by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 27, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What does it mean to be on your path? What does it mean to have a sense of deep purpose? A person who is connected to their life\’s intentions does not do good because of sheer willpower. They do it through a combination of humility and faith connected to something beyond just themselves … they hitch their wagon to a higher meaning, which is a power more powerful than self-will.
Such a person is at ease with the essential goodness of life in spite of in the tumult of daily life, with all it\’s burdens and setbacks, because they have connected the spark of goodness in themselves with the universal goodness inherent in every atom or creation.
Such people become a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela or a Rosa Parks or YOU. This is the soil on which greatness gives birth.
reblogged from quora.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 24, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Have you ever noticed how stressed most people seem to be on a regular basis? People are tired, burnt out, and mentality fried. This is something that is completely avoidable. I believe a large reason why this occurs is people possess a “have to” mentality. They really don’t want to be doing something be feel obligated or burdened. They “have to” do it. This week we’re going to discuss why life would be a lot more enjoyable if we all possessed a “get to” mentality.
First, lets talk about having kids. Too often it seems as if parents “have to” do something with their kids. We have a pretty cool neighborhood pool for kids, it has water slide, lazy river, swings, fountains, and lap pool. I take my three-year old son up there quite regularly and we have a blast playing in the pool. What’s sad is that I notice too many parents at the pool who possess the “have to” mentality. They have to take their kids there. These are the parents who don’t pay attention to their kids as they sit and gossip with other parents, sunbathe, or play on phones. My mentality is that I “get to” take my son to the pool and play. Right now it’s cool for him to spend every minute playing in the water with dad, especially repeatedly dunking me under water! I cherish those moments. I “get to” have them.
It’s important as parents that we maintain this “get to” perspective. My wife and I were talking about this the other day about our two-week old son. Right now we are in the middle of three-hour sleep shifts and feedings throughout the night. But it’s like the Darius Rucker song; It Won’t Be Like This For Long. Things change so quickly, time flies by, and the time will come too soon when our boys are all grown up and out of the house. It’s important to remind ourselves of this when our child wants to read the same book, watch the same movie, play with same toy over and over again. We are going to miss those precious moments when they’re a teenager and those things are not cool anymore. Whether it’s late night feedings, cuddling and tucking in at bedtime, we need to cherish those moments while having the “get to” mentality.
We can apply the same “get to” mentality with work. Too many people are unhappy with and dread going to their jobs. I’ve never really understood this; if you’re unhappy, do something about it. Change your job or career path. People should be more thankful for being physically and mentally able to work. There are many people who are not so fortunate throughout the world. They’d gladly trade positions. Many people struggle to pay bills and feed their families. If you’re able to do this comfortably you’re one of the lucky ones. When we adopt the “get to” mindset with work it will take us to new heights. Our energy, outlook, focus, and production will all improve. I love teaching and coaching. It’s not something that feels like a job. It’s not I “have to” go to work, it’s I “get to” go to work.
One of the guarantees that we all have in life is facing obstacles. At some point in our lives we all will face hardships. The difference between those who overcome them and those who don’t is all in how the obstacle is approached. If we use the “get to” mindset we can see an obstacle as an opportunity for self-improvement. A setback will be seen as an opportunity for a comeback. We will only see this hardship as a bump in the road and not the final destination. By using the “get to” approach we come out better, stronger, and more confident through overcoming the challenge.
The great thing about sports is that no matter the sport, this lesson can and should be taught at all levels. As coaches, we can make a positive impact on the world by teaching our athletes to attack everything with the “get to” mindset. Those who have it will be the most successful.
reblogged from Kyle Elmendorf\’s coaching blog.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 20, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
You know what people have been telling me my entire life? That I need to hide my intelligence. I started hearing this when I was in third grade. Ironically, this is when my learning disabilities started to manifest so while I certainly wasn\’t feeling too intelligent , I would none-the-less hear things like “Don’t use such big words.”
As I got older it continued. While I struggled with time, dyslexia and spelling I was simultaneously told that I should dumb it down my ideas.
I didn’t know how to dumb it down because I didn’t understand how I made it smart.
When I started growing my business, I heard it all again. In fact, I still hear it! And, I did have a lot to learn about getting my message out there. That was the whole reason I went to school – so that I could clearly speak to people in a way that would help change lives and the world for the better. So, believe me I listened!
After I learned a lot about what I was doing to get in my own way, I arrived at a simple truth as a result of hearing what my clients said week after week. THEY LIKED THAT I WAS SMART!!! For them, my intelligence was why many of them were working with me.
So, what did I learn from this that I think might benefit you?
A few simple things:
We often have to leave behind what we know to learn enough to come back and use it in a new way.
NEVER, EVER, accept someone telling you that one of your gifts is something you should hide.
Listen to all feedback that you get to help you become MORE of who you are rather than less.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 17, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Ditch the guilt and self-blame—and change the conversation about work and life, says the author of MAXED OUT. A new dialogue starts here…
Q: Most working moms feel maxed out. Yet we rarely say more than, “I’m tired” or “What a week!” What are we NOT saying to our friends, family, each other?
A: I hear from a lot of women who say they have the life they always wanted (kids, career) . . . and it’s killing them. They feel like they’re always letting people down, like it’s somehow their fault that they can’t be all things to all people.
My message to them is: You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.
Society and the workplace have not caught up to the fact that most mothers today are in the workforce. We’re expected to give 100% to our jobs, and then somehow simultaneously give 100% to our families. But of course, we can’t. No one can. We can’t be in two places at once, and we only have so much energy.
Where to start?
The cold economic reality is that most families need two incomes today just to live a basic middle class life. About 70% of American kids are growing up in households where all adults work.
So parents today are doing double duty, trying to work full time and somehow take care of all the things parents do—take kids to the doctor, do the parent-teacher conferences, show up for the play, etc. Yet schools still get out at 3pm (or earlier) and take summers off. Parents are lucky if they get two weeks of vacation a year. These things are incompatible. So it’s vital to recognize the flaw in the way our roles as working parents have evolved—while schools and most employers have not—and begin to communicate more about those realities, not getting stuck repeating messages of self-blame and guilt.
Q: How can we change the way we talk about the overwhelm so that people will listen and respond?
A: We have to stop treating this overwork issue as a personal choice—something we’re doing to ourselves—and communicate that it’s a societal problem. It’s a public health problem. Companies are burning out their workers, and it’s costing them hundreds of billions of dollars in lost productivity. So it’s even a business problem.
When we see the problem for what it is, that’s when we’ll get serious about solving it. We need better government policies (like paid parental leave), true. But there’s a lot we can do in the workplace, too, that would address this issue. By having forthright discussions about the competing demands of modern life, we can change the conversation around flexible schedules, telecommuting, job shares, and other changes in work culture.
Rather than being apologetic, it’s reasonable to request policies that empower employees to get their work done when and how they can best do it. These are the kinds of things we should be talking about.
Q. How do can women talk about these problems in a new way, so the conversation shifts from “What I’m doing wrong” to “Let’s improve the situation for everyone”?
A: The most lasting way to change the conversation is to change our actions, to show that we really are all in this together. At the end of my book, I list 10 things each of us can do to address this “maxed out” problem, here are a few:
1. Practice saying no—Working moms have to find ways to say no. It’s not about letting other people down; saying no to others is about saying yes to yourself.
2. Tell your partner what you need—Communicate with your partner about how to make your roles as egalitarian as possible (and see #1 above!).
3. Be an ally to other women—We’ve all felt judged at one time or another about our choices as mothers. Remember the cultural and institutional forces that make working and parenting difficult, and cut other women slack.
4. Sign up for MomsRising—10 percent of the proceeds of Maxed Out will be donated to this leading advocacy organization for moms and the people who love them. They lobby for parental leave, flexible work, other policies that improve the lives of families.
5. Let your HR manager know about ROWE—A management strategy gaining traction in corporate America, Results-Only Work Environments (ROWE) emphasizes employee results over traditional measures like the number of hours worked. Companies are finding that it actually saves them money and boosts productivity.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 15, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I am often surprised how few of my clients are clear when it comes to the difference between goals and vision. Below is an except from David Neagle\’s blog where he clarifies the issue:
\”A vision is a clear picture of what you’d like for your life or business.
When I was just starting out, my vision was pretty simple. I could only see a few things.
I wanted a boat and I wanted to buy property in Central Wisconsin for when I retired.
Some people have grander visions like a house in Italy or speaking on huge stages.
The key piece with a vision is that it is not about anyone else. It’s what you want for you; and it maybe hidden in your secret thoughts that you’ve never told anyone about.
A goal is a step toward that big vision.
It’s something you need to do that will take you closer to realizing your vision.
My vision was to buy a boat, so I set a goal for myself to double my income.
By increasing my income, I would be closer to having the ability to buy that boat.
Think of goals as the rungs of a ladder that leads to your vision at the top.
Keep in mind that as you take steps toward your vision, it may begin to change.
As your vision changes continue setting goals to take you closer to that vision, and when you see opportunities, always ask yourself: Is this taking me closer to my vision or further away?
Let your vision be your guide.\”
This periodic reassessment of vision is key. As you may know I am making some changes in my business and these come from a refocusing of my vision
When is the last time you gave your vision and update? I suggest you take an hour to walk, journal or do anything that gets you in a calm meditative space. Focus in on what You want for You. If your vision is in need of updating, you may have some surprises!
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