by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 31, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
First the definition:
\”The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.\”
Now the word:
Grit.
The definition of grit almost perfectly describes qualities every successful person possesses, because mental toughness builds the foundations for long-term success.
For example, successful people are great at delaying gratification. Successful people are great at withstanding temptation. Successful people area great at overcoming fear in order to do what they need to do. (Of course that doesn\’t mean they aren\’t scared–that does mean they\’re brave. Big difference.) Successful people don\’t just prioritize, they consistently keep doing what they have decided is most important.
All those qualities require mental strength and toughness–so it\’s no coincidence those are some of the qualities of remarkably successful people.
Here are ways you can become mentally stronger–and as a result more successful:
1. Always act as if you are in total control.
There\’s a quote often credited to Ignatius: \”Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.\” (Cool quote.)
The same premise applies to luck. Many people feel luck has a lot to do with success or failure. If they succeed, luck favored them and if they fail luck was against them.
Most successful people do feel good luck played some role in their success. But they don\’t wait for good luck… or worry about bad luck… they act as if success or failure is totally within their control. If they succeed, they caused it. If they fail, they caused it.
By not wasting mental energy worrying about what might happen to you, you can put all your effort into making things happen. (And then if you get lucky… hey, you\’re even better off.)
You can\’t control luck, but you can definitely control you.
2. Put aside things you have no ability to impact.
Mental strength is like muscle strength–no one has an unlimited supply. So why waste your power on things you can\’t control?
For some people it\’s politics. For others it\’s family. For others it\’s global warming. Whatever it is, you care… and you want others to care.
Fine. Do what you can do: Vote. Lend a listening ear. Recycle and reduce your carbon footprint. Do what you can do. Be your own change–but don\’t try to make everyone else change.
3. See the past as valuable training… and nothing more.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your perspective. When something bad happens to you, see it as an opportunity to learn something you didn\’t know. When another person makes a mistake, don\’t just learn from it–see it as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn\’t define you. Think about what went wrong but only in terms of how you will make sure that next time you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
4. Celebrate the success of others.
Many people–I guarantee you know at least a few–see success as a zero-sum game: there\’s only so much to go around. When someone else shines they think that diminishes the light from their stars.
Resentment sucks up a massive amount of mental energy–energy better applied elsewhere.
When a friend does something awesome, that doesn\’t preclude you from doing something awesome. In fact where success is concerned birds of a feather tend to flock together–so draw your unsuccessful friends even closer.
Don\’t resent awesomeness. Create and celebrate awesomeness, wherever you find it, and in time you\’ll find even more of it in yourself.
5. Never allow yourself to whine. (Or complain. Or criticize.)
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems always makes you feel worse, not better.
So if something is wrong don\’t waste time complaining. Put that mental energy into making the situation better. (Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you\’ll have to make it better.)
So why waste time? Fix it now. Don\’t talk about what\’s wrong. Talk about how you\’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don\’t just serve as a shoulder they can cry on. Friends don\’t let friends whine; friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Focus only on impressing yourself.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all \”things.\” People may like your things–but that doesn\’t mean they like you.
(Sure, superficially they might seem to like you, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship not based on substance is not a real relationship.)
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you\’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
And you\’ll have a lot more mental energy to spend on the people who really do matter in your life.
7. Count your blessings.
Take a second every night before you turn out the light and in that moment, quit worrying about what you don\’t have. Quit worrying about what others have that you don\’t.
Think about what you do have. You have a lot to be thankful for. Feels pretty good, doesn\’t it?
Feeling better about yourself is the best way to recharge your mental batteries of all.
Reblogged from Inc.com.
(more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 29, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I consider myself really lucky to have worked and studied with some truly great people. One of those people is Lin Morel. I can’t even tell you how many times she has saved my butt or gotten me back on track when I needed it with her innate wisdom.
One of the things that Lin has helped me with is learning how to trust my intuition even more. This has been a lifelong process for me. I rely on it so heavily in all that I do and yet I still sometimes find myself overriding it with my head. So, this week has been about hearing it and taking immediate action. I highly suggest this. One week might change your life!
We all have a little voice inside that tells us what we should do. And, if you are like most people you have also wondered whether that voice should be listened to or whether it is actually just fear, doubt, escapism or fantasy. (If you are new to the little voice inside it might help you to know that this “voice” can be a feeling, words, or even colors and tastes.) When we develop our ability to listen to this inner voice we gain a lot of power to navigate our way through the world. So, how can we develop it?
First let’s start to look at some things that people mistake for their inner voice:
Fear and Doubt: Fear and doubt are sneaky and they quickly jump in the way of our highest and best self and potential. They tell us that it was all a mistake. Or, that this could not really be the right way. Or, sometimes they just shut us down completely.
Escapism and Fantasy: These two feel good but they keep us looking for something other than what we have. They are usually used to avoid the hard work that we might need to do.
Now let’s look at what might help us hear that inner voice more:
When it is good it is simple and clear: A client and brilliant yoga instructor and therapist, Grace Dulude said on the phone with me today “You go in the direction of the energy.” If it is intensely fearful or intensely good that is where you want to go. Why? Because, the energy is drawing you to the next step.
Ok! Well, I think you might have a clue of how challenging that can be at times. Especially when we are feeling intense negative emotions like fear or anger but give it a try. You will find that you inner guidance is a powerful GPS for your success and fulfillment.
(more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 27, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What does it mean to be on your path? What does it mean to have a sense of deep purpose? A person who is connected to their life\’s intentions does not do good because of sheer willpower. They do it through a combination of humility and faith connected to something beyond just themselves … they hitch their wagon to a higher meaning, which is a power more powerful than self-will.
Such a person is at ease with the essential goodness of life in spite of in the tumult of daily life, with all it\’s burdens and setbacks, because they have connected the spark of goodness in themselves with the universal goodness inherent in every atom or creation.
Such people become a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela or a Rosa Parks or YOU. This is the soil on which greatness gives birth.
reblogged from quora.com
(more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 24, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Have you ever noticed how stressed most people seem to be on a regular basis? People are tired, burnt out, and mentality fried. This is something that is completely avoidable. I believe a large reason why this occurs is people possess a “have to” mentality. They really don’t want to be doing something be feel obligated or burdened. They “have to” do it. This week we’re going to discuss why life would be a lot more enjoyable if we all possessed a “get to” mentality.
First, lets talk about having kids. Too often it seems as if parents “have to” do something with their kids. We have a pretty cool neighborhood pool for kids, it has water slide, lazy river, swings, fountains, and lap pool. I take my three-year old son up there quite regularly and we have a blast playing in the pool. What’s sad is that I notice too many parents at the pool who possess the “have to” mentality. They have to take their kids there. These are the parents who don’t pay attention to their kids as they sit and gossip with other parents, sunbathe, or play on phones. My mentality is that I “get to” take my son to the pool and play. Right now it’s cool for him to spend every minute playing in the water with dad, especially repeatedly dunking me under water! I cherish those moments. I “get to” have them.
It’s important as parents that we maintain this “get to” perspective. My wife and I were talking about this the other day about our two-week old son. Right now we are in the middle of three-hour sleep shifts and feedings throughout the night. But it’s like the Darius Rucker song; It Won’t Be Like This For Long. Things change so quickly, time flies by, and the time will come too soon when our boys are all grown up and out of the house. It’s important to remind ourselves of this when our child wants to read the same book, watch the same movie, play with same toy over and over again. We are going to miss those precious moments when they’re a teenager and those things are not cool anymore. Whether it’s late night feedings, cuddling and tucking in at bedtime, we need to cherish those moments while having the “get to” mentality.
We can apply the same “get to” mentality with work. Too many people are unhappy with and dread going to their jobs. I’ve never really understood this; if you’re unhappy, do something about it. Change your job or career path. People should be more thankful for being physically and mentally able to work. There are many people who are not so fortunate throughout the world. They’d gladly trade positions. Many people struggle to pay bills and feed their families. If you’re able to do this comfortably you’re one of the lucky ones. When we adopt the “get to” mindset with work it will take us to new heights. Our energy, outlook, focus, and production will all improve. I love teaching and coaching. It’s not something that feels like a job. It’s not I “have to” go to work, it’s I “get to” go to work.
One of the guarantees that we all have in life is facing obstacles. At some point in our lives we all will face hardships. The difference between those who overcome them and those who don’t is all in how the obstacle is approached. If we use the “get to” mindset we can see an obstacle as an opportunity for self-improvement. A setback will be seen as an opportunity for a comeback. We will only see this hardship as a bump in the road and not the final destination. By using the “get to” approach we come out better, stronger, and more confident through overcoming the challenge.
The great thing about sports is that no matter the sport, this lesson can and should be taught at all levels. As coaches, we can make a positive impact on the world by teaching our athletes to attack everything with the “get to” mindset. Those who have it will be the most successful.
reblogged from Kyle Elmendorf\’s coaching blog.
(more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 22, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I have worked with thousands of coaching clients over the years. Together, they have given us incredible insight into what the average human being needs to do to go from “loathing” to “loving” their life. And, of course, we’ve successfully helped the vast majority of them gradually get from point A to point B.
What most of these people never suspected is that they would have to learn how to do lots of little things differently. Because the truth is, there are specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world that we all have to master before we can awaken to a simpler, happier, more fulfilling life – a life worth loving. And that’s precisely what this post is all about.
No matter what part of life’s path you’re traveling on, the list below will always be applicable. These are simple, positive habits that thousands of people who have learned to love their lives, now live by. Here’s what they do differently…
- They flow with life, not against it. – When everything in life seems to be going wrong, mostly it’s meant to go wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow. Keep this in mind. Life may wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you. For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else. You don’t have to accept it; it’s just easier if you do. When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little. Sometimes you simply need to take a deep breath and appreciate what is.
- They let go of self-defeating thoughts. – Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger, regret and frustration. Let go of the need for approval too. You don’t need any of it. The world is as we are inside. What we think, we see, and we ultimately become. So choose your thoughts wisely. Think how you want to live.
- They prove themselves to themselves, not others. – If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value. Don’t do this to yourself.
- They believe in the possibilities ahead. – You are a victim of the beliefs you live by. And a belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses, it is an idea that possesses the mind. So believe in yourself. Believe in your capacity to succeed. Believe that there are many roads to what’s right. Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths. Believe that the answers are out there waiting. Believe that life will surprise you again and again. Believe that the journey is the destination. Believe that it’s all worth your while.
- They find the positive in every situation. – The most underrated trait of all successful people I’ve ever met: Positivity. Your attitude directly determines how well you live your life.
- They appreciate what they have. – Every now and then it’s good to pause in your pursuit of happiness, look around, and simply be happy for what you already have in your life.
- They nurture their own inner peace. – In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. Take a few deep breaths, a relaxing walk, or a moment to meditate. When you find peace within, you who can live at peace in any situation.
- They find the courage to be real. – It takes courage to grow up, grow wiser, and turn out to be who you really are. Find the courage to own your story. To speak your truth. To ask for what you need. To set boundaries. And to reach out for love and support when you need it.
- They maintain high personal standards based on strong values. – Goals are important but they are temporary. Values on the other hand are forever. Raise your standards by taking a values-driven, not just a goal-focused, approach to life.
- They walk the talk and always set a great example. – Be the change you want to see. Give what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.
- They help themselves by helping others. – We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever; the goal is to create something that will… an idea or gesture that helps others live better. Strong people stand up for themselves; stronger people stand up for others too. Remember this next time you feel like flexing your muscles.
- They use self-reflection as a tool to keep things in perspective. – Never forget where you’ve been, lose sight of where you’re going, or take for granted the people who travel the journey with you.
- They make their important relationships a daily priority. – An incredible thing happens when you pay close attention. It’s by participating more in your relationships that you breathe life into them.
- They accept that not all relationships are meant to last. – This is a harsh truth. And what we do with our pain is nearly everything. To punish people for not loving us is a heartbreaking, broken sort of justice. It just doesn’t work out for anyone. So let the wrong ones go, willingly. Ultimately, you will meet two kinds of people in life: those who build you up and those who tear you down. In the end, though, you will thank them both. Because the wrong relationships eventually lead to the right ones.
- They leave the past behind. – Don’t let the past steal your present. Your past has not defined, deterred, or defeated you. It has only strengthened who you are today. Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.
- They make every day count. – What you do daily matters more than what you do every once in awhile. Your life will not improve unless you start making daily improvements. It’s not about being the smartest, it’s about making the smartest decision. It’s not about being right, it’s about doing the right things.
- They do the work. – The near-term cost of discipline is always less than the long-term cost of lack of discipline. At some point you have to stop wishing for it and start working for it.
- They focus on effectiveness, not busyness. – The great paradox of our time is that many of us are busy and bored at the same time. Busyness and effectiveness are two different things.
- They get uncomfortable. – You can’t learn, grow and succeed until you get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The best wins in life often come only after you dare to lose.
- They break-up their routines to seek new insight. – You will often see what is wrong when you are doing it right. But you will rarely see what is right when you are comfortably in the routine of doing it wrong. If you want a new tomorrow, then make new choices today. Mix it up! Sometimes a break from your routine is the very thing you need.
- They take action in spite of their fears. – Dreading is often far worse than just doing the thing. Dread rehearses a scenario over and over without progress and success ever showing up. So just do it already! Stand strong. Do what you fear, and fear disappears. Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words.
- They use change as an opportunity to grow. – Life is change, but growth is optional. Choose wisely. To be a success in life you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to remain perfectly capable of improving. Let your mistakes, and life’s twists and turns, strengthen you. Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
- They always give themselves another chance. – Sometimes the bad things that happen in your life put you on a direct path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. You just have to give yourself another chance to get there.
Afterthoughts
Do the best you can to smile. Be so busy loving your life and the people in it that you have no time left for hate, regret or unnecessary stress. In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.
Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds – struggles and all. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.
reblogged from Marc and Angel Hack Life.
(more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 20, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
You know what people have been telling me my entire life? That I need to hide my intelligence. I started hearing this when I was in third grade. Ironically, this is when my learning disabilities started to manifest so while I certainly wasn\’t feeling too intelligent , I would none-the-less hear things like “Don’t use such big words.”
As I got older it continued. While I struggled with time, dyslexia and spelling I was simultaneously told that I should dumb it down my ideas.
I didn’t know how to dumb it down because I didn’t understand how I made it smart.
When I started growing my business, I heard it all again. In fact, I still hear it! And, I did have a lot to learn about getting my message out there. That was the whole reason I went to school – so that I could clearly speak to people in a way that would help change lives and the world for the better. So, believe me I listened!
After I learned a lot about what I was doing to get in my own way, I arrived at a simple truth as a result of hearing what my clients said week after week. THEY LIKED THAT I WAS SMART!!! For them, my intelligence was why many of them were working with me.
So, what did I learn from this that I think might benefit you?
A few simple things:
We often have to leave behind what we know to learn enough to come back and use it in a new way.
NEVER, EVER, accept someone telling you that one of your gifts is something you should hide.
Listen to all feedback that you get to help you become MORE of who you are rather than less.
(more…)
