by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 20, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog, Self Awareness
In my LifeWork Community program I teach a number of ways that we can more productively work with our true self and bring its expression through our mask and into the world. The following are some of the areas that I address in my program and questions that you can use to support yourself in moving towards living your true self.
Self Love and Acceptance
People sometimes believe that you do personal development work if you are broken, but that is not really the case. Yes, it is true that hurt people work on themselves to feel better. However, it is also true that the best place to start your work from is a place of total acceptance. When we do our personal development work from a place of more and more appreciation, we gain so much more for our efforts.
What is one thing that you get on your case about that you can start to accept about yourself?
Personal Truth
Personal truth can sound like a lofty concept and like it is detached from everyday life, but this does not need to be the case. Our personal truth can be a felt and lived experience. In fact, it is. When we live our personal truth we feel happier, more loving, and more energized. When we step out of integrity we feel less happy, closed, and like we have lower energy.
When do you feel that you are connected to your personal truth? What does it feel like to you?
Harmony through Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a pathway to healing. Healing is a state of harmony and peace. When we hold onto grievances from the past the pain of these events is carried in us and is reflected in the world around us. We continually activate the pains so that they can be healed. The idea is not for us to suffer through life but to become aware that the pain is there so that it can be transformed.
What are you carrying from your past that needs to be let go of? What needs to happen for you to be ready to let it go?
Creativity and Expression
Our most highly attuned state is a creative state. Creativity and its expression are the result of being able to be in the present moment, spontaneous, and positively focused. Creativity is a form of healing and an aspiration of conscious growth. We cannot create without the willingness to see more than what has previously been.
How can you nurture creativity in your life?
Purpose and Meaning
People crave a sense of meaning and purpose. Without it, we often feel lost at sea. The trials and tribulations of life are hard to weather because we face them with no sense of what to do with them. We may even end up feeling victimized by life and see ourselves transform into a perpetrator. When we have a sense of meaning we create a pathway through the challenges of life and create a sense of inner peace.
What is most important to you? Why is it most important?
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 12, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When it comes to the “true self,” one fixed point for contemplation is the relationship between your ego and your essence. The terms “true self,” “ego,” and “essence” are broad and have many associations attached to them. Let’s take a look at how you can make your ego work for you as a tool to help you fully unearth your true self.
We need to have a working connection with our true self to feel a sense of success and fulfillment. Put another way, it’s only through our connection with our true self that we’re able to feel satisfied by the positive outcomes of our efforts.
Our ego is both an obstacle and an ally. On one hand, if our ego ran amok and ruled every decision we made, it would be impossible to experience our true self. On the other hand, our ability to fully access and express our true self emerges with the help of our ego.
Personal development work requires that you become aware of your ego and your true self. Further, this work teaches you how to use the many aspects of who you are in a productive way.
There are several common problems that people encounter along their path of personal development. The main problem is that once we realize that we’ve previously been totally consumed by our eg, we forget that we’re actually part of something much greater than ourselves.
As Eva Perakkos says:
“Even those of you who have, for years, formed a concept of the real self, of the creative substance that enlivens every human being, forget in ninety-five percent of your daily lives that this creative being lives and moves in you and you live and move in it. You forget its existence. You do not reach for its wisdom. You stake all your reliance on your limited outer ego self. You neglect to open yourself for the deeper self\’s truth and feelings. You go blithely ahead as though there really were nothing else but your conscious mind, your ego self with its immediately accessible thinking processes and will force.”
If she’s right and we do indeed forget to draw on the infinite richness always ever-present outside ourselves, what can we do to change this? How can we live from our true self more fully? How can we connect to our true self so that we can create richer and fuller lives?
I propose that we look at the ego as if it were a tool. Think of it this way: if I can use a hammer, then it can serve me. If I think I’m a hammer, then I will be used by something else to serve some other end (and most likely hit up against something quite hard in the process.) The only way that we can stay conscious of our ego is to employ it.
You can’t get rid of your ego, and you can’t ignore it either. And if you stop using it to help draw out your true self, you’re likely to fall under its illusion. So, how can you make your ego work for you? Well. You can draw on the will of your ego to focus yourself on removing obstacles to your true self. You can also work on strengthening the lived experience of your true self so that it becomes less and less of a concept and more and more of an indelible part of your everyday experience.
Eva:
The intellectual acceptance of the real self as a philosophical precept will not alleviate [the problems] because it cannot give a sense of reality and true experience of the real self. This requires more. It requires an actualization of the faculties of the real self.
What this means is that you’ve got to train your ego to sense and support the expression of your true self. The truth is that you really can feel into your true self. To do this, you need to use your ego to plug into the wants, needs and full expression of your deeper self and remove the obstacles to it along the way. All the while, keep your eye on your ego so that you do not fall under its spell.
Awareness, of all kinds, is not the end of the road. Rather, it’s part of a cycle. Once we have an awareness we need to learn how to apply it, live it, work with it.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 22, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The most important part of any self-improvement plan is a healthy dose of respect. Very often, I approach this teaching through a discussion of self-love. I talk about how important it is that we love and care for ourselves in a deep way. However, I am going to focus this discussion through the lens of respect.
Respect is a deep acknowledgement and honoring of the totality of who we are. It is a critical component of self-love. Personal development work will not really begin to shift our life until we do the work with a fundamental respect for all of who we are, rather than a desire to fix, improve or change who we are.
Respect for ourselves keeps us on the path of doing our work and helps us to do it in a way that honors our deep nature.
It is too easy to approach personal development work with the mindset that something needs to be fixed. We might be left feeling this way because of the emotional pain or life event that motivated us to start this work. Along the way you will most definitely meet parts of yourself that you do not like and be tempted to go in directions that do not really serve the true you.
But what if instead we were to move forward on our personal development journey with the belief that the process of growth is an honoring of who we are and who we can become. Honoring who we are in every way implies a deep respect -deeper than perhaps you have ever known.
Respect is both respect for the process and respect for each and every aspect of who you are. Additionally, respect for ourselves translates into respect for others. As we learn to treat ourselves with respect we begin to see how we can do this for others.
Two of the central things that keeps us from growing and changing are the limitations and rules that we put on ourselves because of how we think that we should be. How we think we should be is without respect for who we truly are. It negates rather than strengthens. It distorts rather than clarifies.
Respect holds you and cares for you in the cauldron of transformation. The more you can respect yourself and your process, the more you will connect with your deeper nature and unfold into the totality of who you are, achieving a profound sense of fulfillment.
When we approach our work with respect, it brings strength and clarity. It helps us see where to work and where to yield to something greater than us. It makes our transformational process more gentle.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 15, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It is all too easy to go through large or small chunks of life not really knowing exactly what you want in life. From early on in our lives, many of us learn to prioritize the wants and needs of others. Years go by and we can wake up to discover that we have yet to truly step into our own lives. Facing this reality and finding our way to what is truly meaningful can feel like a daunting task.
Where do we look to find what we truly want? How do we learn this skill of connection to our core when we have only been taught to measure our happiness in terms of material success or the happiness of those around us?
If you have been asking yourself these types of questions , you are not alone and you can learn how to listen to your deeper nature and live it more fully and in a more fulfilling way each day.
There are three practices that, when included in your daily life, will help you open up to what you truly want in your life: Permission, Space, Desire.
- Permission: Honor yourself by giving yourself complete permission to embrace who you are.
- Space: Respect the process that you are inside of and give yourself the time that you need to do the self inquiry and personal development that will really make a difference.
- Desire: Pay attention to your true desires. What you are drawn to holds the key to who you are and how to live a deeply fulfilling life.
Let’s dig a little deeper into what is meant by each of these terms and how you can bring them into your everyday to achieve exactly what you want in life.
Permission is found in each and every moment that we say yes to ourselves and our process. Permission is the deep honoring of who we are and what we need.
Permission is not a one time affair. Permission is something that we need to give to ourselves each and every day, hour, and moment. Too often, we limit ourselves to living by the rules of what we perceive as possible –what we think we can and cannot do. These often arbitrary rules are major obstacles to our happiness.
When we do not give ourselves permission to feel what we feel, act as we see right, and pursue the things that truly make us happy we remain stuck in either large or small ways. The message that we send to our deeper self when we do this is that we do not value ourselves. It is like trying to have a conversation with someone who is distracted. Our deeper self will give up trying to communicate with us because we are not helping the dialogue along.
Conversely, when we step in fully, such as when we join a personal development program, start a hobby that makes us truly happy, or just give voice to our inner experience, we begin to hear the voice of our deeper nature. Permission makes it possible to create the space that we need in our life to do this most essential work.
Space means creating the time to do our work. Both the time to focus on it and the time it takes for it to unfold. We need the space to put ourselves in new situations, the space to not know, and the space to feel more deeply “into” ourselves.
Chances are you have been living without this space in your life. The pressures of work, family, and friends can leave us with too many obligations, too much input or too many rules. We become full with outside agendas and forget the quiet voice of our deeper longing, which requires space, quiet, and time to truly be heard.
Many people finally create space in their life after a crisis. They join a program, take a trip, or just spend some quiet time at home questing after what will make them deeply happy. It is in this space that we can truly hear the rumblings of our deep desires and where we have a chance to follow them in the direction of our bliss.
The truth is that who we are at our very core never leaves us. We cannot lose it or break it. However, the degree to which we respect and honor all that we are is the degree to which we derive a deep sense of fulfillment. And, we can show this respect and honor by acknowledging and following our desire. Knowing exactly what you want in life is just about listening to yourself.
Our desire shows us the way to our own heart. We naturally quest after and have an affinity for what supports our deeper nature, even if what we are seeking seems counter-intuitive or counterproductive. If what we are drawn to seems odd in this way, it is likely that our desire is showing us something that needs to be realized or released in order to be truly happy.
Our desire leads us in the direction that we need to go. It helps us connect with and unfold who we truly are. Feeling our desire and acting on it puts us in the flow of life. It brings energy, connectedness, and a dynamic feeling to each and every moment.
Permission, space, and desire work together to help us create happy, healthy, and more fulfilling lives. When we pay attention to how we are acting and interacting with each of these practices, we automatically begin to open up a deeper connection with who we truly are. We are able to feel the joy of connecting with our true self and we step into the beauty that is a part of each of our existences. The truth is, you always know exactly what you want in life, it is just a question of whether or not you go and get it.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 8, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It’s a journey not a destination: Think you are going to do a little personal development work, fix yourself, and then go back to life as usual? That is not how it works! Personal development is a lifetime journey! While it can be challenging at the beginning, you will soon notice that the rewards make the effort well worth it.
Let the past be the past: While learning about what shaped you is an important part of personal development, once you understand the past’s influence on creating where you are currently, it is time to let it go. We only heal after we have let the past be the past.
Every day is a new day: Frustrated because you fell off your personal development wagon or forgot for a moment (or many) that you were trying to do things differently? Remember that this is part of the process too! As soon as you can, remember that today is a new day and nothing needs to hold you back from moving forward in the way that you want to.
It is all perfect: Was it not supposed to look like this? Did you think your relationship was your last one, that you would feel more excited now that your kids have left home, or that your career was supposed to really fill you up? Regardless of whether things look like you thought they would, or not, it is all exactly as it should be. What do you have to learn from your situation, and how can you use it to be more, rather than less, of who you are?
It is all for you: Does it seem like some days the world is conspiring to take you down? It might feel that way, but, in truth, every little bit of what happens is helping you in your process of personal development. See if you can see the gift in the challenge and open up to a more generous and benevolent world.
P.S. Feel free to download this handy-dandy reminder of my five tips for personal development.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 31, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When the time comes to do some (or some additional) personal development work, it can be challenging to know how to get started. Should you schedule an appointment with a therapist, join a personal development group, or take a weekend workshop? On which aspects of your life should you focus your attention? Do you need to dig into your past, process some emotion, or learn a new skill to help you move forward? Here are some considerations that will help you determine the right people and the right environments needed to help you grow.
Where is the Challenge in your Life? Is your challenge predominantly personal, relational, professional, or organizational? Sometimes, the things we struggle with touch multiple areas of our life. If this is the case, I’d say your challenge fits in the “personal area” of your life because your personal life affects all other parts of your life.
What is the Location of your Challenge? This is the trickiest question to find the answer to. Challenges exist in different parts of a person’s life. Certain therapeutic modalities are suited to certain types of problems. For example, if your challenge has to do with a recurring family issue, then you’ll want to select a method that works with your ancestral line. If you have lots of negative thoughts, then you’ll want to use a modality that helps change your patterns of thinking and process stuck emotions.
What is your Processing Style? There are different strokes for different folks. Not all methods work for all people. What draws you in or repulses you is important to take into the equation. Listening to yourself is always the key to getting the right help.
Here are some different therapeutic approaches and moments when they might be useful for you:
- Core Energetics: Great for understanding defense patterns, clearing emotional baggage, and providing a deeper understanding of how to connect with the true you.
- Shadow Work: Provides a powerful tool for clearing emotional baggage and releasing unhelpful patterns of relating.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Essential skills for thinking positively and getting things done.
- Expressive Arts: Helpful for rooting out deep and often subconscious emotional patterns, and expanding possibilities.
- Imago: Great for supporting couples in understanding how to communicate more effectively and be truly present to each other in a relationship.
- Family Constellations: A powerful tool for helping clear ancestral issues and other challenges that may not have been learned directly in our lives.
- Professional Coaching: Offers results-focused support to meet professional goals. Optimal for people seeking professional excellence.
- Hypnosis: Extremely helpful in switching over belief systems and retraining the nervous system.
Are you looking for your next step in your personal development? I do my best in my LifeWork Community program to create a powerful transformational process to help people connect to the core of who they are and live from an alive, heart-centered place. I make a point to integrate different therapeutic approaches and teach core transformational skills. I would love for you to check it out!
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