by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 14, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Learning how to change your life is challenging under any circumstances. Learning how to change your life when you have a family (or other significant relationship) can feel straight-up impossible. You know you have uttered it at least once in your life – “I would, BUT [insert person of choice] does not like the idea.” When those we care about are not on board with our quest for change it can bring a number of challenges into our life. However, it does not need to be a reason for us to stop our process of growth. Challenge brings the opportunity to learn to be more and more graceful and effective in our process. Here are some tips on how.
Start with the easy stuff: When we’re in a place of change and feeling resistance you might find yourself digging trenches and preparing yourself for battle before every push. Hold the trenches! Figuring out how to change your life when you have a family that hates change will be a challenge, but not every one of those changes needs to be. There are plenty of changes you can make – for yourself and your loved one(s) – that will likely go totally unnoticed by your family. Broaden your perspective of the field and start with these smaller hurdles. Your success will empower you and might even help your loved one see (in retrospect) that change isn’t always hard or bad.
Stay the course: Here’s an truth for you – It is impossible to be untrue to yourself and be fully in relationship. (Yep. Read it again if you need to.) As soon as you discredit your own needs you actually withdraw parts of yourself from the relationship. So, when you find yourself meeting that resistance to change from a loved one, remind yourself that fighting for what is right and true for you is the best way for you to be a part of your relationship with them. They might not realize that their resistant behavior is damaging (to you and them) because it limits how much of yourself you can contribute to the relationship. But you do. So stay the course. Keep moving in the direction of your personal transformation. Trust that no matter the outcome this is the path to sharing even more love.
Educate: Sometimes people are against things simply because they do not have enough information to be with them. If you want your loved one to be on board for your process of transformation, you need to help educate them about the process and why it is important to you. It is also helpful if you educate them about how they can be most supportive. And it doesn’t hurt to explain – if they somehow don’t realize this – the way that your happiness and wellbeing influence them through your relationship. Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” Give your person (or people) the chance to do their best, just as you are trying to do.
Maybe they are not the problem: It is worth reiterating that – quite often – what we think is resistance by someone in our life is actually our own resistance. If you find yourself saying “I can’t ___” because of someone important in your life, take a minute to check in. Where is the resistance coming from? Maybe it isn\’t about how to change your life when you have a family. Maybe it\’s about how to change your life, in general. Rephrase the situation in positive terms and possessive language. Try saying “I am choosing to __ because __.” Instead of saying that your loved one is the reason you can’t. How does this feel? With your loved one out of the equation for a moment, can you better see your own role? Ask yourself what needs to change inside of you for you to feel good about taking your next steps.
It can be challenging to engage in our own process of change and stay in healthy relationship with those we love. In order to have both the joy of our own self and the joy of relationship, it is necessary to figure out how to make both work. In your own life, try implementing these tips on how to change your life when you have a family that hates change. Do you have other suggestions of things you’ve tried in your own life that have worked? Share them in the comments below!
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 7, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Whether you work for a company, run your own business, or are a leader in some other group, your success as a leader cannot – and will not – be stagnant. Like any other part of your life, success in leadership requires continued work and development. All parts of our lives need to be evaluated and efforts to take ourselves to the next level need to executed. If you have been wondering how to know when it is time to reinvent yourself as a leader then this article is for you.
REASONS TO REINVENT YOURSELF AS A LEADER
You stop seeing results: This might seem obvious, but sometimes it’s easy to overlook what we don’t want to see. A big red flag that your leadership needs some work is that you stop seeing the results that you want to see. Leadership implies a goal – if you stop seeing forward movement from your team, you should take a look at how you are leading. What is it about what you are doing that is limiting the results of your team? What can you do to change the way you are leading? What can you do to support your team?
People are disengaged: The people you are leading will let you know how you are doing as a leader, in both blunt and subtle ways. If your team is inactive or not paying attention, it’s time to reflect on the gaps in your leadership. Pay attention to how your people are showing up. Are they going above and beyond, or trying to get away with the bare minimum? While individual character traits (like motivation and integrity) will always play a role in team performance, you will be surprised at how much more engagement you can create by changing your leadership approach.
The thrill is gone: Are you feeling less-than-engaged as a leader? Is the idea of another project – or taking the next steps on your current one – less than interesting to you? Are you resenting the action that you need to take? If you are no longer enjoying your leadership, then chances are you need to find a new way of being in leadership. It is time to reinvent yourself as a leader when you feel you’ve run out of good reasons to lead. I promise you, there are more.
Ongoing conflict: Conflict is part of any team effort, but when the problems persist it is time to take notice. Ongoing conflict is a sign that something is not working correctly and, since you are the leader, it probably means that you need to adjust the way that you are holding your leadership. When you get better, the people you are leading get better. Being a leader doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being attentive and being the first to step forward when it is time for change.
You may need to reinvent yourself entirely or it may just be an aspect of your leadership that needs some updating. Remember this is not because you have done something wrong but a natural part of the process of growth whereby you become the best leader and have the most positive impact you have.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 24, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog, Uncategorized
Most of us are aware that being intentional has many benefits for our life, but did you know that the key to really getting results is intention without attachment?
Intention without attachment means creating and holding an intention without becoming attached to a specific manifestation of the outcome of that intention. When we become attached to an outcome looking, or being, a certain way, we activate our fears related to having or not having it. This fear then shows up as a block in our path or draws negativity to it. This is often the reason why some people come to believe that setting intentions does not work.
Attachment is our over-investment in a particular outcome. We become attached because of some pain from the past that still haunts us, or because of an unmet need we have. In short, we become attached because of fear – fear that we might be hurt the way we were or suffer the same disappointment. This fear is potent. It is very often stronger than our new found intention and, because of this, creates chaos where we are trying to create order.
When we begin to notice that we have attachments that do not serve us, we are likely to wonder how we might let them go so that we can have more of what we want and create a happier life. However, we may not know how to let go of them.
One thing that we can do is recognize our unmet needs and begin to meet them in healthier ways. When we do this they cease getting in our way. We get stronger, healthier, and happier.
Another thing that we can do to let go of attachment is to begin to heal the pains of the past. In this case, it means fully mourning what was lost or not attained and coming to terms with the inevitable disappointments of life in a way that allows us to fully embrace a different tomorrow, despite the risks involved.
When we do this, our fear of having events repeat themselves diminishes, and, with it, our attachment to the outcome. We are left with a positive intention for what we want to bring into our life and we know we will be OK regardless of whether or not this need is met. Without the need for any more effort, we are at peace. This peace translates into a deep happiness that we can be both open to what we want and trust enough to know that what we get is what we truly need.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 17, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The cure for a really bad day can actually be shifting your focus because where intention goes energy flows. It may seem overly simplistic but many of the things that really work in life are just that simple. The real trick is remembering to do them.
What is intention?
Intention is a focus on what it is that we want to experience in the future. We set an intention to carve a path toward a desired end. We set an intention to help us hold, in the present moment, what is most important to us.
How do we focus it?
When we bring our attention back to our intention (meaning both the words and the feeling of the intention) we are focusing on our intention. It is this remembering to bring our attention back that moves us into the reality of our intention.
What are some ways we can do this?
- Write down our intention in clear and present-tense language.
- Connect with how the intention feels and cultivate that feeling.
- Create an image of our intention to help guide us.
- Look for thoughts, feelings, and experiences that support our intention.
- Spend time each day focusing on our intention.
- When we get off track, refocus on our intention.
What is the result of the focus?
When we clarify, focus, and refocus on our intention we begin to see just how powerful of a tool intention really is. We see that it is perhaps one of the most important tools that we can use on a regular and consistent basis to create the life we truly want to live. We truly understand that where intention goes energy flows.
Are you looking for a way to let go of heavy emotional baggage and breakthrough to the next level of your personal development?
The Group Healing Intensive is designed to help you accomplish, in one weekend, the amount of personal transformational work that would take years of traditional therapy to accomplish.
To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 11, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Life is continually showing you how to raise your awareness, but do you see it’s instructions?
From my perspective, each and every moment of life is offering us an opportunity to become more aware. We are in a constant state of choice, in all of these moments, to either expand or contract. Expansion brings a richer experience of love, truth, gratitude, forgiveness, and service. Contraction brings limitation. The payoff of learning how to raise your awareness, even if it’s just in a few of these life moments, is exceptional.
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Sometimes we may overlook the choice we have to raise our awareness, and other times we may feel we don’t have the power, in that moment, to make it. The risk here is that, when we do not choose to expand our awareness, we get pulled in the opposite direction. The limitations of whatever we are experiencing start to become the structure of a myopic viewpoint, which makes it that much more difficult to choose something more than we currently have.
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Learning how to raise your awareness does not mean you will get it right every time. It does mean that you will have the toolkit to keep yourself better on track in your personal growth and that you’ll be more aware of your choice in each of life’s moments. If we are vigilant about our intention and willingness to become more aware, we can experience all that life truly has to offer.
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There are many ways to expand our awareness. The following are some tools that we can use to keep ourselves on track, regardless of circumstances. To do so, we only need to focus on the wisdom associated with the following words.
Love: A simple tool for liberating ourselves and returning to our heart. Finding our way back to love. Whether it is a busy morning and bad traffic or a fight with someone that you love, finding a way to return to a place of love provides us with a feeling of wellbeing and a springboard off of which we can launch into new levels of awareness. After all, is it more important to be angry at the other driver on the road or to feel a sense that we are all in it together?
Truth: It is very easy to get caught up in the “he said, she said” situations of the world. We begin arguing about the minutia that really make no difference and we quickly lose touch with our core and with the truth of our situation. When we start looking for the greater truth or speaking our personal truth we begin to open up to new awareness that creates real solutions to our situations.
Gratitude: Sometimes life is just one hard experience after another. There are stretches in time when it seems as if there is no relief. This can begin to wear us down and we can get stuck focusing on what we don’t have or what we have lost. Whether we are in hard times or not, remembering to see what we have, and be truly appreciative of it, is helpful in expanding our awareness. Where intention goes, energy flows – so when we pay attention to what we do have, we feel better and feel like we have more of it.
Forgiveness: Whatever grievances have been done to us, the only person who hurts because of our lack of forgiveness is us. When we hold onto the hurts of the past we pick up a heavy weight that restricts us from moving toward what would really serve us. When we learn this, and we remember to forgive others, we set ourselves free from the pains of the past and welcome in a brighter future.
Service: Our awareness is continually expanded by our willingness to see what we can do to change a situation for the better. This is an act of service. The question is, how can I contribute in a way that creates a better now? And if I can’t make a better now, then how about a better future? Being of service raises the bar on our own empowerment and helps us craft what we truly want.
When you work to expand your awareness, your cares and concerns shift and you feel a greater sense of freedom. Focusing on any of these practices helps us see that our experience of life is the result of our willingness to expand into new and better ways of doing things –to cultivate our awareness.
Are you looking for a way to let go of heavy emotional baggage and breakthrough to the next level of your personal development?
The Group Healing Intensive is designed to help you accomplish, in one weekend, the amount of personal transformational work that would take years of traditional therapy to accomplish.
To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jun 26, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
If you’re wondering how to find your purpose in life and achieve it, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Whether you’ve struggled with this question before or are just embracing it for the first time, it can be daunting to get started on the path of development. The tips below will support you in your personal journey. You can also check out my article “What Nobody Tells You About Finding Your Purpose.” Regardless of where you are in the process, these nine steps will help you get on track and stay there.
1. Uncover: It is challenging to uncover our life purpose when it is buried under unresolved past issues. This junk of the past can conceal our motives for our current interests and actions, making it hard to tell which direction to even face when starting down the path towards our purpose. The first step of finding your life purpose is working through the personal emotional baggage and false beliefs that were developed prior to this stage in your life.
2. Discover: After you begin to resolve the past, who you really are begins to emerge more clearly. You begin to notice more of your strengths and natural inclinations, and spend less time getting caught up in the stories of your. Although you have been there all this time, this phase of finding your purpose can feel like a stage of discovery.
3. Strengthen: Once you have made contact with your deeper self it is time to build and strengthen that self. This step includes both continued self-discovery work and letting go of any unresolved business from the past. It is a good time to nurture the skills and traits that are associated with your true self.
4. Pretend: You may or may not feel ready to step in more fully to your life purpose at this point in time. Let your imagination guide you. Try on different hats and approaches. Give yourself the opportunity to explore outside of whatever box you have been accustomed to.
5. Enjoy: Our joy helps to guide us to our true purpose in life. Pay attention to where your enthusiasm and your joy are. Identifying these reactions and what causes them will help you find your way to your life purpose. It will also help you stay on track with your purpose as you get further down the road.
6. Practice: Just because you are meant to do it does not mean that you know how to do every part of it. There are skills that need to be developed for you to achieve your purpose in life and take it to the next level. Learn what they are and begin to practice them in any way that you can.
7. Refine: It is very unlikely that you will be 100% clear and on track with your life purpose from the start. It is important to pay attention throughout your process. See where your energy levels and enjoyment go up and down. Notice where your natural talents shine. Make adjustments so that you are more on track.
8. Support: Manifesting your life purpose requires support. People who understand and believe in you are essential to your ability to find your purpose in life and achieve it. Pay attention to who supports you and who does not. If you do not have these people in your life already, begin to look for them. No dream is fulfilled in isolation.
9. Master: Keep learning and developing what you have now determined is your life purpose. Do not worry if it does not have a label. Allow yourself to focus on the many aspects of what you are undertaking and develop each of them to a whole new level of mastery. This advanced skill level will give you what you need to overcome new levels of challenge and reach new levels of personal fulfillment with your life purpose.
