Facing the Resistance: Why We Hesitate to Say Yes to Spiritual Initiation

Facing the Resistance: Why We Hesitate to Say Yes to Spiritual Initiation

Facing the Resistance: Why We Hesitate to Say Yes to Spiritual Initiation

The Quiet Resistance We Don't Talk About

When people hear about initiation—especially one tied to a spiritual lineage—they often feel a pull… and simultaneously, a push. That ambivalence is real. And if you’ve felt it, you’re not alone.

In this article, I want to explore some of the common resistances to initiation and how they can point us toward deeper truths about ourselves.

Fear of Authority, Loss of Freedom, and the Ego’s Rebellion

One of the most common reasons people resist initiation is fear—especially fear of losing autonomy or falling under the control of a hierarchy. Many of us have experienced harm at the hands of authority—family, religion, institutions—and we project that onto spiritual structures. I did too.

But here’s what I discovered: true spiritual authority doesn’t control. It liberates. A healthy lineage supports your spiritual autonomy by strengthening your alignment with truth, clarity, and your divine purpose. It challenges your ego—not your soul. And that discomfort? That friction we feel when our beliefs or assumptions are questioned? That’s actually where growth begins. Most people gravitate toward teachings that validate their ego. True teachings challenges it.

The Illusion of Novelty vs. the Power of Depth

In a world obsessed with the next new thing, tradition can seem rigid or restrictive. But real depth takes time. It takes commitment. Initiation isn’t about getting a shiny certificate or checking a box. It’s about being willing to walk a path with integrity and let that path reshape you.

There are teachings that promise everything without asking anything in return—but those often don’t lead to deep, lasting change. Initiation asks for something more of you—and gives more in return.

Initiation Is a Choice—Not a Trap

Some people fear being “locked in.” But you’re never trapped. You’re invited. You can say yes, explore, and still decide it’s not for you. Your agency is intact.

Initiation is like stepping into the first year of a university you deeply care about. It’s not kindergarten, and it’s not everything there is—but it’s a powerful, transformative beginning.

The Real Question

The real question is: are you willing to grow? Are you willing to transform—not just your circumstances, but your capacity to serve, to connect, to become?

Initiation isn’t for everyone. It’s for those who are ready to say yes to their deepest calling, even if that means facing resistance and doing the work. If that’s you, then the path is open.
To learn more about initiation: https://healingandritual.com/initiation/ or schedule a Discovery Call.

Loving and Leaving Your Inner Victim

Loving and Leaving Your Inner Victim

Loving and Leaving Your Inner Victim

What does it mean to be empowered? One of my early teachers, Alisa Starkweather, offered a definition that has stayed with me: Empowerment means knowing that you have a choice.

It’s a deceptively simple truth. But in practice, it’s revolutionary.

To be at choice is to reclaim our authorship. It means that rather than reacting automatically to the world around us, we pause, we breathe, and we choose our response. We move from unconscious patterning to conscious participation. This is the foundation of empowerment.

The Epidemic of Victimhood

We’ve all been in the grip of our inner victim at one time or another. This part of us believes that life is happening to us—that we are at the mercy of other people, external events, or inner wounds. It’s not a flaw. It’s a survival adaptation. And for many, it’s deeply familiar.

There are absolutely times in life when we are truly harmed or limited by circumstance—where choices are few or painful. But what I’m talking about here is not those moments. I’m pointing to a way of being that keeps us stuck. A habitual lens through which we see the world, where we wait for others to change before we can be free.

In this state, we say, “You are doing this to me, so I must submit—or fight.” And in doing so, we lock ourselves out of the very power that could shift the situation. The power to know that we can create the outcome that we so desire. 

The Courage to Witness Ourselves

Leaving behind the victim mindset doesn’t begin with blame or force. We don’t shame this part of ourselves into submission. In fact, that approach only deepens the wound. True healing begins with compassion.

Your inner victim, like all parts of you, holds wisdom. It reflects pain that has not yet been processed and stories that have not yet been seen through new eyes. When we meet this part with presence rather than rejection, we open the door to transformation.

Ask yourself:

  • What has this part of me been trying to protect?
  • What is it teaching me about what I need?
  • How might I honor its message while choosing a more empowered path?

Becoming the Author of Our Lives

Stepping out of victimhood doesn’t mean we bypass difficulty or pretend to be unaffected. It means we start seeing that, even in the midst of challenge, we have a say. We can choose how to interpret, how to engage, how to respond.

The practice is simple—but not always easy. First, imagine: What else is possible here? What else could be true, what other path might you take, what version of yourself could emerge?

Then: Choose. Move in the direction of what feels more whole, more loving, more true.

You may not get it perfect—and that’s not the point. Every conscious choice is a step away from powerlessness and a step toward personal sovereignty.

Empowerment as a Way of Life

Empowerment is not a fixed state; it’s a living relationship with yourself. It’s the moment-to-moment remembrance that you are not helpless. You are not broken. You are not at the mercy of the past.

You are someone who gets to choose.

And as you continue choosing—over and over again—you build the strength, clarity, and compassion to meet life as a co-creator, not a captive.

This is how we honor the victim within: not by banishing her, but by loving her enough to no longer let her lead.

 

Choice: The Sacred Foundation of All Lightwork

Choice: The Sacred Foundation of All Lightwork

Choice: The Sacred Foundation of All Lightwork

In all the years I’ve spent walking the path of healing, guiding others, and deepening my own spiritual understanding, one truth continues to rise above the rest—choice is the foundation of all lightwork.

Not preference. Not passivity. Not performance.
Choice—the conscious act of aligning with the truth of who we are and what we are here to do.

To choose is to express personal power. And without personal power, there is no spiritual authority, no integrity in action, and no true healing. Lightwork that lacks choice is not lightwork—it is spiritual theater, well-meaning perhaps, but misaligned and ultimately ineffective.

Personal power, as I often say, is not power over. It is the power to be at choice—to meet life with presence and respond from the center of our being. When we live from this place—what I call “living from the core”—our actions become an authentic expression of our spiritual essence. They have impact. They ripple outward with clarity, purpose, and healing intent.

When we forget this, we may find ourselves performing our healing work rather than inhabiting it. We may slip into obligation, into fear of being misunderstood, or into ego-based “service” that seeks to control rather than support. We begin to speak from our wounding instead of our wisdom.

But light cannot be forced. Healing cannot be imposed. Growth cannot be commanded.
Each of these must be chosen.

This is why the journey of reclaiming our inner authority is so critical. Without the ability to choose from our own alignment, we are not healers—we are reactors, entangled in the very dynamics we hope to transform. In Loving and Leaving Your Inner Victim, I wrote about how we must move beyond the victim mindset—the belief that we have no say in our lives. To be empowered, we must remember that we always, always have choice. Even in the smallest, most subtle ways.

Lightwork requires us to stand in that sacred choice again and again.

And it’s not always easy. Especially for those of us who are deeply sensitive or spiritually aware, it can be tempting to adjust our truth to meet the comfort of others. To dilute what we know in order to be accepted. But when we choose to abandon ourselves in this way, we also abandon our power.

In Letting Go of Others’ Opinions, I wrote about the discipline of choosing source over story—how I had to learn to care less about why someone projected onto me, and more about my own alignment. My job is to be a vessel, not the source of transformation itself. This knowing allows me to release control and keep choosing truth over performance.
Every time we remember that we are at choice, we reclaim our light.

When I encountered the Modern Mystery School, I was deeply challenged by what it represented.

I tend to be skeptical of institutions—especially large, spiritually hierarchical, or religious ones. I have seen too many systems use dogma to disempower. I have watched too many structures claim truth while quietly denying the voice, path, or freedom of the individual.

And yet, something in me recognized a different thread here. I was met not with coercion, but with an invitation. Not with “the one way,” but with frameworks that held space for my way. Not with blind belief, but with tools that pointed me inward, again and again, toward my own sovereignty.

What has surprised me most—and continues to quietly humble me—is how thoroughly the Modern Mystery School is built on this exact principle: choice.

You do not progress unless you choose to. You are not “saved.” You are not coerced. You are invited to step forward in full responsibility, to awaken your own light, to activate your own gifts, and to decide how far you want to go. And each step—every single one—is a choice.

This is why I continue to walk this path, with discernment, yes—but also with devotion. Because I have found that, at its most authentic core, lightwork is not about who knows the most or shines the brightest. It is about who chooses to show up, with clarity, again and again, in service to something greater.

And that? That is real power.

Breaking the Spell: Plant Medicine and the Illusion of Growth

Breaking the Spell: Plant Medicine and the Illusion of Growth

Breaking the Spell: Plant Medicine and the Illusion of Growth

For most of the last decade, I dedicated myself to the study and practice of plant medicine work. For better or worse, I am not one to do things half-heartedly—once intrigued, I pursued my studies with relentless commitment. I traveled the world, sat with a variety of facilitators, shamans, madrinhos and padrinhos, educated myself through books and resources, and applied my psychological and spiritual research skills to critically assess what I was experiencing.

 It consumed my free time. It became the pivotal organizer of my life. In time, I transitioned from participant to facilitator, assisting others on their journeys.

As I was introduced to this practice, I was taught that it was a spiritual progression path in its own right—that the leaders of various traditions had reached high levels of spiritual attainment and should be revered. I was taught that ceremonial work should be done regularly, that it was a lifelong commitment, and that the only reason a person would stop ingesting medicine was due to a lack of spiritual discipline.

Being a good student—most of the time—I followed the protocol and dove in. To give a sense of the depth of this dive, many people would have lost their minds in the sheer volume of altered experiences I pursued with discipline. Yet my pursuit was not primarily about the psychedelic experience. Instead, I sought out diverse spiritual traditions that incorporated plant medicine, focusing on the ceremonial aspect. The medicine was regarded as a sacred substance that allowed for deeper communion with and manifestation of the divine. And in some ways, it does.

My initial experiences were liberating—cathartic, transcendent, and deeply educational. As I leaned further into the work, I encountered traditions that shaped my understanding of spiritual practice. I witnessed lifetimes of trauma seemingly dissolve, replaced by a deeper spiritual connection. I fell in love with certain traditions, learning their music, dance, devotional practices, and archetypal teachings.

I was serious about my study and the life I built around it. I structured my existence around devotion. I applied spiritual principles to every aspect of my life. I abstained from alcohol and other substances. I curated my environment, avoiding anything that was not explicitly spiritual or related to medicine work. I sought guidance from experienced teachers. I used every challenge as an opportunity for growth. I lived and breathed a spiritual discipline that revolved around regular ceremonial work with plant medicine.

For some, this might seem extreme, but for me, it was born of love and respect. If this was a path for spiritual advancement, then I would walk it with dedication. I both loved the ritual devotional work I practiced and excelled at it.

When I looked toward my future, I knew I would not work with plant medicines forever. I never envisioned myself facilitating at seventy. Still, I believed I would continue until I received a clear message that my time was done. I trusted that the medicine would let me know when I was no longer in service to it. What I never considered was that the medicine itself might cease to serve me.

What ultimately happened was that I came to see the entire practice in a different light. Some of this shift was influenced by current events; some by the teachings of advanced spiritual mentors who helped me see the limitations of my approach. But mostly, it was my direct experience that changed my perspective.

I have studied healing my entire adult life—one could argue my entire life. My method has always been experiential; I test things extensively on myself before I use them with others. I seek both the strengths and the limitations of any method I practice.

I share my observations now because, in the flurry of excitement surrounding plant medicine—both in its potential for healing and its lucrative appeal—the nuances are being lost. The field is rapidly expanding, but in this expansion, we are losing sight of crucial concerns. For those who are true stewards of this work, it is essential to acknowledge the obstacles ahead.

Pollution of the Field

One of the primary reasons I stopped working with plant medicine is what I call Pollution of the Field. This concept is rooted in the idea that everything has an energetic field—each location, group, and type of work carries an energetic imprint. When you engage with something, you become entangled with its field. While this has scientific corollaries, those who work with energy can sense it directly.

The problem is that as plant medicine work becomes mainstream, its field is increasingly contaminated by unhealthy, unhelpful, or outright damaging energies. One might debate when this began—was it 500 years ago or just in the last two years? Regardless, what is clear is that the issue is worsening, not improving, and all signs indicate it will continue to deteriorate.

Plant medicine work has long faced challenges, particularly in adapting shamanic traditions from one culture into another. But these issues have intensified as the field becomes flooded with self-appointed shamans, medical institutions, and individuals with little awareness of the deeper implications of what they are engaging in. The rapid commercialization, normalization, and accessibility of these substances are compromising the integrity of the practice at an alarming rate.

At first, when I noticed this degradation, I tried to counteract it through education and strong practices. I am not against non-traditional facilitators, medical psychedelic treatments, or people seeking healing. We accept pharmaceuticals, electroshock therapy, and outright denial—so why not explore tools that may actually help? There is real suffering in the world, and I support innovation that alleviates it. I advocated for rigorous training, integration practices, and informed facilitation.

Yet despite these efforts, I have seen the effectiveness of the medicine and its ceremonies deteriorate due to careless handling. Worse, I believe we are just at the beginning of a crisis stemming from this rapid uptick in energetic pollution. Historically, when spiritual tools become distorted, the wisdom within them recedes from view, leaving behind only a hollow shadow of what once was. I believe we are moving toward that fate. And because the decline will be gradual, most will not notice until the damage is irreversible.

Distorted Spiritual Development Gains

I am a firm believer that anything in life can be a tool for growth. That said, the long-term benefits of plant medicine as a spiritual development practice are not as significant as I once believed.

One of the core teachings I received was that plant medicine is a legitimate spiritual path that should be practiced regularly. However, if this were truly the case, the long-term results should reflect the time and energy invested. Instead, what I witnessed in the most devoted practitioners—those who engaged for years—was not profound spiritual evolution but rather stagnation, illusion, and in many cases, egoic inflation.

Plant medicines grant access to higher states of consciousness, but without proper training, individuals are unable to sustain or integrate these states meaningfully. This makes medicine work particularly susceptible to spiritual bypassing, materialism, and self-delusion. Any legitimate spiritual path warns against substance use for this very reason. Advanced development requires emotional stability, a well-regulated nervous system, and a disciplined mind—qualities that are often disrupted rather than cultivated by prolonged plant medicine use.

While these medicines can serve as a catalyst—offering glimpses of the transcendent and deep self-awareness—they are not an end in themselves. Repeatedly seeking transcendent experiences without the corresponding effort to develop one’s inner faculties leads to escapism. And while plant medicines are not physically addictive, the cycle of chasing enlightenment through external substances is its own form of dependency.

Health Implications

When I began practicing medicine work, I was told about its many health benefits—it was said to be non-toxic, non-addictive, and to have positive effects on brain function, organ function, and overall well-being. While some of these claims may hold truth (and some research supports them), they do not present the full picture of frequent use. Long-term engagement can result in erratic sleep patterns, nervous system overload, poor mental focus, emotional dysregulation, and psychological dependence. As I mentioned earlier, these factors significantly hinder spiritual development, as it is difficult to cultivate higher states of consciousness when the body and mind are in a state of imbalance.

Among those I observed who engaged regularly in plant medicine work, I witnessed an increasing prevalence of nervous system issues—some experiencing paranoia, delusions, or confusion. In myself, after years of deep involvement, I realized that while I had become highly attuned to my emotions, I was also at their mercy. I could feel everything, but I had lost the ability to regulate and apply my insights effectively. I also struggled to maintain a healthy weight, consistently hovering ten pounds below what was optimal for my frame. This level of depletion is not found in a person who is truly balanced and well.

As a result of my years in this work, my perception became profoundly sensitive and powerful—but I was unable to regulate or constructively channel it due to how compromised my physical state had become. Because this deterioration happened gradually, I didn’t fully grasp its extent until I stepped away. It was only in hindsight that I saw just how depleted my system had been and for how long.

Some people may be comfortable with the physical toll of their choices—whether it’s hangovers, burnout, or other consequences—but any habit that diminishes a person’s vitality will inevitably limit both personal and spiritual growth. Of course, the effects of plant medicine vary from person to person, but frequent users should be mindful of how these substances impact their overall well-being and factor that into an honest discussion about both benefits and costs.

As I examined the effects more closely, I noticed a striking pattern—every advanced practitioner in the field appeared energetically compromised. It was as if they had spent years sculpting their biceps while neglecting their calves. In the realm of medicine work, their strength was evident, yet when viewed as whole spiritual beings in energetic integrity, they were profoundly underdeveloped.

The more closely I examined my own energetic body and development, the more I recognized the limitations—and even the damage—caused by my chosen approach. While I was immersed in the work, I was blind to this reality, clinging to my deeply ingrained belief that I was engaged in something wholly positive. Since leaving, I have watched many others in the field decline, both energetically and physically, while simultaneously rationalizing or dismissing the signs of deterioration.

Health Implications

When I began practicing medicine work, I was told about its many health benefits—it was said to be non-toxic, non-addictive, and to have positive effects on brain function, organ function, and overall well-being. While some of these claims may hold truth (and some research supports them), they do not present the full picture of frequent use. Long-term engagement can result in erratic sleep patterns, nervous system overload, poor mental focus, emotional dysregulation, and psychological dependence. As I mentioned earlier, these factors significantly hinder spiritual development, as it is difficult to cultivate higher states of consciousness when the body and mind are in a state of imbalance.

Among those I observed who engaged regularly in plant medicine work, I witnessed an increasing prevalence of nervous system issues—some experiencing paranoia, delusions, or confusion. In myself, after years of deep involvement, I realized that while I had become highly attuned to my emotions, I was also at their mercy. I could feel everything, but I had lost the ability to regulate and apply my insights effectively. I also struggled to maintain a healthy weight, consistently hovering ten pounds below what was optimal for my frame. This level of depletion is not found in a person who is truly balanced and well.

As a result of my years in this work, my perception became profoundly sensitive and powerful—but I was unable to regulate or constructively channel it due to how compromised my physical state had become. Because this deterioration happened gradually, I didn’t fully grasp its extent until I stepped away. It was only in hindsight that I saw just how depleted my system had been and for how long.

Some people may be comfortable with the physical toll of their choices—whether it’s hangovers, burnout, or other consequences—but any habit that diminishes a person’s vitality will inevitably limit both personal and spiritual growth. Of course, the effects of plant medicine vary from person to person, but frequent users should be mindful of how these substances impact their overall well-being and factor that into an honest discussion about both benefits and costs.

As I examined the effects more closely, I noticed a striking pattern—every advanced practitioner in the field appeared energetically compromised. It was as if they had spent years sculpting their biceps while neglecting their calves. In the realm of medicine work, their strength was evident, yet when viewed as whole spiritual beings in energetic integrity, they were profoundly underdeveloped.

The more closely I examined my own energetic body and development, the more I recognized the limitations—and even the damage—caused by my chosen approach. While I was immersed in the work, I was blind to this reality, clinging to my deeply ingrained belief that I was engaged in something wholly positive. Since leaving, I have watched many others in the field decline, both energetically and physically, while simultaneously rationalizing or dismissing the signs of deterioration.

Closing Thoughts

As I became increasingly aware of these issues, I did my best to maintain neutrality while observing the field. I loved the work. I loved the community I had built. I saw people change and heal, and I know that good came from what we did. But I also saw that there was not enough scrutiny of the costs.

Ultimately, my decision to step away from plant medicine work was guided by three primary concerns: energetic toxicity, spiritual stagnation, and health consequences. I share this because my realizations run counter to the dominant narratives within these communities. I hope my perspective invites deeper inquiry, greater discernment, and a willingness to ask the hard questions.

As this practice rapidly expands—often with a certain naïve optimism—I believe it is essential to take a critical look. Let’s be willing to ask the hard questions. What exactly are we opening ourselves up to? If these medicines inherently lead to healing or enlightenment, wouldn’t we be much further along as a society after their resurgence in the ’60s? If set and setting are so crucial, how can we responsibly engage in this work without a deeper understanding of the broader energetic field we are stepping into? We are currently assessing the short-term benefits of one to three ceremonies for individuals struggling with mental health issues, but what are the long-term effects on those who turn to this as their primary spiritual tool?

At this point, I am clear: for the vast majority of people experimenting with plant medicines, regular and frequent use is not in their best interest. The problems within the field are being overlooked or outright dismissed—especially by the nouveau spiritual communities that have embraced these practices uncritically. I believe that those who are truly committed to spiritual advancement should be mindful of their engagement with these substances and, in most cases, limit their use.

As for me, my time with these medicines is complete. I am deeply grateful for all I have learned. I will continue to advocate for best practices and greater awareness. But unlike what I was once taught, I now see the limitations of this path and recognize that I have exhausted its benefits. Not because I stopped growing—but because I did not.

For me, my time with these medicines is complete. Not because I stopped growing as is the dogma of the field, but because I did not.

 

The Role of Initiation and Teachers on the Spiritual Path

The Role of Initiation and Teachers on the Spiritual Path

The Role of Initiation and Teachers on the Spiritual Path

Wisdom is knowing when to seek support—not because you’re lost, but because you intend to go as far as possible.

While personal practices and private insights are powerful, there comes a time when inner work must be met with initiation, a spiritual teacher, and a living lineage. These guideposts help us move beyond our blind spots and lead us into deeper levels of spiritual growth and transformation.

Why Teachers Are Essential on a Living Spiritual Path

A true spiritual teacher is not someone who simply validates your current beliefs or strokes your spiritualized ego. A real teacher is a mirror—one that reflects both your radiance and the places within you that still need light. The right teacher will:

  • Challenge your assumptions
  • Hold you accountable to your deeper truth
  • Invite you into greater alignment
  • Walk with you, but never walk for you

If your teacher only ever praises you or makes you feel like you’re more evolved than others, you may not be growing—you may be spiritually bypassing or stagnating.

In my own journey, I’ve learned that discomfort on the path isn’t always a sign to turn away. Sometimes, what feels challenging is actually what’s most needed. There is a difference between true misalignment and the stretching that happens when we’re being invited to grow. I’ve come to respect the value of discernment—not as a way to avoid challenge, but as a way to stay rooted in what is real and resonant while still allowing myself to be called forward.

That willingness to be stretched is essential on a true path of transformation.

What Spiritual Initiation Really Offers

Spiritual initiation is a threshold—a moment when the soul agrees to walk a deeper path. This can happen through ritual, lineage-based energy work, or even life-shifting events that transform your understanding forever.

Unlike casual spirituality or trend-driven practices, initiation is not about collecting more tools or seeking the next high. It’s about choosing to walk with spiritual integrity, in relationship with a tradition and in alignment with something larger than yourself.

Initiation offers:

  • A map for spiritual territory you haven’t yet explored
  • Structure that supports your evolution
  • A lineage of wisdom to hold and guide you
  • Mirrors in the form of teachers, rituals, and community that reflect your growth

It’s not necessarily about answers—it’s about developing the capacity to stay in inquiry, to keep asking better questions, and to walk with presence even in uncertainty.

How to Recognize a Living Spiritual Path

It’s important to ask the right questions as you discern what path you’re on or whether you are actually even on one. A living spiritual path is one that deepens your presence in life—not one that leads you away from it.

Consider asking:

  • Does this path lead me deeper into embodied life—or does it disconnect me from it?
  • Do I trust this teacher to see what I cannot yet see in myself?
  • Can I witness real transformation in others who have walked this path before me?

If you can answer yes, you may be walking a living path—one that supports both expansion and integration. If not, it may be time to reassess whether you’ve unintentionally chosen a spiritual identity or a spiritual result over spiritual growth.

Initiation Is a Call to Alignment, Not Certainty

Initiation doesn’t hand you tidy answers. It brings you into sacred alignment—with your purpose, your power, and your highest knowing. The real gift is not the knowledge—it’s capacity.

You begin to trust yourself not because you know everything, but because you know how to listen.

You stop seeking quick answers, and instead develop the strength to hold complexity.
You stop striving to transcend your humanity, and begin to embody your divinity.

That is the power of walking a true spiritual path—not to escape life, but to meet it with deeper truth and more unwavering love.