by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 22, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
You might be diligently doing your work –finding out everything that you need to know to be happy and successful. You have done your vision board and your vision statement, you have created a one year plan and even a ten year plan but maybe you have yet to ask yourself –how good can I stand to have it?
If you find yourself stopping before the finish line, if you seem to sabotage your success, it might not be because of some deep and troubling issue.
It might be because you have not upgraded your tolerance for joy, ease, or inner peace.
We are just as inclined to hold ourselves back from good stuff as we are to shy away from the bad. We are naturally inclined to keep things the same. The “same,” in our primal brain, is equated with being safe. Every change introduces a level of risk –even if the change is good.
Let me show you what this looks like:
You are starting your business and you just made your first big sale. First you are excited and then pretty soon you are terrified. You think, “I can’t do this. What was I thinking.”
Or, maybe you never have that thought, you just forget something really important.
Maybe this sale will drastically change your income or portends more success. You have wanted both of those for so long but now just as you get them everything starts going haywire.
What can you do about it? You can practice tolerating positive feelings and experiences.
I did say tolerating –one step at a time. With change and the risk that comes with it also comes discomfort. It is the discomfort that you really need to tolerate –the discomfort that comes from having things be REALLY good.
At this point we need to work with those impulses to stay the same.
Mentally, we can work to imagine our new way of being and set intentions. Emotionally, we can begin to label and experience our feelings differently. For example, fear can become excitement. Spiritually, we can learn to step out of our ego self and connect to our higher purpose. The purpose that makes these temporary discomforts seem minuscule in comparison.
If you really want to step into your fulfillment and success, you will need to stop looking at the past or sometimes even the momentary and start working towards creating the future you really want for yourself.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 15, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
We are so quick to judge the events of our life. There are the things that we want to have happen and the things we do not want to have happen. There are the good things and the bad things. Right?
Well…
It all really depends on where you stop the story. If you look at all of the difficult events of your life as the final result of your actions then you are doomed to meaninglessness and failure. If on the other hand, you view your end results when something positive happens, you life and actions are meaningful and productive.
The easy and difficult are inevitable. The good and bad are inevitable. No one has a life full of all good things or of all bad things –we all get a mix.
So what are you going to choose today?
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 12, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
1. Love yourself to safety
Love is truly the most powerful force. We often spend a ton of time trying to figure a situation out or do something to change it. However, if we learn to be loved and bring love to the situation, amazing things happen! Easier said than done — for most of us — but well worth the effort.
2. Never give up!
To get what you want, it actually feels better to keep trying — even after we fail again and again — than it does to just give up. Trying for something even in the face of great challenges keeps us opening up — it keeps us growing. So, worry less about failure and more about what you think is most important.
3. Hide nothing. It will destroy you!
It might not always be on the outside that we see these problems, but, when we hide things, we are doing damage inside ourselves as well. We feel out of integrity. That’s a big price to pay — all for supposedly saving some face.
4. Don\’t expect any guarantees
It can be so easy to go through life looking for someone to ensure us a safe passage. And there just isn’t one. The only things we have left at the end of the day are our intent and our integrity. So it helps when we stop looking for safety, start being who we know we should be, and start acting the way we know we should act.
5. Care more than makes sense
If you want to be fulfilled, a sure-fire way to get there is to “give a damn,” as I would say. In the face of uncertainty, care. In the face of problems, care. When people say you should not care or that it is hopeless, be brave enough to care. It will change your life forever.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 10, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
One of the things that seems to get everyone in their business /life from time to time is rejection. You need to put yourself out there so many times. You need to hear \”No\” more than you hear \”Yes\”.
Suzanne Evans said recently that if you cant tolerate hearing \”No\” you shouldn\’t be running your own business. Getting used to rejection is an important part of staying on track in your business and your life.
Rejection comes in all shapes and sizes: client rejection, colleague rejection, job rejection, relationship rejection. Any time that a door closes we can call that a rejection. Here are some keys to how to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.
Cultivate self love: We need to be able to hold on to our value even when other people do not see it. We are best able to do this if we practice regular love and kindness toward ourselves. If you do not treat yourself fabulously, find a simple way to start and keep developing it.
When a door closes…: Yup. The reframe. I really believe that we are guided and that when a road gets blocked off it is to move us in the direction that we need to go. Do your absolute best and surrender to the outcome.
Sometimes this can get confusing. We can’t tell the difference between when we should persist and when we should throw in the towel. Learn to listen to your gut and your head and remember it is IMPOSSIBLE to make a wrong choice. There is no such thing.
Gather your support: You really can’t do it alone. Know the people who love you and show up regularly to give and receive love. There is nothing that will strengthen you more than the love and support of people who believe in you.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 8, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Today\’s tip: what to do on super-slow days.
Once in a while there are these days when loading the dishwasher is the most productive thing I can manage. (It may or may not happen on a verge of a big project I\’ve never tried before). Forget writing curriculum, planning workshops, or catching up on back-end stuff. I don\’t trust myself to do anything of consequence. In the past such days triggered an unpleasant mix of guilt and \”I\’m-a-failed-entrepreneur\” fear. Fun times.
Now… here is a simple strategy to a) make these days productive, and b) earn the bonus of avoiding guilt and self-bashing: Read. A book.
Most entrepreneurs have a list of books they plan to read \”someday\”. Well, that day is today. You can\’t sit yourself down and brainstorm, because you\’re too exhausted/scared/waiting for information/whatever. You don\’t trust yourself to do behind-the-scenes work for a client for the same reasons. You can barely tolerate the thought of interacting with another human being.
Time to sit down, make yourself a cup of coffee and open one of the better-written books on your list.
Don\’t rush into performing the exercises if the book offers any, as they often do. You\’ll have time for that later. Relax and read.
Soak the ideas. Get some validation for stuff you already know. It\’ll surface later when you network, teach, launch.
It\’s time well spent. Or rather, well-invested.
A smooth running, successful business is within your reach and Marina Darlow of Vision Framework can help you get there with systems for time management, cash flow, project plans and more.
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