by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 22, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The most important part of any self-improvement plan is a healthy dose of respect. Very often, I approach this teaching through a discussion of self-love. I talk about how important it is that we love and care for ourselves in a deep way. However, I am going to focus this discussion through the lens of respect.
Respect is a deep acknowledgement and honoring of the totality of who we are. It is a critical component of self-love. Personal development work will not really begin to shift our life until we do the work with a fundamental respect for all of who we are, rather than a desire to fix, improve or change who we are.
Respect for ourselves keeps us on the path of doing our work and helps us to do it in a way that honors our deep nature.
It is too easy to approach personal development work with the mindset that something needs to be fixed. We might be left feeling this way because of the emotional pain or life event that motivated us to start this work. Along the way you will most definitely meet parts of yourself that you do not like and be tempted to go in directions that do not really serve the true you.
But what if instead we were to move forward on our personal development journey with the belief that the process of growth is an honoring of who we are and who we can become. Honoring who we are in every way implies a deep respect -deeper than perhaps you have ever known.
Respect is both respect for the process and respect for each and every aspect of who you are. Additionally, respect for ourselves translates into respect for others. As we learn to treat ourselves with respect we begin to see how we can do this for others.
Two of the central things that keeps us from growing and changing are the limitations and rules that we put on ourselves because of how we think that we should be. How we think we should be is without respect for who we truly are. It negates rather than strengthens. It distorts rather than clarifies.
Respect holds you and cares for you in the cauldron of transformation. The more you can respect yourself and your process, the more you will connect with your deeper nature and unfold into the totality of who you are, achieving a profound sense of fulfillment.
When we approach our work with respect, it brings strength and clarity. It helps us see where to work and where to yield to something greater than us. It makes our transformational process more gentle.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 15, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It is all too easy to go through large or small chunks of life not really knowing exactly what you want in life. From early on in our lives, many of us learn to prioritize the wants and needs of others. Years go by and we can wake up to discover that we have yet to truly step into our own lives. Facing this reality and finding our way to what is truly meaningful can feel like a daunting task.
Where do we look to find what we truly want? How do we learn this skill of connection to our core when we have only been taught to measure our happiness in terms of material success or the happiness of those around us?
If you have been asking yourself these types of questions , you are not alone and you can learn how to listen to your deeper nature and live it more fully and in a more fulfilling way each day.
There are three practices that, when included in your daily life, will help you open up to what you truly want in your life: Permission, Space, Desire.
- Permission: Honor yourself by giving yourself complete permission to embrace who you are.
- Space: Respect the process that you are inside of and give yourself the time that you need to do the self inquiry and personal development that will really make a difference.
- Desire: Pay attention to your true desires. What you are drawn to holds the key to who you are and how to live a deeply fulfilling life.
Let’s dig a little deeper into what is meant by each of these terms and how you can bring them into your everyday to achieve exactly what you want in life.
Permission is found in each and every moment that we say yes to ourselves and our process. Permission is the deep honoring of who we are and what we need.
Permission is not a one time affair. Permission is something that we need to give to ourselves each and every day, hour, and moment. Too often, we limit ourselves to living by the rules of what we perceive as possible –what we think we can and cannot do. These often arbitrary rules are major obstacles to our happiness.
When we do not give ourselves permission to feel what we feel, act as we see right, and pursue the things that truly make us happy we remain stuck in either large or small ways. The message that we send to our deeper self when we do this is that we do not value ourselves. It is like trying to have a conversation with someone who is distracted. Our deeper self will give up trying to communicate with us because we are not helping the dialogue along.
Conversely, when we step in fully, such as when we join a personal development program, start a hobby that makes us truly happy, or just give voice to our inner experience, we begin to hear the voice of our deeper nature. Permission makes it possible to create the space that we need in our life to do this most essential work.
Space means creating the time to do our work. Both the time to focus on it and the time it takes for it to unfold. We need the space to put ourselves in new situations, the space to not know, and the space to feel more deeply “into” ourselves.
Chances are you have been living without this space in your life. The pressures of work, family, and friends can leave us with too many obligations, too much input or too many rules. We become full with outside agendas and forget the quiet voice of our deeper longing, which requires space, quiet, and time to truly be heard.
Many people finally create space in their life after a crisis. They join a program, take a trip, or just spend some quiet time at home questing after what will make them deeply happy. It is in this space that we can truly hear the rumblings of our deep desires and where we have a chance to follow them in the direction of our bliss.
The truth is that who we are at our very core never leaves us. We cannot lose it or break it. However, the degree to which we respect and honor all that we are is the degree to which we derive a deep sense of fulfillment. And, we can show this respect and honor by acknowledging and following our desire. Knowing exactly what you want in life is just about listening to yourself.
Our desire shows us the way to our own heart. We naturally quest after and have an affinity for what supports our deeper nature, even if what we are seeking seems counter-intuitive or counterproductive. If what we are drawn to seems odd in this way, it is likely that our desire is showing us something that needs to be realized or released in order to be truly happy.
Our desire leads us in the direction that we need to go. It helps us connect with and unfold who we truly are. Feeling our desire and acting on it puts us in the flow of life. It brings energy, connectedness, and a dynamic feeling to each and every moment.
Permission, space, and desire work together to help us create happy, healthy, and more fulfilling lives. When we pay attention to how we are acting and interacting with each of these practices, we automatically begin to open up a deeper connection with who we truly are. We are able to feel the joy of connecting with our true self and we step into the beauty that is a part of each of our existences. The truth is, you always know exactly what you want in life, it is just a question of whether or not you go and get it.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 8, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It’s a journey not a destination: Think you are going to do a little personal development work, fix yourself, and then go back to life as usual? That is not how it works! Personal development is a lifetime journey! While it can be challenging at the beginning, you will soon notice that the rewards make the effort well worth it.
Let the past be the past: While learning about what shaped you is an important part of personal development, once you understand the past’s influence on creating where you are currently, it is time to let it go. We only heal after we have let the past be the past.
Every day is a new day: Frustrated because you fell off your personal development wagon or forgot for a moment (or many) that you were trying to do things differently? Remember that this is part of the process too! As soon as you can, remember that today is a new day and nothing needs to hold you back from moving forward in the way that you want to.
It is all perfect: Was it not supposed to look like this? Did you think your relationship was your last one, that you would feel more excited now that your kids have left home, or that your career was supposed to really fill you up? Regardless of whether things look like you thought they would, or not, it is all exactly as it should be. What do you have to learn from your situation, and how can you use it to be more, rather than less, of who you are?
It is all for you: Does it seem like some days the world is conspiring to take you down? It might feel that way, but, in truth, every little bit of what happens is helping you in your process of personal development. See if you can see the gift in the challenge and open up to a more generous and benevolent world.
P.S. Feel free to download this handy-dandy reminder of my five tips for personal development.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 31, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When the time comes to do some (or some additional) personal development work, it can be challenging to know how to get started. Should you schedule an appointment with a therapist, join a personal development group, or take a weekend workshop? On which aspects of your life should you focus your attention? Do you need to dig into your past, process some emotion, or learn a new skill to help you move forward? Here are some considerations that will help you determine the right people and the right environments needed to help you grow.
Where is the Challenge in your Life? Is your challenge predominantly personal, relational, professional, or organizational? Sometimes, the things we struggle with touch multiple areas of our life. If this is the case, I’d say your challenge fits in the “personal area” of your life because your personal life affects all other parts of your life.
What is the Location of your Challenge? This is the trickiest question to find the answer to. Challenges exist in different parts of a person’s life. Certain therapeutic modalities are suited to certain types of problems. For example, if your challenge has to do with a recurring family issue, then you’ll want to select a method that works with your ancestral line. If you have lots of negative thoughts, then you’ll want to use a modality that helps change your patterns of thinking and process stuck emotions.
What is your Processing Style? There are different strokes for different folks. Not all methods work for all people. What draws you in or repulses you is important to take into the equation. Listening to yourself is always the key to getting the right help.
Here are some different therapeutic approaches and moments when they might be useful for you:
- Core Energetics: Great for understanding defense patterns, clearing emotional baggage, and providing a deeper understanding of how to connect with the true you.
- Shadow Work: Provides a powerful tool for clearing emotional baggage and releasing unhelpful patterns of relating.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Essential skills for thinking positively and getting things done.
- Expressive Arts: Helpful for rooting out deep and often subconscious emotional patterns, and expanding possibilities.
- Imago: Great for supporting couples in understanding how to communicate more effectively and be truly present to each other in a relationship.
- Family Constellations: A powerful tool for helping clear ancestral issues and other challenges that may not have been learned directly in our lives.
- Professional Coaching: Offers results-focused support to meet professional goals. Optimal for people seeking professional excellence.
- Hypnosis: Extremely helpful in switching over belief systems and retraining the nervous system.
Are you looking for your next step in your personal development? I do my best in my LifeWork Community program to create a powerful transformational process to help people connect to the core of who they are and live from an alive, heart-centered place. I make a point to integrate different therapeutic approaches and teach core transformational skills. I would love for you to check it out!
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 28, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Here’s a list of the elements I consider essential to living a deeply fulfilling life.
Passion:
Figure out what you love to do. People are happier when they do what they love.
Do it often. Doing what you love makes you feel more fulfilled.
Remove things from your life that are mediocre, beige, flat, or merely tolerable. You only have so much time, attention, and energy. Don’t waste it on what doesn’t matter.
Courage:
Know what’s important to you.
Know why it’s important to you.
Because, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” F. Roosevelt
Kindness:
Learn to be good to others and do it as much as possible.
Learn to be good to yourself and do it as much as possible.
Go out of your way every day to do something especially nice for a total stranger.
Gratitude:
Pay attention to all the wonderful things that are a part of your life both large and small.
Thank people for what they bring to your life.
Learn to find gratitude even for the things and people that you find difficult.
Contemplation:
Take a few moments each day to sit quietly.
Keep a journal.
Learn to listen fully to what someone is saying. Really take it in before responding.
Forgiveness:
Make a list of everyone in your life that you have an unresolved issue with and find a way to resolve that issue within yourself and (if possible) with them.
Forgive yourself.
Make it a practice to forgive others as quickly as possible.
Play:
Make time to be creative in ways that please you the most.
Laugh as much as possible.
Remember that your life is what you dream it to be.
Does one of these essential elements particularly resonate with you? If so, I suggest that you write it down and put it somewhere you will see it every day. Every little reminder you create for yourself will help you stay on track!
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 21, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The more fulfilled we are, the more we inspire and fulfill the people around us. The more successful we are, the more we support other people in being successful.
In fact, how we live our life is our only tool to making the world a better place. Who we are and what we do makes a huge impact on others. When we make the world a better place, we enjoy being in it more.
Caring – as in really giving a damn – is essential to our fulfillment and success. The problem is that people often only care about meeting their own needs and having others meet their needs. They think that this is the only way to make themselves happy. While your needs are important, they are only part of the picture.
Once we learn to move out of apathy and start caring, we step into a whole new way of being in the world where:
We are at choice in all that we do.
We contribute and feel a healthy responsibility to the world around us.
We create a better world for everyone.
This kind of positive impact is at the heart of Right Livelihood.
People who feel fulfilled in their lives tend to be more generous, supportive, and available. They’re better able to give more to their partners, their children, and their community because they have the inner-resources from which to give.
A successful life makes everyone richer. When you on the path towards your Right Livelihood, you provide more for your family, those associated with your work, and those associated with them.
Every bit of Right Livelihood you create adds to the lives of others. It feeds, clothes, and houses other people as well as inspires them to create something for themselves.
When we focus on a path that leads to holistic, comprehensive success, we increase the general wealth in the world.
One of the first steps on your path to Right Livelihood is to find a representation of what you want to create. If you can see what you want then you can achieve it. When you can’t see it, you can\’t actually have a relationship to what it is you want. When you imagine a bigger or more expanded life, you’re on your way to it. Did you catch that? If you can see it then you are on your way.
Take a moment to journal about who or what represents Right Livelihood to you. If you don’t know, spend a few moments researching it.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
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