by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 20, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
You know what people have been telling me my entire life? That I need to hide my intelligence. I started hearing this when I was in third grade. Ironically, this is when my learning disabilities started to manifest so while I certainly wasn\’t feeling too intelligent , I would none-the-less hear things like “Don’t use such big words.”
As I got older it continued. While I struggled with time, dyslexia and spelling I was simultaneously told that I should dumb it down my ideas.
I didn’t know how to dumb it down because I didn’t understand how I made it smart.
When I started growing my business, I heard it all again. In fact, I still hear it! And, I did have a lot to learn about getting my message out there. That was the whole reason I went to school – so that I could clearly speak to people in a way that would help change lives and the world for the better. So, believe me I listened!
After I learned a lot about what I was doing to get in my own way, I arrived at a simple truth as a result of hearing what my clients said week after week. THEY LIKED THAT I WAS SMART!!! For them, my intelligence was why many of them were working with me.
So, what did I learn from this that I think might benefit you?
A few simple things:
We often have to leave behind what we know to learn enough to come back and use it in a new way.
NEVER, EVER, accept someone telling you that one of your gifts is something you should hide.
Listen to all feedback that you get to help you become MORE of who you are rather than less.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 17, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Ditch the guilt and self-blame—and change the conversation about work and life, says the author of MAXED OUT. A new dialogue starts here…
Q: Most working moms feel maxed out. Yet we rarely say more than, “I’m tired” or “What a week!” What are we NOT saying to our friends, family, each other?
A: I hear from a lot of women who say they have the life they always wanted (kids, career) . . . and it’s killing them. They feel like they’re always letting people down, like it’s somehow their fault that they can’t be all things to all people.
My message to them is: You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.
Society and the workplace have not caught up to the fact that most mothers today are in the workforce. We’re expected to give 100% to our jobs, and then somehow simultaneously give 100% to our families. But of course, we can’t. No one can. We can’t be in two places at once, and we only have so much energy.
Where to start?
The cold economic reality is that most families need two incomes today just to live a basic middle class life. About 70% of American kids are growing up in households where all adults work.
So parents today are doing double duty, trying to work full time and somehow take care of all the things parents do—take kids to the doctor, do the parent-teacher conferences, show up for the play, etc. Yet schools still get out at 3pm (or earlier) and take summers off. Parents are lucky if they get two weeks of vacation a year. These things are incompatible. So it’s vital to recognize the flaw in the way our roles as working parents have evolved—while schools and most employers have not—and begin to communicate more about those realities, not getting stuck repeating messages of self-blame and guilt.
Q: How can we change the way we talk about the overwhelm so that people will listen and respond?
A: We have to stop treating this overwork issue as a personal choice—something we’re doing to ourselves—and communicate that it’s a societal problem. It’s a public health problem. Companies are burning out their workers, and it’s costing them hundreds of billions of dollars in lost productivity. So it’s even a business problem.
When we see the problem for what it is, that’s when we’ll get serious about solving it. We need better government policies (like paid parental leave), true. But there’s a lot we can do in the workplace, too, that would address this issue. By having forthright discussions about the competing demands of modern life, we can change the conversation around flexible schedules, telecommuting, job shares, and other changes in work culture.
Rather than being apologetic, it’s reasonable to request policies that empower employees to get their work done when and how they can best do it. These are the kinds of things we should be talking about.
Q. How do can women talk about these problems in a new way, so the conversation shifts from “What I’m doing wrong” to “Let’s improve the situation for everyone”?
A: The most lasting way to change the conversation is to change our actions, to show that we really are all in this together. At the end of my book, I list 10 things each of us can do to address this “maxed out” problem, here are a few:
1. Practice saying no—Working moms have to find ways to say no. It’s not about letting other people down; saying no to others is about saying yes to yourself.
2. Tell your partner what you need—Communicate with your partner about how to make your roles as egalitarian as possible (and see #1 above!).
3. Be an ally to other women—We’ve all felt judged at one time or another about our choices as mothers. Remember the cultural and institutional forces that make working and parenting difficult, and cut other women slack.
4. Sign up for MomsRising—10 percent of the proceeds of Maxed Out will be donated to this leading advocacy organization for moms and the people who love them. They lobby for parental leave, flexible work, other policies that improve the lives of families.
5. Let your HR manager know about ROWE—A management strategy gaining traction in corporate America, Results-Only Work Environments (ROWE) emphasizes employee results over traditional measures like the number of hours worked. Companies are finding that it actually saves them money and boosts productivity.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 15, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I am often surprised how few of my clients are clear when it comes to the difference between goals and vision. Below is an except from David Neagle\’s blog where he clarifies the issue:
\”A vision is a clear picture of what you’d like for your life or business.
When I was just starting out, my vision was pretty simple. I could only see a few things.
I wanted a boat and I wanted to buy property in Central Wisconsin for when I retired.
Some people have grander visions like a house in Italy or speaking on huge stages.
The key piece with a vision is that it is not about anyone else. It’s what you want for you; and it maybe hidden in your secret thoughts that you’ve never told anyone about.
A goal is a step toward that big vision.
It’s something you need to do that will take you closer to realizing your vision.
My vision was to buy a boat, so I set a goal for myself to double my income.
By increasing my income, I would be closer to having the ability to buy that boat.
Think of goals as the rungs of a ladder that leads to your vision at the top.
Keep in mind that as you take steps toward your vision, it may begin to change.
As your vision changes continue setting goals to take you closer to that vision, and when you see opportunities, always ask yourself: Is this taking me closer to my vision or further away?
Let your vision be your guide.\”
This periodic reassessment of vision is key. As you may know I am making some changes in my business and these come from a refocusing of my vision
When is the last time you gave your vision and update? I suggest you take an hour to walk, journal or do anything that gets you in a calm meditative space. Focus in on what You want for You. If your vision is in need of updating, you may have some surprises!
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 10, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Multitasking can be counterproductive. Do less better.
Being busy as a bee is an occupational hazard in sales. Take a lesson from busy bees. They only do one thing at a time. The temptation is always with us that when we want to get more done, we decide that doing two or three things at once is the answer. This is particularly true while driving.
Your brain is a wonderfully adaptive organ, but pushing it to its multiplexing limits assures that concentration by necessity is lost. One task becomes primary and all others suffer accordingly, with the primary task losing focus in the process. Those are the things that automobile accidents are made of.
Business disasters follow the same pattern. Get too much going and everything will go to pieces on a regular basis. Set sales priorities. What must be done now? What can wait until this afternoon or tomorrow? Slow down; you will make more forward progress. Focus on the thing at hand. Budget the time necessary to get the job done professionally. Don’t hustle customers. Doing less better will produce more results.
Talk slower; drive slower; don’t run through airports. You will live longer, and although you may not think you are getting enough done, compound interest will have its chance to make you wealthy. All good results take time. You can listen to books while driving and you can walk and chew gum between sales calls, but with those exceptions and few others, take things one at a time.
Now, go out and have your best week ever!
reblogged from an article by Linda Fitzgerald in Affiliated Women International
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 6, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When I was 16 years old, I went to Catholic school for a year. Interestingly, right in the middle of this drop in Catholic period, I began reading about Buddhism. In the 24 years since then, I have continued to find these teachings helpful.
In Buddhism there is something called the 8 fold path. The components of the path can roughly be described as complete vision, perfected emotion, whole speech, integral action, proper livelihood, full effort, complete awareness, and one-pointedness of mind.
When I read about the eightfold path, something really clicked for me. It was like reading about the path to fulfillment. I had realized at this point that much of my pain was self inflicted and was looking for ways to change how I lived.
The principles of the 8 fold path and similar ones from other religions and philosophies guide my work and my life.
For example, when I am working with my Business Development people, they often ask about different high level, often expensive methods that can be used to grow their businesses. They will feel like they need advanced strategies to be successful.
In response, what I always say to them is, “What ultimately do you want for your business?” You don’t employ top level methods for a 100k a year business. If you do, you will always be spending more money that you make. Not a good business strategy.
This is a very long way to say that things are not useful or not useful; good or bad, it is all about what they are intended for if they are the right fit for the situation.
When we start using a method or anything else for that matter without thinking, we create unintended results. These results are sometimes good and sometimes bad.
So, my question for you today is what are you trying to create? And, is what you are using going to get you there? To me this is related to the \”complete vision\” step of the 8 fold path. The clearer you are on both of these questions, the faster and farther you will move toward your desired goal.
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