Blog Posts - Page 19 of 44

10 Questions to Help You Create Your Ideal Work-Life

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 12, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

How you answer these questions will reveal the impact your work has on you, your community, and your world.

2. As a result of my work, was anyone diminished?

3. To do my work, was anyone required to earn less than they ought to, expose themselves to negative work environments or unhealthy work conditions?

4. Through my work, are the contracts I make with others mutually respectful?

5. Is there an excessive/harmful gap between my earnings and those who help me earn them, or the reverse?

6. Does you work have a negative effect on your mind or heart?

7. Is my work perfectly aligned with who I am? Do I love what I do, am I good at it and does it fill me with a sense of meaning?

8. Does my work afford me the ability to work on other things that are important to me?

9. Do I do my work for free leaving myself uncared for?

10. Do I over or under-perform my work? Is my effort in balance?

Give yourself 1 point for every statement you responded \”no\” to: 

8-12 Knocking it out of the park!

You likely have created work for yourself that has both a positive effect on you and others! Keep honing it from here – there is always room for growth. 

4-7 Figuring it out.

Seems there might still be some work for you to do with regards to your Right Livelihood. What is one change that you might make now to head in the right direction? 

1-3 Feeling the Burn.

It\’s very likely that the way you are working right now is harming you and others. This could be affecting you more than your realize. Is it time to start making changes?

Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!

What Right Livelihood Is All About

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 7, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Right Livelihood is taken from the Buddhist teaching of the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment. The path of right livelihood means earning your living in a way that does not cause harm to yourself or others.

There is a difference between Life Purpose and Right Livelihood even though they are often understood as the same thing.

Right Livelihood has as much to do with the way you go about your work as it does the with your given profession.

The reason Right Livelihood is so important is that everything we do can either contributes to or detract from our overall wellbeing. The more conscious you are of yourself, the more you will feel the positive and negative effects of your choices.

If you want to help others in their transformation, whether through being a healer or acting as one, your work is limited or strengthened by a multitude of factors that fall under the umbrella of right livelihood.

In general, I look at spiritual concepts as information that help point the way towards riches that we most need to discover. There are many versions of Right Livelihood across religious and spiritual teachings. I make no claim to the correct ones.

Here are components of the path to Right Livelihood that I think might be useful to you as you move forward in your own pursuit.

Passion:

Start with something you love, something you feel passionate about. It’s impossible to create Right Livelihood without basing it on something that inspires your soul. We find passion by doing what we love and are excited by. It’s never too late to connect more fully with our passions.

Growth:

Allow for continual growth. You will change over time. To consistently be on your path to Right Livelihood you will need to define, refine, and redefine your knowledge of yourself to stay true to your path. If you can’t grow in connection to your work, then you might have hit a stumbling block on your path to Right Livelihood. Assess the impact that the lack of growth has on you. Sometimes it’s just a comfortable plateau. Other times, it’s a push towards something new.

Alignment:

What you do needs to be in alignment with who you are. Just because something worked in a certain way for someone else does not mean it will work for you. Your Right Livelihood depends entirely on who you are, how you are made and what you need to learn.

Harmony:

Do you feel more or less peaceful as a result of your work? Right Livelihood requires that our work creates an inner sense of wellbeing. That means that even if you do something you love, you can do it in a way that creates a lot of distress. If you take the wrong approach to your passion, you’ll wind up feeling stuck. Likewise if you do something that you do not feel good about, you may suffer a sense of restlessness that you need to attend to.

Balance:

Our work benefits from balance between our effort and our reward. Balance between our time at work and our time on other activities. When we get out of balance we lose our ability to function optimally.

Positive Impact:

It’s not Right Livelihood if it negatively effects others. I’m not talking about a bad day every once in awhile. I’m talking about the small and not-so-small negative impact that your work has on the world. Do you run a sweatshop, underpay people or dump toxic waste in the river? Or, does the organization you work for underpay people, run a sweatshop, or dump waste into the river? These are extreme examples, but more often than not our work has negative impacts on the world. Are you doing your best to make yours impact as positive as possible?

Take a moment to reflect on where you are on your path to creating Right Livelihood. What is something you can do to advance your growth in this area?

The Conscious Creative: Issue #1: Life Purpose

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 7, 2016 | Uncategorized

The Conscious Creative: Life Purpose, June 2016

5 MYTHS ABOUT LIFE PURPOSE IT’S TIME TO LET GO OF

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jun 15, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Day-in and day-out, I talk to people who want to find their life purpose.
I make a point to pay close attention to what my clients, associates and colleagues say as they describe the purpose-driven life they seek to live. As I see it, my job is not simply to respond to what I hear, but rather to figure out how I can help those around me get what they really need to feel happier, healthier and more successful.

When people talk about finding their purpose they often also talk about identifying their passion. They want to have a sense of meaning in their life. They want to make a contribution.

I go into great detail on what life purpose is REALLY all about and how to FULLY LIVE a purpose-driven life in my Morning Mindset series, LIFE PURPOSE. So, if you’re in the midst of finding your life purpose, this series is for you! Sign up here.

Myth #1 Your Life Purpose is Your Vocation

This is one of the mistaken ideas that I tackle first when I talk to someone who wants to find their life purpose. Why is this myth about life purpose so pervasive? I think it’s because we live in an increasingly work-centric society that doesn’t teach us that there is a difference between our life purpose and our work. They are, in fact, two totally distinct things.

Truth be told, it’s absolutely possible to integrate your life purpose into your work. HOWEVER, when people feel stuck and struggle to identify their purpose it’s often because they’ve come to think of their career as the place in which they’ll find their purpose. Or, it’s the reverse. In this scenario, people try to find their life purpose through the process of developing their career and meet with tremendous frustration. Either way it just does not work.

Solution #1: Ask yourself: “Am I trying to trying to figure out my life purpose or my next career move?” Allow yourself the space to see your life purpose and your career as separate things.

Myth #2 Your Life Purpose Can Only Be One Thing

Because people often conflate their career with their life purpose, they often think that their purpose is one specific thing.

As kids, when we’re asked what we want to be when we grow up, we tend to say things like: “I want to be a fireman” or “I want to be a ballerina.” As adults, when we think about life-purpose, we mistakenly hyper-focus on a single outcome the same way we did when we were young. But this is not how things really work. Instead, once you begin to feel into what a purpose-driven life might look like, a number of options often emerge and many of them will be equally satisfying.

Solution #2 Don’t try and narrow things down too soon. Ask yourself why an idea appeals to you rather than if it’s the right idea or not.

Myth #3 You Must Find Your Life Purpose Before You Start Living It

Our life purpose is intimately connected to what we love most. This means that when we start doing what we love we take our first steps along the path towards our purpose. This also means that we don’t need to wait to live a purpose-driven life. All we need to do is to determine what we love and do it as often as possible.

Solution #3 Do what you love to do. Discover more things you love to do. And make time to reflect.

Myth #4 Only a Fortunate Few Live Their Life Purpose

This is a tricky myth. On the one hand, a fortunate few actually do have a career that successfully integrates their life purpose. On the other hand, I’m not sure if these people are particularly fortunate. It can be overwhelming to tie up your livelihood so closely to your passion.

When we recognize that our life purpose is a combination of what we most care about, what we love to do, and what we value, it becomes clear that we always have the option to live our life purpose. It’s not necessary to fit our purpose into our career. Rather, it’s necessary that we fit our purpose into our lives.

Solution #4 Figure out what you care most about, what you love most to do, and what you value the most and proceed from there.

Myth #5 You Should Be Able to Figure It Out On Your Own

It seems like common sense that WE ALONE should be able to figure out our life purpose. Right? It’s ours after all.

But, sometimes we have a difficult time seeing it BECAUSE it’s so closely connected to who we are. When people come to me looking to find their life purpose, I often give them a series of exercises. I ask them to answer a set of questions and I tell them not to spend much time worrying about the answers. Instead, I prompt them to write out the first thing that comes to their mind and send me what they wrote. When I reflect back my synthesis of my clients answers, a funny thing happens. More often than not clients have an Eureka moment where they finally see what their purpose is all about.

Solution #5 Find the support you need! Sometimes you need outside eyes to see to help you see within yourself.

So, if you’ve been coming up empty as you look for your life purpose, it’s time to de-mystify your thinking and try on these solutions. Most important, though, is to start with what you LOVE.

What Is \’Life Purpose\’ Really?

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jun 9, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Life purpose is a big topic of conversation in the world of personal development. Lots of people want to live a purpose driven life, yet all too often these same people struggle to define what their purpose is and how to go about living it.

While life purpose is commonly thought of as fate or destiny, I prefer to think of it as the expression of your whole self. In other words, it\’s less important that you know it and more important that you are it.

In my Make It Happen Guide, I write, “Whatever you want or dream of you can have. It\’s already in you. You\’re the one you\’ve been waiting for.\”

People tend to make the mistake of looking for their life purpose outside themselves.This search ultimately leads to a perpetual feeling of disconnection.

The more outward you look for your purpose, the further away from it you feel. This is because your quest for it is built on the false belief that your purpose is something beyond yourself and not a natural expression of who you are.

Living your life purpose requires connecting with the deeper and truer aspect of who you are. If you\’re curious as to how to plug into your purpose, here are my best suggestions.

Pay attention to where you feel connected, excited, passionate, and positive.

These are clues to deeper truths about yourself and your life purpose. The main point here is to do more of what makes you feel good.

Let yourself think \”out of the box\” thoughts.

Sometimes we get stuck because we judge our inclinations as destructive or negative. We say to ourselves, “If I did what I wanted all the time then I would screw up what\’s important to me.” Yet, even negative thoughts or \”out of the box\” ideas can lead us in the right direction. The trick here is to act on these zaney thoughts in a way that honors your values and morals.

Honor your dreams. They are with you for a reason.

Your fantasies provide clues to your deepest desires, and following your desires can profoundly connect you to yourself and your purpose.

Your purpose is not necessarily your vocation.

Though one day you may turn your purpose into your career, to do so kind of misses the point. I suggest to think less about what work you want to do and more about what kind of impact you want to have. This will give you a better sense of how to orient your career and how to align it with your purpose.

The Muses in Your Life

by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 24, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

In Greek Mythology, the nine muses are goddesses that rule over the arts and sciences, and are said to bestow inspiration on the subject of their domain. They were considered the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, song-lyrics, and myths that were related orally for centuries in ancient cultures.

I think that the muses still have much to teach us about finding meaning and inspiration in our day-to-day lives.

So, for today’s newsletter, I’m going to introduce you to each of the nine muses and point out the place in your life they can offer their inspiration!

Calliope the Muse of Epic Poetry

Calliope can help us find inspiration to create the stories we live by. Calliope is the chief of all muses and this makes sense. How we engage with our world is determined by the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. Calliope can help you write your story, and she’ll help you find meaning in it, too.

Question to ask yourself: If I could create the story that I want to live by, what would it be?

Clio the Muse of History

Clio’s name is derived from the Greek root κλέω – meaning \”to recount,\” \”to make famous,\” or \”to celebrate.” She is known as the “proclaimer, glorifier and celebrator of history, great deeds and accomplishments.” Clio can remind us to learn from the past. Yet, she can also remind us to write the past in a way that serves our present.

Question to ask yourself: How can I remember the past in a way that reveals the fullness of my present potential?

Euterpe the Muse of Music

Euterpe is also known as “the Giver of Delight.” She reminds us to recognize the music and melody of our everyday life. Through Euterpe we see that the commonplace has a beauty and an inspiration to it.

Question to ask yourself: Are your daily rhythms inspiring or are you allowing yourself to be inspired by your daily rhythms?

Erato the Muse of Lyric Poetry

In a famous Greek hymn to the muses, it is Erato that charms the sight. Erato reminds us of how important passion and love are to an inspired and meaningful life. Many of us yearn for passion, but are reticent to weave passion and love into our lives.

Question to ask yourself: Are you letting yourself fall in love each and every day? Are you nurturing your passions?

Melpomene the Muse of Tragedy

Melpomene’s name was derived from the Greek verb melpô meaning \”to celebrate with dance and song.\” Melpomene helps us see that our pain in life opens us to our true potential and a sense of life’s deeper significance. It’s not just the happy moments that create a sense of meaning and fulfillment. Our struggles and tragedies profoundly shape how we know ourselves and what we come to value in our lives.

Question to ask yourself: Have you embraced tragedy as a necessary part of life? Are you expanding or contracting as a result of the pains you experience?

Polyhymnia the Muse of Sacred Hymns and Agriculture

Polyhymnia helps us see the deeper meaning in nature and the natural world. The truth is that the world around you is constantly communicating with you, so it might be time to open your ears and listen.

Question to ask yourself: Have I stopped to listen to what my environment is telling me?

Terpsichore the Muse of Dance

Terpsichore reminds us to dance with life – to bring flow and grace to our life experiences so that we can enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Question to ask yourself: Are you flexible in your approach to life?

Thalia the Muse of Comedy

Thalia teaches us the humor in “it all.” All wisdom contains some humor. And, for our lives to have meaning, we benefit from seeing the humor in our experience.

Question to ask yourself: Do you remember to laugh every day at the wonder and weirdness of life?

Urania the Muse of Astronomy

Urania is often associated with Universal Love and the Holy Spirit. She imparts the insight that life is bigger than we can ever understand. Yet the quest for understanding can bring us great meaning.

Question to ask yourself: What is the spiritual foundation of my life?

Are you looking for a way to help other people transform their lives and have a profound impact in the world or a pathway to strengthening your work with others?

The Master Transformational Coaching program is designed to give you individualized training and top-notch resources to help you become profoundly successful doing what you are meant to do.

To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.

If you are ready to take this next step towards your life purpose, I can\’t wait to meet you.

Find What You Love! (And Do More Of It)

by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 3, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Living your purpose is the key to your fulfillment. When you embrace your life purpose, you commit your effort to what you’re best able to do. And this has infinite positive outcomes.

Living your life purpose blossoms a sense of wellness throughout your entire life. You experience true harmony because you’re not emotionally invested in any particular outcome and so you’re better able to make lemonade when life gives you lemons.

Each and every one of us wrestles with a nagging sense of unfulfillment until we understand that it’s in our power to create our happiness and to live our passion.

For example, if I believe my actions and interactions make no impact, then I’ll have a negative perception of my life inside and outside of my workplace. Or, if I perceive myself as a victim in all circumstances ― and feel as though the world sets me up to knock me down ― I will shy away from circumstances that might prove my belief otherwise. Instead, I’ll likely create situations that prove I’m at the world’s mercy. This perspective will leave me blaming others, feeling resentful and stuck.

On the other hand, if I believe that my actions have the potential to make a positive impact, then I’ll feel more positive about my life, more excited by my choices, and – ultimately – more fulfilled and satisfied. Moreover, if I see a situation that is dangerous, negative, or hurtful, I’ll feel it’s possible for me to take action towards a positive outcome. This creates a virtuous cycle. Over time, I’ll see the net effect of my positive actions and will likely find it easier to face challenging circumstances in a positive way. This makes a profound difference in my life and the lives of others.

So, what does this cycle of positive action have to do with Life Purpose? Well, in order to move toward your life purpose, you need to feel as though what you’re doing makes a difference. Otherwise, there is no reason to bother.

Whatever it is that you feel passionately about, you can do it! In fact, you were meant to do it.

Think about yourself in the terms used by Alan Watts: “You are the perfect expression of the universe exactly where you are in this moment.” Or, as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.”

Since my work is all about helping people achieve a feeling of success and fulfillment in their lives, I’ve made a list of fundamental questions that will help you identify your life purpose! This list will give you a good sense of where to focus your energy as you take your first bold steps towards the life of your dreams.

Passion:

2. Do it often. Doing what you love makes you feel more fulfilled.

3. Remove things from your life that are mediocre, beige, flat or merely being tolerated. You only have so much time attention and energy don’t waste it on what does not matter.

Courage:

2. Know why it is important to you.

3. Because, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” F. Roosevelt

Kindness:

2. Learn to be good to yourself and do it as much as possible.

3. Go out of your way everyday to do something especially nice for a total stranger.

Gratitude:

2. Thank people for what they bring to your life.

3. Learn to find gratitude even for the things and people that are difficult.

Contemplation:

2. Keep a journal.

3. Learn to listen fully to what someone is saying. Really take it in before responding.

Forgiveness:

2. Forgive yourself.

3. Make it a practice to forgive others as quickly as possible.

Play:

2. Laugh as much as possible.

3. Remember that your life is what you dream it to be.

Need a Break From Your Everyday? Play Is The Way.

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 28, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

We all need a break sometimes. When we\’re kids, breaks are given freely during playtime and nap-time. The importance of play to psychological development has received a lot attention as we watch our kids feel the pressure to achieve more and more at a younger and younger age. This pressure, though, extends to us parents, too. By understanding the importance of ritual and play to our identity, we can better recognize when we need a break and what it should look like.

The most normal and competent child encounters what seems like insurmountable problems in living. But by playing them out, in the way he chooses, he may become able to cope with them in a step‑by‑step process. He often does so in symbolic ways that are hard for even him to understand, as he is reacting to inner processes whose origin may be buried deep in his unconscious. – Bruno Bettleheim

I think Bettleheim’s assessment is as applicable to us adults as it is to our children. As technology infiltrates our lives, it is increasingly difficult for all of us to be “on vacation” or “out of touch.” Our moments are crammed full of information and activities – from compulsively checking our smart phones to over-booking our days so we don’t have any time to decompress. The net effect is a slow but sure erosion of our lives into a never-ending to-do list. We may not even know when we need a break.

What I know is that play is a necessary component to a full and fulfilling life. In fact, ritual, play, and creativity are central to the evolution of consciousness and culture.

Ritual – whether it has it’s roots in religious, cultural, or personal expression – allows us to create a symbolic container for our experience and work towards a desired outcome. Rituals allows us to mark something that holds importance to us. It provides a means of working towards a solution or resolution to something that remains unresolved in our lives. Play, on the other hand, refers to the process rather than the outcome. At it’s best, play is a pleasurable expression of our essence and that leads us in unexpected directions.

While ritual is often associated with religion and religious practice, recent research suggests that ritual may be more rational and secular that it appears. According to an article in Scientific American, “even simple rituals can be extremely effective. Rituals performed after experiencing losses – from loved ones to lotteries – do alleviate grief, and rituals performed before high-pressure tasks – like singing in public – do in fact reduce anxiety and increase people’s confidence. What’s more, rituals appear to benefit people who claim not to believe that rituals work. Recently, a series of investigations by psychologists have revealed intriguing new results demonstrating that rituals can have a causal impact on people’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.”

At it’s core, ritual permits us time and space to contemplate and honor meaningful connections in our life, while play takes us outside the parameters of our daily lives and into a sense of timeless creativity.

Dr. Stuart Brown from the National Institute of Play defines play as a voluntary and pleasurable act that “offers a sense of engagement, takes you out of time” and whose efforts are “more important than the outcome.”

The effects of play can be profound as it allows adults and children to express parts of themselves that don’t come out in everyday activities. Further, play creates novel alternatives to otherwise ordinary situations and trains us to have fun. Play also kick-starts our creativity and prompts us to use it in the manifestation of something external to us. This process reveals what is most important to us because we tend to innovate around what we believe is most relevant. Play and ritual are both integral to our understanding of the nature of who we are. When we need a break, turning to play and ritual are a good place to start.

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What Intention Is Really All About

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 12, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

One of the main problems we run into when we create something new is that we focus on what we don\’t want to see happen, so much so that we forget to get clear about what we do want. This is true whether we’re starting a new business, a new relationship, or a new habit. Inevitably, when we pay more attention to what we don’t want we’re not able to see what we do want and how we can achieve or attain it. Intention is a big buzz word these days – from yoga classes to business journals. Let\’s break down what intention is really all about.

Intention is:

The energy we focus on a desired outcome whether it be positive or negative.
Our conscious thoughts and feelings about an outcome.
Our unconscious thoughts and feelings about an outcome.

In essence, intention is the energy we focus on a particular outcome. As you\’ve probably experienced, how we use our energy can have a huge affect on what happens in our lives! Intention is also our conscious – and often times our unconscious – thoughts and feelings about an outcome. So, what we think and feel about what we want makes a big difference in our ability to bring it into our lives.

Even when we\’ve made our intention clear, sometimes we don’t get what we\’ve set out for. Other times, we intend for one thing to happen and something entirely unexpected occurs. When your intention does not match your outcome, pay attention. It\’s these moments that give us clues that something we\’re doing might be keeping us from the results we seek.

Often times, we have lots of unconscious thoughts that oppose our conscious ones. When this happens, we\’re unaware of what we\’re doing that creates undesired outcomes. Another thing may of us do is that we spend a lot of time ruminating on our negative intentions. When we do this, we can\’t see when possibilities to get what we want present themselves. This is because we\’re so focused on what we don’t want that we fail to see an opportunity to get what we do want.

The good news is that we can change how we use our energy. Getting to know ourselves better and building some new habits can go a long way towards creating the outcomes we desire. Here are three things that you can do today to help bring your intentions into being.

Recognize Your Unconscious Opposition for What It Is

This one can be tricky. It\’s pretty clear that we\’re not aware of what we\’re not aware of (duh!). So, how do we turn this around? In this instance, personal development work is the answer. When we examine ourselves and look for our blind spots, we\’re generally able to find them. Personal development work helps us see how our thoughts, beliefs, and actions might have created the “negative intentions” that have held us back. And when we\’re aware of our blind spots, we\’re able to change our thinking so that we can begin to see the things we did not see before.

Be Patient with Yourself While You\’re Building New Habits

A funny thing happens when we start using positive intentions. We may spend a few moments of each day focused on something we want to happen. And then we spend the rest of our day in our default mode – which is the same mode that got us where we didn\’t want to be in the first place. All too often, we get frustrated and assume that our effort to bring about our intention is just not working. What we fail to remember in these moments is that it takes time to set a new default. And, it takes more time than saying an affirmation three times a day. So, be patient with yourself. Anything that focuses our energy in a positive direction is helpful, but it may take time to see the big results.

Practice Creative Thinking

Our negativity limits our thinking. It stops us from seeing what we could have or could create. And, quite frankly, when we spend time focused on what we don’t want, we have little time left over to imagine what we do want. To counteract this, take time each day to come up with creative ways to bring more of what you want into your life. What solutions haven\’t you thought of? What could you do today that would be different and exciting? The point here is to practice thinking about what you can do and what you\’d have fun doing. Creative thinking is linked to positive thinking. And when you can do both, your dreams can grow big.

Do you want to be a catalyst of change and have a profound, positive impact in the world by strengthening your own work?

The Integrative Transformational Coaching program is an exceptional training with top-notch resources for people who want to make a difference working with others one-on-one.

To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.

I can\’t wait to get started with you if you are ready to take this next step forward in your work as a practitioner.

The Key to Happiness is Radical Self-Acceptance

by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 6, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

People ask me all the time what true happiness looks and feels like. My answer is always self-acceptance. The truth is that our happiness requires our acceptance – especially of parts of ourselves we like the least.

If you don’t have much context for self-acceptance, then you might not know what it’s all about. Let me put it into some concrete terms.

When you accept yourself, you’re okay with who you are. You’re also okay with you are not. You’re always on your side – no matter what happens in your life.

Self-acceptance definitely takes some practice. We all can get carried away with thoughts that are self-shaming, self-judging or self-criticizing. When you catch yourself thinking these kinds of thoughts, I suggest that you douse yourself with self-acceptance because it really is the best antidote to feeling cut down or simply not good enough.

You can get a sense of how self-accepting you are by asking yourself the following questions:

Am I at peace with all my decisions?

Do I love myself –even my not-so-great parts?

When faced with information that supports a less than noble view of myself, can I love myself and also challenge myself to be more?

When in a disagreement, can I respect my own view while respecting the other person’s?

Do I know that no matter what I discover about myself that I’m truly good?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Self-acceptance is a continual pursuit that’s just as much about your relationship to yourself as it is about your relationship to others.

If you want to work on building your ability to accept yourself, you can start with these exercises that come from my book Real Answers.

Ask Powerful Questions:

The following prompts help you shed some light on the areas of your yourself and your life that would benefit from some self-acceptance.

Complete these statements about yourself:

• One thing I have a difficult time accepting about my life, but deep down know is true, is:

• Some of the things I feel I need to accept about my life are:

• The reason I know these things are difficult to accept is:

• I will know that I have fully accepted these things about my life when:

• This stops me from accepting these things about my life:

• I would accept these things about my life if only:

• I am afraid that if I accept these things about my life, then:

• What I need to do to accept these things about my life is:

Speak Your Truth:

One of the ways we move into a deeper level of acceptance is by speaking our truth about our lives. This reinforces our sense of our experiences and makes them more real for us.

When we acknowledge what’s real for us, we’re better able to accept what might have been difficult in our past as well as in our present.

For example, after a fight I once had with a friend I created a self-serving story that my friend was unfair and overreacted. This story, however, was really a set of judgments that kept me from accepting my friend’s perspective and healing each of our bruised feelings.

What I saw was …,

What I felt was …,

What I experienced was …

Talk to Someone Who Was There:

If someone has gone through a similar experience ― or, as is often the case with family members, the same experience ― sharing it with those who understand helps us build acceptance. This is part of the reason why group therapy works so well.

Acceptance of your personal experience radically changes the way you approach almost every aspect of your life and ultimately allows you to engage the world in a more positive, productive way.

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