by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 11, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
One of the things that I love about entrepreneurship is that it is a continual adventure. You never know what is around the next corner. Even when you think that you have it figured out the game changes.
It is not that it is any different than the rest of life. It is just a focused experience.
One of the things that happens is that we forget to see it as an adventure and we expect it to work out or get figured out or some other final state of order and control. This will never be the case. But if we embrace the journey and try to have some fun along the way we will have some wonderful experiences.
Right, but how do you do that when it seems like it is more of an ordeal than an exciting journey?
Well, first start where it is easy. Are you enjoying yourself when things are good?
As cliché as it sounds, have you stopped and smelled the flowers? What do you really care about and why? What makes you laugh and cry and think it is all worth it?
Then when things are a little more intense and the pressure is on, you can try not to label it negatively try instead to see what is happening as a challenge or even a game. If you can play with the events that come your way bad, good or indifferent they will be much easier to navigate.
Take a moment and brainstorms some ways that you can learn to embrace the adventure that is your life.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 8, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Most people agree that self-confidence is one of the most important factors in how well we do in life.
We are born with perfect self-confidence, but that is eroded by many factors as we grow up.
Instead of focusing on the things that drag down our confidence, it is important to remember the things that boost it. Whether we are going to a job interview, a first date, giving a speech, or just getting through the day, there are some basic ways that we can give ourselves that extra boost of confidence that will win the day:
1. Focus On Wins
Have reminders of your achievements in full view so you can see them every night before going to bed and every morning when you wake up. They can be trophies, awards achieved, or anything that you are proud of. If you have no visible record, write down at least five things you are proud having achieved and post them by the mirror in your bathroom and on the wall in your workplace.
2. Remember What You Are Proud Of
List all the things you are proud of. What can you put on your résumé? What did you do that took courage? Perhaps you moved away from your family, struck out on your own, or left an abusive relationship. Things that others would be afraid of doing, but you did them. How about the people you helped? Or maybe things you didn’t do, like say negative things about someone when everyone else was. Have you gone out of your way to help someone, when others might not have?
List these things and read them whenever you face a situation where you will need all your confidence.
3. Always Give Your Best
Give your best in all situations. The outcome may not be what you wanted, but you will come away feeling good about yourself–every time you do you will come away a stronger person. Stand up for what you believe in and what is right. Defend someone who is weaker, someone who is being bullied, or someone being treated unfairly. Resist the urge to go along just to get along. Be true to yourself and you will respect yourself and earn respect from those that matter.
4. Just Do It
We all are afraid of doing unfamiliar things for the first time, but those who succeed do things they have a fear of doing. Get into the habit of pushing your comfort zone and doing things you are a little bit frightened to do. Make a list of something every week and every month. They don’t have to be huge but require some courage for you to do.
Try taking a dancing class, going to a movie alone, or starting a conversation with a stranger. See how it makes you feel after. Keep track of these things on a calendar. Review them every so often, or before that big date, interview, or event that is going to demand all the confidence you can muster.
5. Keep Building Your Wins
Don’t get into comparing your win with that of others. Your achievement is as important as anyone else’s.
Only share what you are doing with those that totally support you. Confidence builds upon itself, and the more you think you can do, the more you will attempt and be successful at. Keep adding to your win list and watch yourself soar.
reblogged from fastcompany.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 5, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Do you have a continual stream of thoughts negative or otherwise running through your mind at all times? Most people do if they have not taking the time to do something about it.
It is a symptom of our times and our culture. We are taught and encouraged to make all our decisions from our head and because of this our mind does what it is best at – it comes up with a million different options that often keep us ping-ponging back and forth and getting no where. So, what can we do about it? Here are 3 steps you can take:
Observation: One of the problems can be that we are not even aware that we are thinking all the time! This is one of the functions of meditation. If you are not into meditation take 5 minutes to just focus on your thoughts.
Getting Active: Being physically active helps us get out of our heads and to start to feel what is going on below our neck.
Reframing: Once you are in touch with your thoughts, you will want to work with them. So, when you come across a persistent negative thought you can work to reframe it. Reframing is changing it from a negative to a positive thought and practicing thinking and believing that new positive thought.
These three tips will start you on the road to getting out of your head. However, there are emotional reasons why we stay in our head. So very often if you are living from your head you need to explore and resolve these emotional issues so that they do not push you into your head in order to avoid them. This is a good place for you to get some help. Guidance will help you move more quickly through the challenging stuff.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 27, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
If you are anything like me, you have stacks of self-help books on our shelves –some read, some not. Each book, conference, seminar is another person telling us what it is that we need to do to be happy. And, we read it and we think, this is it. I have it. I am going to finally be able to make those changes and be happier, thinner, more in charge.
And then what happens next is NOTHING. We go from inspiration to flat line and wonder what happened.
Well, I am going to let you in on a couple secrets. The first secret is that the answer that you are looking for doesn’t exist.
The second secret is that all the information in the world is not going to help if you don’t know how to apply it.
Bottom line is that self-help is a business and that business has been structured to make as much money as possible. So, they sell the dream. The dream is that there is an answer and if you know it then you will have the keys to the kingdom –so to speak.
It is not that they are lying to you. Many of these \”experts\” are brilliant and extraordinarily insightful and you will benefit from their work. The problem is not their work it is that you are led (and way too willing) to believe their work will provide you with –the ultimate answer.
So what will it give you? All that information will provide you with a bunch of potential insight. The problem with this is that if you do not know how to apply it, it won’t matter that you have it. Without understanding how the information fits your life and how you can personally apply it to get results you are SOL.
How you apply this type of knowledge is essential to it having any effect on your life at all and that is the piece of information that is not getting passed along. So, when trying to figure out which next step to take, look for someone who is not just talking about the answer but also how to implement it.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 22, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
In the past few years of blogging I’ve written plenty about break ups, the upheaval and uncertainty that can follow in their wake, and I’ve optimistically chimed over and over again, “Things change. Something will happen.” Those phrases are meant to settle some fears and angst about the flux of life, the unexpected, perhaps even the undesirable, and make it at least more acceptable, more manageable, more palatable. One thing that hasn’t changed over the years is my sense that, yes, things change and something will happen.
In response to such changes, I’ve previously referred to the Taoist notion of wu-wei, or effortless action. Simply put, when life is likened to a river with all of its rapids, eddies, and currents, I’ve strongly accepted the wisdom in “going with the flow,” and I’ve applied this insight to my life, especially my relationships. However, thanks to a handful of conversations with a handful of people in the past week, I’ve decided to nuance my appreciation of going with the flow, perhaps in multiple arenas of life, but especially in relationships. Because sometimes, and in some situations, going with the flow is just too easy.
As beings who grow, change, and can even voluntarily grow and change, going with the flow is too easy when it simply involves falling back into old habits, relying on old patterns, and reanimating old ways of doing things. If one is not careful, one can interpret “go with the flow” to mean that one not challenge, push, or try at all. In other words, not trying can also be considered as that which comes most naturally, the most effortless action.
If you were born an exemplar of good human behavior and that good behavior comes very easily to you, you’re amazing, go on with that flow, but this post is not for you. If, on the other hand, you are like almost every other person and have gone through any number of difficult, harsh, or even hurtful experiences throughout your life, then there’s a solid chance that you’ve developed defensive habits, patterns, and ways of doing things that were responses to such pain and hurt, stress and struggle. Such defensive mechanisms are often crucially important at various points in our lives and work to protect us when times get tough. Eventually, like the ol’ fight or flight response, we may not even have to think about such knee-jerk responses because they move us so “naturally.”
Unfortunately, when doing what comes most naturally to us amounts to employing these built up defensive mechanisms in situations that don’t pose imminent threats to our survival and well-being, such are the very habits and patterns that can actually hinder our ability to grow in healthier, happier ways. That is to say, when the river gets a bit turbulent, we already know how to fight or take flight; those things come easily to us.
What we might need to do then, perhaps without actually knowing yet how to do it, is resist the tendency to do what comes most naturally, to not go with the flow.
Here’s an example from the abovementioned conversations: Imagine that one encounters a fork in the relationship river where one can either continue working on the relationship or end it. If one repeats after me, “Well, things always change. Something will happen,” then there might be little incentive to work, to stay, to put in effort to continue with what one has right now. In fact, one might be so astute to know that, even in light of such a big change as the end of a relationship, he or she will ultimately be okay and something else will happen. Of course this is true. If you are alive right now and well enough to tell, then you’ve made it through the changes. What a happy thing to do deduce.
But then again, if one is apt to float away, move on, and go with the flow in that sense – if ending a relationship and leaving to go to the next thing is what comes very easily – then maybe this shouldn’t be the preferred option if what one seeks is growth.
To carry on with the river metaphor, maybe there are times when it is appropriate to paddle, to tread, perhaps even to the point of building up new muscles (which always requires some degree of pain and effort but eventually, as one gets stronger, using those muscles gets easier), to fight the current of our defenses. Maybe there are times when it is better for us, and for those with whom we frequently interact, to not go with the flow of what comes most naturally to us. Because some times, some times, if we’re not careful, we can too easily be hurtful, careless jerks to one another.
Learn more about Cori Wong here
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