by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 10, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
One of the things that seems to get everyone in their business /life from time to time is rejection. You need to put yourself out there so many times. You need to hear \”No\” more than you hear \”Yes\”.
Suzanne Evans said recently that if you cant tolerate hearing \”No\” you shouldn\’t be running your own business. Getting used to rejection is an important part of staying on track in your business and your life.
Rejection comes in all shapes and sizes: client rejection, colleague rejection, job rejection, relationship rejection. Any time that a door closes we can call that a rejection. Here are some keys to how to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.
Cultivate self love: We need to be able to hold on to our value even when other people do not see it. We are best able to do this if we practice regular love and kindness toward ourselves. If you do not treat yourself fabulously, find a simple way to start and keep developing it.
When a door closes…: Yup. The reframe. I really believe that we are guided and that when a road gets blocked off it is to move us in the direction that we need to go. Do your absolute best and surrender to the outcome.
Sometimes this can get confusing. We can’t tell the difference between when we should persist and when we should throw in the towel. Learn to listen to your gut and your head and remember it is IMPOSSIBLE to make a wrong choice. There is no such thing.
Gather your support: You really can’t do it alone. Know the people who love you and show up regularly to give and receive love. There is nothing that will strengthen you more than the love and support of people who believe in you.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 8, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Today\’s tip: what to do on super-slow days.
Once in a while there are these days when loading the dishwasher is the most productive thing I can manage. (It may or may not happen on a verge of a big project I\’ve never tried before). Forget writing curriculum, planning workshops, or catching up on back-end stuff. I don\’t trust myself to do anything of consequence. In the past such days triggered an unpleasant mix of guilt and \”I\’m-a-failed-entrepreneur\” fear. Fun times.
Now… here is a simple strategy to a) make these days productive, and b) earn the bonus of avoiding guilt and self-bashing: Read. A book.
Most entrepreneurs have a list of books they plan to read \”someday\”. Well, that day is today. You can\’t sit yourself down and brainstorm, because you\’re too exhausted/scared/waiting for information/whatever. You don\’t trust yourself to do behind-the-scenes work for a client for the same reasons. You can barely tolerate the thought of interacting with another human being.
Time to sit down, make yourself a cup of coffee and open one of the better-written books on your list.
Don\’t rush into performing the exercises if the book offers any, as they often do. You\’ll have time for that later. Relax and read.
Soak the ideas. Get some validation for stuff you already know. It\’ll surface later when you network, teach, launch.
It\’s time well spent. Or rather, well-invested.
A smooth running, successful business is within your reach and Marina Darlow of Vision Framework can help you get there with systems for time management, cash flow, project plans and more.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 5, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I swear I have a little gremlin inside that pokes me every time I don\’t get the results I want. And with this poke, all of a sudden I am back in grade school wondering why I was never the first person picked for anything.
Crazy! And common! All in one package. Funny thing is — or not so funny — people believe they are \”not supposed to\” feel this way. I am not saying we should just take this interior abuse. I am just saying we should stop trying to hide from it.
We are social animals and have developed biologically to care what others think. The people who tell you they are totally over this are either enlightened or lying.
The likelihood that we are going to entirely escape this emotional jab to the ribs is slim. However, there are potential solutions that makes this more bearable. I am going to give you three.
- Surround yourself with good people.
- Love what you do.
- Stay in integrity with yourself.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 3, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
A recent study shows that only one out of every three Americans is actually happy. On a list of the top 20 happiest countries in the world, America just barely ranks at #17. This is kind of ridiculous when you think about all the freedoms and conveniences Americans enjoy that less wealthy nations will never experience. Even if you are not happy, it is likely you know someone who is. Think about how much you adore them and why. Observe them closely for a while and you might notice a surprising amount of room for growth in your own habits. Here are some of the things happy people do to make life better for everyone around them.
They Are Nice
It might seem like an overly general term, but happy people are usually nice. They are well-liked and pleasant to be around. They are respectful, warm, considerate, and helpful. They don’t get jealous. They don’t waste time gossiping and complaining. They seem to have infinite patience and give freely of themselves. Traits like these can only stem from a deep-seated sense of contentedness. Nice people create a social climate that puts everyone else at ease.
They Are Honest
True happiness cannot coexist with lies. Those who lie to themselves are more likely to lie to others and struggle with unhealthy relationships. Honesty starts with an informed sense of self. Happy people know who they are and aren’t afraid to show it. They are consistently themselves and do not feel the need to wear masks or pretend to be something they are not for any reason. Life is a lot less complicated when you allow yourself to be the same person at all times. By letting go of lies, happy people set an inspiring example which encourages those around them to flourish.
They Are Cooperative
Happy people are not overly concerned with dominating, yet they tend to come out on top. Victory is meaningless to the happy person without a team to share in the glory. There is a reason why it is customary for people who win awards to stand up and give a speech about all the people who helped them along the way. It is because nobody gets there alone, and taking all the credit for yourself is just mean. The idea of winning or dominating denotes pushing other people down on your way to the top. Those who recognize the efforts of others and freely share the joys of success tend to live much happier lives.
They Have Beautiful Smiles
There is a huge difference between smiling for the camera and smiling as a function of happiness. Anyone can show their teeth. Happy people smile with their entire bodies, and sometimes with all the energy in a one-foot radius. A real smile cannot be faked. When you run around emanating a radiant glow in response to all the joys of life, you are bound to attract some admirers.
They Are Well Adjusted
Happy people revel in life’s small pleasures. This gives them access to sources of joy that pass most people by. At the same time, they don’t get bogged down by the petty little details that seem to keep plenty of others stuck in the dumps. They know what is worth savoring and what to disregard. Happy people have a rational sense of scale to keep them grounded. The resulting positive perspective can turn any problem into an opportunity for growth.
They Surround Themselves with Happy People
Whether they actively seek out other folks with similar habits or they have the effect of raising the positive charge everywhere they go, happy people do not often stand alone. Glee is contagious. Groups of people tend to observe each other and subsequently imitate the most attractive behaviors they find in those around them. If enough folks agree to treat each other the way they would like to be treated, the result will be infectious and irresistible to bystanders.
They Are Spontaneous
A good relationship with the value of each passing moment is an essential component of happiness. If living in the present is so easy to do, why is it so many people are preoccupied with thoughts of the elsewhere, the future, and the past? Happy people are comfortable in their skin. They are content and aware in whatever moment they inhabit. This allows them to see opportunities for fun and adventure which others might overlook. It is part of why happy people are always the life of the party.
They Are Good Listeners
Communication is about more than just barking a bunch of orders and wondering why nobody is listening. Harmony cannot exist in a vacuum. Can you imagine trying to sing in a barbershop quartet without being able to hear the other singers? In order to create a resonating chord, you must listen to what is happening around you and find just the right place for your own vibrations.
Happy people are always looking for new perspectives as a way of informing their own. The feelings of others matter deeply to them because they know the greater good involves far more than just their own desires. Happy people have made a lifelong commitment to constantly learning, and they know the only way to do this is to be quiet and listen.
They Expect Less
It stands to reason that if you expect less, you will be satisfied with less. This mindset allows a more sustainable and unmaterialistic approach to life. Those who focus on what others should be doing for them are often disappointed more often than they are satisfied. True happiness comes from within, not from deeds or objects originating outside the self. Happy people know this, and they expect more from themselves than they do from external sources. They are more likely to accept than to demand, simply because a state of acceptance is a much healthier place to be than one of constant unmet demands.
They Don’t Judge
Nobody likes being judged. This is because the majority of judgments we make about each other are false and misinformed. Happy people understand through their own experiences that life is a perpetual learning process and everything we go through changes us in some way. With this knowledge, it just doesn’t make sense to hold a bunch of grudges. Happy people accept that we all struggle with different weaknesses, and everyone has the potential to figure things out in due time. This makes happy people better and more patient companions than those who are always judging others for their weaknesses.
The road to happiness is not an easy one to travel. It requires a sense of humble honesty which does not come naturally to everyone. Happy people are popular and successful for a reason. Anyone who smiles that much has got to be doing something right. It’s time you realized how much you have to learn from them. Happy people do not want you to be jealous. They want you to share in their joy by opening yourself up to the lessons all around you. They want to learn from you while inspiring you with their example. This is why we love happy people, and the world would probably stop turning without them. Hug your local happy person today. Let them take you by the hand and lead you toward a better life.
reblogged from www.lifehack.org
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 28, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Q:Why do you believe that having a business coach or mentor is important? How have they helped you?
Having a coach or mentor is really important because they are an independent sounding board with business experience and great wisdom. A coach is not a consultant who comes into your business and tells you what to do or does it for you. Rather, a coach spends time listening to where you’re at in your business and then initiates discussions to facilitate problem solving and strategic planning.
This concept was a little hard to get my head around at first, I couldn’t believe that I was paying a lot of money to do all the work myself. However, the ‘coaching’ technique is definitely invaluable because it is not the quick fix that many consultants who come in and out of your business in a hurry usually provide. Instead,
When I started my business I was definitely an experienced electrician but I had no real idea about running a business. Eighteen months along and working almost 90 hours a week, I employed the services of a business coach and have never looked back.
The best thing about a coach or mentor is that they keep you accountable to your vision. Often as a small business owner you can get caught working in your business and not spending enough time working on it and moving toward your business goals. Having weekly or even fortnightly meetings with a coach forces you to take a few hours out to specifically think about your business and where it’s heading.
Although taking this time out is extremely important, small business owners often say they are too busy and don’t prioritize it. This is dangerous and small business owners often don’t meet their goals because they don’t spend enough time strategically planning. This is where coaches keep you accountable and regularly challenge you on your progress.
I have also found that having a coach can stop you from learning the hard way and making big mistakes. Because I have listened to the words of wisdom of other people, it has allowed me to progress quickly without too many deterrents as a result of making wrong choices.
Joshua Nicholls is the owner of Platinum Electrical Contractors, which in just four years has experienced a growth of 790%. From it’s humble beginnings, Platinum Electrical has now grown to have over 30 employees and has been a finalist and won many small business awards.
reblogged from www.businessblueprint.com.au
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 26, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It is very common for clients walking in my office for the first time to say to me that they feel trapped and they just can\’t seem to make the changes they know they want to make. They say they want things to be different but they just don\’t see how it is possible. Perhaps, you have found yourself thinking this way as well.
The bottom line is, whether you are aware of it or not, everything you have at this moment required you to follow a series of steps. Getting what you really want is no different. So….
The real question is, on what level can you make a change now? Regardless of the goal, or even if you do not clearly know what the goal is, there is almost always a step that can be taken to start the energy moving in the desired direction. This movement of energy should not be underestimated. It is the beginning — the first steps. Below, there are five steps to get you moving when you are feeling stuck.
First Steps for Getting What You Want
Connect to what you want: Don\’t worry about the specifics. Connect to the feeling of what you want, its essence, and how it will feel for you to have it be part of your life. Become as aware as possible of this feeling.
Look for a mismatch: Look for any part of your life that is not in line with this desire. Of course, the more closely related this part of your life is to what you want, the more powerful the action will be. But, anything, and everything, is helpful.
Do it: Take action. The more stuck you feel, the less you should worry about what the action is and the more you should concern yourself with making sure you do something.
Pay attention: Pay close attention while you do it. This is key. In order to make a positive shift in your life, you want to follow the clues. These clues are found in the action itself and the feelings and thoughts connected to it. In other words, the awareness you developed in the first step, when added to an action related to your goal, will result in insights. These insights are clues that will show you the reason the goal has eluded you for so long, as well as present opportunities for change.
Work with your insights to form your next steps. As you become more and more skillful at using this process, you will see more and more possibilities where you previously saw no way out.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 24, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I have watched lots of heart-centered people struggle to get their work with their message out there because they are unable to deal with the realities of the financial side of their work. It seems that, when we care a lot, we sometimes try to prove it by making statements about how it is our love, not our pocketbook, that prompts our actions. Somewhere along the line it was as if we were sneakily given the choice of either loving our work or making a profit from it. There are many different ways we can do this; however, each is problematic. And… each can be remedied.
In order to get our messages out into the world, we need resources and skills. These resources come in all shapes and sizes — and one of those is money. Suzanne Evans says it is not that money is the most important thing — it clearly is not — but it touches everything that is important.
In my opinion, those of us who care about making a difference are, in one way or another, trying to create healing in the world. At its most basic level, healing is just the natural flow of energy, in which money is just a medium of exchange. It is a statement of perceived value. There are, of course, other ways to communicate value, but money is one of them.
If our projects do not have money, we will be unable to get them out to as large of an audience — or, at the very worst, we will be unable to continue doing our work. This makes dealing with money a central issue of importance.
My tip for those of you who struggle with money — especially when you\’re asking for money for yourself or your services — is to switch mindsets from selling to people to serving people. In other words, if you know you have something that can help others, why would you not let them know it is available to them? You might have heard this language before but have not really understood what it is about. I suggest you spend some time thinking about how you can better serve people by letting them know what you have to offer.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 21, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Someone recently sent me an email asking about what he needs to sacrifice to succeed.
\”Success,\” he wrote, \”is said to come with great sacrifice. I\’m personally trying to figure out what I can sacrifice, while identifying and pursuing specific goals. Are there identifiable sacrifices that you attribute to your success? Or, more broadly, is there a generic schema for personal sacrifice that is consistent among leaders?\”
Though it is true that life is always balanced and if you attain one thing it often comes at the sacrifice of another, the trick is not to focus on the thing you have to give up, but rather the thing you gain.
In my case, money was a sacrifice for a while – but I was happy to give up the money to be my own boss. These days it\’s social life – I\’m not in New York much because I\’m on the road a lot. Though some may perceive that I am sacrificing a lot by being away, the balance is, I get to meet so many amazing people that I otherwise would never have met. Not to mention, the work I do is so rewarding.
In both cases, I focused on where I was going without concern to what I would have to give up.
Success comes not by trying to find something you\’re willing to sacrifice, but by being inspired by the thing you\’re pursuing. When you are in pursuit, sacrifice doesn\’t feel like sacrifice…it feels like balance.
This is different from working long hours and sacrificing seeing your family or friends, for example, in hope of what will come as a result of the sacrifice. In this case, the hard work is in pursuit of a goal not yet realized. The work itself is not rewarding and the stress is high, but the rationalization is that it is all worth it for the promise (real or false) of what it will bring. What if the promise is never realized? Was it all worth it, then? This really is sacrifice. When you give up something for something that does not bring immediate joy.
There is no sacrifice when the pursuit, the journey, is as rewarding if not more rewarding than the end result. And when you can wake up in the morning and feel successful whether some end goal is realized or not…THAT is true success.
reblogged from Simon Sinek\’s inspiring website www.startwithwhy.com (more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 19, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Everything in life starts and ends with relationships. Imagine trying to build wealth without others. Imagine trying to be happy without others. Imagine trying to learn without others.
Our very existence starting from the womb has relied on our relationships to others. But there are no rule books for relationship building. We grow up learning to read and write hoping our connection skills learned on the playground are good enough to get by.
If your wealth, education, love, and even happiness is contingent on others, imagine what would happen if you upgraded the way built and engaged your relationships? Your life would change right in front of your eyes.
I believe there are 7 principles for building meaningful relationships. I’ve noticed these principles show up no matter what. I believe they are universal rules. They apply no matter what culture you’re in, where in the world you may be, or what time in history it is. They’re fundamental for life, love, and business.
The 7 principles are:
- 1. Our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationship
- 2. Focus your mindset on giving unconditionally
- 3. Serve others how they want to be served
- 4. A relationship must be give and receive (sometimes you say no)
- 5. Get on peoples maps…empathize
- 6. Always make others feel safe
- 7. Honor every behavior because it has an intended positive outcome, no exceptions
#1: Our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationship
Our experience of life on the outside is a reflection of the internal relationship we have with ourself.
If you operate from scarcity, believe people are out to screw you, and you’re not worthy of receiving, how will your relationships look?
But if you’re abundant, believe people want to help you, and you’re deserving, what will your relationships look like? Meaningful relationships are a reflection of the way we build relationships with ourselves.
This is also why I believe in bringing interpersonal work into business strategy. While the givegive methodology is a business methodology for growing sales through relationships with our clients and partners, the success of these relationships are based on our ability to develop a relationship with ourselves. The interpersonal work is as important, if not much more important than the strategy.
#2: Focus your mindset on giving unconditionally
Have you ever met someone that you felt an instant connection to? And have you ever met someone you disliked right away? What lets you know to like someone and what lets you know to dislike someone?
Every relationship happens in three layers. The first layer is what can be observed on the outside. The second is what is happening in the conscious minds of both people. And third is what is happening in the subconscious minds of both people. It’s in this mind where the subconscious is scanning 2 millions items of information every second for anything that lets them know its unsafe.
When we focus on giving unconditionally, we unconsciously align our body movements, posture, tone of voice, and the words we use with the best interests of the other person.
#3: Serve others how they want to be served
This is an upgrade from the golden rule- “do unto others as you want done unto you”. Instead, it should read, “do unto others as they want done unto them.” While serving others the way we want to be served in theory makes sense, it assumes that others experience what we want in the same way we do. This is in fact not true.
In order to build the life meaningful relationships, you have to commit to identifying what others want, and serve them how they want to be served.
#4: A relationship must be give and receive
Sometimes its really easy to focus on giving unconditionally and serving others the way they want to be served. But it can be really hard to receive.
A relationship is a two way street. With only one person giving and not receiving, it’s not a relationship. When we deny the ability for the other person to give, we deny them principle 2 and 3. Therefore, we have an obligation to receive just as much as we have an obligation to give.
#5: Get on peoples maps (empathize)
It’s easy to assume we understand what others mean when the use the same words that we do. But what their words mean might be completely different that what those same words mean to you.
For example, if someone said, “I’m going to make $150,000 this year.” You might interpret that as being a lot of money, but they may be worrying about how they’re going to pay their bills.
Each person has their own map for how they experience the world and until you can empathize with others from their viewpoint, you are not truly building a relationship (the root word “relate” being a key point).
We don’t know until we focus on learning how the other person experiences the world. This is their map. When you can learn how the other person sees the world through their beliefs about it, you can start to connect in a whole new way.
Everything in life starts and ends with relationships.
#6: Always make others feel safe
So many interactions are unsafe for others. Without safety, the other person can never truly open up and be vulnerable. Imagine trying to hang out with someone that’s afraid they’re in danger. Will they be focused on connecting? Will they present? Will they talk about things that are meaningful? Of course not, they’ll be focused on not dying.
As silly as this might sound, when we feel unsafe, we remain it fight or flight until it the perceived danger is gone. Just like keeping the engine of the car running permanently incase you need to drive away in a hot second. It’s our jobs to focus on ensuring others feel safe, so we can bring them into a place where they will open up and share the most meaningful parts of them. This is where real bonds are formed.
#7: Honor all behavior because it always has an intended positive outcome, no exceptions
This is perhaps the hardest principle to accept but is also the most important. Every single behavior, from the most joyful to the most horrendous, has an intended positive outcome.
There are two main drivers of behavior- pain and pleasure. We humans always make the best available choice at any given time between these two choices. Often, the choices are both painful so we will always take the less painful choice.
For example, why did so many men run out into walls of machine gun fire during D-day in WWII? Because while that was an extremely painful option, not running out and letting down their country or potentially being shot by their commander in the boat was far more painful. While this principle doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, it allows for you to empathize with others. If they had a better more pleasurable option, they would be making it. But when people do things that are not seen favorably, just remember it’s the best available option to them. If they had a better one, they would have taken it.
This is by far the hardest principle to accept but it’s one that is also the most empowering one of them all. If you can own this and allow it to guide your interactions, you can free yourself from outcomes due to the behavior of others.
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Keep these principles top of mind as you interact with others. Your success relies on relationships with your clients, partners, associates, and community. The more you can build and strengthen these relationships, the more abundance you will create both in dollars to your business but also in your experience of life.
reblogged from thegivegive.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 17, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Sounds pretty harsh, right? It would be nice to believe that everyone out there is interested in us like an ideal parent but they really just want to know –in this information laden world—whether they should pay attention.
However, lets turn the tables around and think about how we are to others. Are we only interested in others for what they can give us? Do we show them care and attention just because they are human or do we think of them as tools to fulfill our needs?
I am not just taking about strangers, I am talking about friends and family. If you are like most people you think more about how they can fulfill your needs or give up on your own needs to fulfill theirs. Neither of these is a good option.
Believe it or not teaching this is a foundational element of therapy. Learning to be in real relationship rather than an egocentric one is paramount to our fulfillment. Why? Because we are destined to be disappointed if we really think that the people in our lives are there to meet our needs.
Now you might be saying: This is not me. I don’t do that. But, I bet you do. All of us do sometimes. So what does this behavior look like? Here are some examples:
- Do you get angry if people do not share your opinions?
- Do you expect people to understand you without you needing to explain?
- Are you unaware of your own needs? Or, tell yourself you can’t meet them because you need to meet someone else’s?
- Do you expect those close to you to share your feelings on events in your life?
- Do you make plans without considering the other persons needs or only considering the other persons needs?
You can probably see where I am headed. The problem with this way of being is that because our expectations are unreasonable, we end up unhappy. Always being focused on getting our needs met from outside and not figuring out how to be more stable on the inside results in a loss of fulfillment as well as broken relationships.
What can you do about it? This one is not as easily solved as some problems. You really need to commit to doing some deep inner work. The kind of work I do in my LifeWork Retreats where you have the opportunity to dig deep and get guidance on how you can grow.
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