by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 14, 2025 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog, Self Awareness
Humility vs. Humiliation: The Medicine of Meeting Failure Honestly
There’s a rawness to failing in real time. No tidy reframes. No polished lessons yet. Just the unmistakable feeling: I didn’t meet the mark.
This is where we often confuse two very different experiences: humiliation and humility.
Humiliation wounds the ego
Humiliation says, “This proves I’m not enough.” It spirals into performance, defensiveness, or collapse. We protect. We explain away. We pretend it wasn’t a big deal.
Humility says, “This is what’s true right now.” No spin. No grandstanding. Just sober willingness to see ourselves clearly. Humility is not self-abandonment; it is self-honest. It is an inner softening that makes real growth possible.
When we stop performing, we meet the ground of our actual capacity. Sometimes we did our best and it wasn’t enough… yet. Sometimes we held back when we knew we could have given more. Both truths grow us if we let them.
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- Authenticity deepens. We stop trying to look perfect and start being true.
- Compassion expands. Once we hold ourselves kindly in failure, we naturally hold others more gently too.
- Resilience strengthens. Humility metabolizes the moment so we can rise wiser rather than harder.
A simple practice for the “raw moment”
- Name it plainly. “I failed at X.” One sentence. No excuses.
- Locate the lesson. “What became clear that wasn’t clear before?”
- Choose your stance. “Given what I now see, will I try again—or release this path?”
- Bless the next step. One courageous action today that honors your updated truth.
You don’t need to be invulnerable to be powerful. Let humility do its quiet, beautiful work. It will return you to the center that cannot be shaken.
For more on practicing humility without self-erasure, join me on the Roar of Love Podcast.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 20, 2019 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
As a being who is intrinsically connected to the rest of the world—whose personal wants are the whispers of the universe—your longings are not arbitrary, but essential. They are not whims, but movements of the divine. The deep wellspring from which your true nature flows is both unique and part of the divine unfolding.
\”The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.\”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
While it is impossible to deny who we are—how can we be anything other than ourselves—paradoxically, we learn through the course of our lives to be more or (in many cases) less pure expressions of what resides in our heart of hearts. Being ourselves is the most natural and simple thing in the world, yet it can take quite a bit of effort.
To truly be living beings, we must surrender to the deeper truth of who we are, found through the exploration of what we love the most. It is when we are inspired, lit up, and aligned that we will find this wellspring of our eternal nature. And when it comes right down to it, anything besides being and doing what we love is, quite simply, a waste of our time.
\”You are the perfect expression of the universe exactly where you are in this moment.\” ~Alan Watts
Let’s not get confused on this point and think that life is easy and that our true nature will unfold without effort if only we are connected to it. All great works of art require effort and sometimes sacrifice. At times, our confusion about who we are can lead us to fixate on people, places, things, or ways of life that are not in alignment with who we truly are. In these moments of forgetting our self, we can be convinced that attaining the object of our desire will confirm something about us that we desperately want to believe (or disbelieve). These experiences can leave us wondering if we can trust the expressions of our deeper nature’s wants and desires.
But we can also use these moments to show us the nature of our own heart instead. We may learn through them what is not real and true, and we may find the opportunity to slip more deeply into what is. We can learn through these experiences that some love affairs are dalliances while others are romances that cross lifetimes, but all are beautiful teachers about the nature of our soul.
We can also sometimes be deeply disappointed by the twists and turns of life—what was once so clear and certain falling away as if it never was. We can feel in the words of Jennifer Welwood’s “The Dakini Speaks” that “life has broken her secret promise to us.”
In situations like these, we might start to doubt our direction and our deeper nature that called it forward, thinking that “we have been wrong before” and perhaps “it is better to save myself the heartache.” As we do this, our essential nature becomes more and more abstract and less and less realized. Or confusion increases and our investment in what is less ourselves does too.
Once we get confused and disconnected from our deeper nature, we are lucky if we can remember that our lives are meant to be an unfolding of our selves to ourselves. We are meant to be guided by our love, our happiness, and our dreams. We are meant to have our hearts broken as well so that we can continue to expand into bigger and truer dreams.
We really only have this one job in the course of our lives: being who it is we truly are. Navigating the pains that make us hold back and shut down. Finding, loving, and caring for what we are by our very design. Learning to bring that into the world with each opportunity. Living the paradox of knowing and not knowing ourselves.
Why do we dance this dance of being ourselves? Because there is a sacred fire burning in each one of us that demands a life fully lived.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 1, 2019 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Like all relationships, our relationships with ourselves are strengthened by time, attention, and respect. Through the course of a day, we can make countless large and small choices to honor the truth of who we are and what it is that we believe. We can strengthen ourselves and support our own development by making these choices in the way that is truly right for us. We can also focus our attention on the honoring of our truth in specific and deliberate ways so that we can feel more fully expressed and more completely alive.
01 Creativity: Speak it, dance it, write it, draw it, play it. Creative mediums give form to what is true inside of us. The medium itself can draw out, refine, and help us see our truth in a different way. Once it is outside of us, we can see it from a new, more objective angle.
02 Livelihood: When we live out a major part of our life in a way that is right for us, it is a way of honoring the truth of who we are. Do something that you love with people whom you love, and you will feel a sense of authenticity—not to mention joy—permeate your life.
03 Ritual: Like creativity, ritual gives us a medium to express what is most important to us. You can use ritual to honor yourself directly or to honor deities, animals, and plants that represent things that are important to you. Taking the time to do something where the main purpose is to acknowledge, mark, or clarify intention strengthens our connection to what is important.
04 Communication: Especially if you tend to hold your words back, learning to speak what is true for you throughout your life and with all people is a powerful way to honor yourself. No more hiding, adjusting, or omitting. Know and speak your truth as often as you can.
05 Dream: There is what is true now, and then there is the truth that will emerge over time. One can be an echo of the other. We can honor ourselves by letting ourselves envision our futures, feel our potential, and dream our desires.
When we honor what is most true about us, what we most value, what is most important—that is when we strengthen ourselves, show ourselves respect, and create avenues for our full expression in the world.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jan 27, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
On my radio show last week, a woman called in and asked “How can I know what is the right way to move forward?” Which argument from her mind can she trust when she can make so many different arguments to go in one direction or another?
This is such a good question! Our minds can confuse us to no end. So, how can we find our way out of this confusion into clarity about how to move forward?
We need to learn to live from our core.
One way to define the core (a term that comes from Core Energetics) is that it is the deepest part of ourselves that we have access to. In Core Energetics, they teach that there are three aspects of the self: the mask, lower self and core self. The mask is our persona. The face we put on for the world so that we can get along. Our lower self is the part of us that runs on animal instinct. This is fight, flight or freeze. It is about survival in a primal sense. Our core self on the other hand is best understood as transcendent love, as our deepest truth and highest human ideals.
When you are more connected to your core, your path forward seems clearer, you feel happier and more at peace, and you are able to have a more positive impact. Think about it this way. Would you rather make your decision from a place where you are doing what you think you should or have to do, where you are angry or fearful, or where you are in contact with the highest truest part of yourself?
That kind of breaks it down, right?
So, lets look at some ways that you can connect in with the core of who you are:
Challenge your Mask: Most of the time we walk around in the superficial part of our selves – the mask. In fact, many people don’t even know that is where they are living from. You can challenge you mask by asking if what you are thinking or feeling is actually true or if it might be able to be viewed from a different perspective. The work of Byron Katie does a wonderful job of challenging the mask and reconnecting people with a deeper part of themselves.
Do things you love: It is a very simple fact that if you do more things you love you feel happier, more fulfilled and more at peace. The trick is to know if you REALLY love what you are doing or if you have just adopted it because it is socially acceptable. So, pay attention. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book Flow. This book states that when we are doing things we truly love we experience things like time disappearing because we are so engrossed in what we are doing.
Get inspired: From a beautiful painting to a sublime piece of music, we connect with our core when we are inspired. This effortless way of returning to our core can be used frequently through our days and weeks to nurture this connection.
Know your values: When we are in integrity with ourselves, we are more connected to the core of who we are. One of the things that I teach in my programs is that there are no methods or rules that guarantee a person fulfillment and success because each one of us needs to create a life and or business that is in alignment with who we are at a deep level and our values help us do this.
Return to love: The most challenging and most profoundly life-changing strategy for connecting with your core is simply returning to love when you have left it behind. This requires that you are experienced enough with feeling deep love and that you are aware enough to switch gears at will. This is also a central teaching in my work. I believe that as people learn to do this their life becomes infinitely better.
Speaker, Author and Mentor Dr. Kate Siner has been helping people connect to their core and live inspired lives for over 15 years. Join Kate on her weekly radio show Real Answers, Thursdays at 9am PST to get answers to your most important questions on how to live a fulfilled and joy filled life.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jan 25, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
We all have flashes of inspiration. Sometimes they appear as quiet whispers in the night, as fleeting thoughts in the morning shower or as huge \”a-ha!\” moments. The question is: Are you giving enough attention to the clues that your inner voice is sending? How can you get more attuned to the inner directives? Here are three ways to get started.
1) Knowledge Is Power
Socrates said it best: \”Know Thyself.\” This includes understanding what makes you feel alive, what captures your imagination, and also what comes naturally to you. Knowing your strengths is a huge advantage. If you have a great sense of humor, creativity or an ability to communicate easily with people, then you can build on those qualities to create your best life. By focusing on enhancing your strengths rather than trying to make up for your weaknesses, you can move more quickly in your desired direction and have fun in the process. Ask a few friends what they see as your strengths, and do the same for them. You may be surprised!
2) Get Into The Flow
Have you ever been so caught up in an activity that the hours fly by in what seemed like minutes? This is called being in a flow state. According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow can happen when you\’re totally immersed in what you are doing and feeling both serene and connected. This buoyant state can happen many ways, including when deeply focusing on a sport, writing a paper or even playing music. Yoga and mindfulness are reported to increase flow, but it can occur anywhere your skill level is equal to your challenge and you get totally absorbed in the activity. When athletes say they were \”in the zone,\” they are talking about flow. When artists refer to the music, art or inspiration flowing through them, it is the same state. Think of times when you were engrossed in something: your attention was heightened and you felt that everything was aligned. What if you made the choice to make more time for that in your day to day?
For me, yoga is where I experience flow. Although I never set my sights on being a yoga teacher, I noticed (and happened to pay attention to) an ad in the paper about a yoga teacher-training course. After checking into it, I decided to go for it. The course was one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever taken on – every class was like immersing myself in flow. What are some ways that you can incorporate more flow into your daily life?
3) Embody What You Believe In
Once you know your strengths and where you experience flow, you can consciously tweak your life to include more of that. By stepping into your authenticity, you automatically come into greater alignment and a peace that serves not only yourself but others, as well. Gandhi stated that \”[h]appiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.\” Don\’t underestimate the importance of your own fulfillment and happiness; it ripples out farther than you may know. Rather than rocking the boat by being who you are, you actually give other people permission to do the same. Listen to the clues. By being on the lookout for directives, you will start to see them everywhere.
Steve Jobs has an interesting quote:
\”Your time is limited, so don\’t waste it living someone else\’s life… Don\’t let the noise of others\’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.\”
If you can tap into your intuition and inner wisdom to direct your passions, you can use that in your own life, as well as to serve others. Then, you will easily embody what you believe, and your authentic happiness will shine the way for others, too.
What are you passionate about in your life?
Randy Taran is the founder of Project Happiness, a non-profit that empowers youth to create greater happiness in their lives and in the world. She is the co author, with Maria Lineger, of the Project Happiness Handbook. Programs which grew from the book, make the best of positive psychology, neuroscience and mindfulness accessible nationwide and in over 80 countries.
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