by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 5, 2014 | Uncategorized
As we grow older and have less time left, there may be a tendency to ask, “What impact have I had?” “What have I contributed to others and future generations?” “What is my legacy?”
Most theorists agree that adult development is ongoing. As we age, a major task is to move beyond concerns of the self and acquire wisdom in order to contribute to others and future generations. In my dissertation research, I asked creative older adults I interviewed, “How important is it for you to leave a legacy or contribute to future generations?” (Robertson, 2005). Surprisingly, many of the participants I interviewed were not concerned with leaving a legacy—even though, in my mind, they would leave bodies of work and had already contributed to present and future generations. Some talked about what they would pass on to children and grandchildren, but most indicated that their time was “now” and they did not expect to be “remembered” for more than one or two generations.
In the book Live Your Legacy Now! Ten Simple Steps to Find Your Passion and Change the World, Barbara Greenspan Shaiman (2009) tells about the “inheritance” she received from her family, how she was inspired to create her legacy, and practical advice for people who want to make the world a better place. She explains that a legacy goes beyond the common conception of leaving a bequest, or funding a hospital wing or university building to preserve one’s memory in the future; it is sharing your “humanity” and is a gift to the present and the future.
Recently, my husband, John and I have been blessed to get to know Barbara. She has become a dear “new” friend—an experience that somehow feels “extra special” as you grow older. We were thrilled when she invited us to attend the 2014 Women’s Achievement Awards, presented by KYW Newsradio 1060, and held on June 25, 2014 at the National Museum of American Jewish History in Philadelphia, PA. Barbara and four other women from the Philadelphia area were honored for their outstanding achievements.
Barbara’s award was for the legacy she has established and how she helps others to do the same through Embrace your Legacy, which offers programs to create “cultures of caring” for a variety of audiences. Barbara’s approach to creating a legacy is that it does not have to be just for the future—it can be lived now, which is what the title of her book suggests. In addition, creating a legacy does not have to wait until one is an adult. Through Champions of Caring, a non-profit organization Barbara founded in 1995, she developed a program that has empowered more than 10,000 youths in Philadelphia and South Africa to make the world a better place by becoming engaged citizens and leaders of social change.
What makes Live Your Legacy Now so powerful is that the first part of the book tells Barbara’s story of how she became involved with building her legacy and helping others to do the same. Stories can be powerful motivators; if we examine our lives, most of us are able to discuss our heritage and identify events that have shaped who we are. Barbara’s parents—her mother, Carola Iserowshi Greenspan, and her father, Henry Greenspan, were Holocaust survivors. Barbara tells how her parents’ survival, a journey she took with her family and other Holocaust survivors to visit Auschwitz in 1989, and a brief meeting with Steven Spielberg spurred her to create her legacy.
For those who might think, “I have no idea what my legacy could be,” and “I don’t know famous, powerful people who could help me even if I did,” Barbara’s book provides a process to find out and offers very practical advice. She gives step-by-step suggestions of how one can explore their past and identify present values, skills and passions to create a vision for the future that will make the world a better place. Live Your Legacy Now is a reassuring book for those who find the idea of creating a legacy a bit intimidating or grandiose because it helps one to live “on purpose.”
The subject of living your legacy exemplifies key principles of existential-humanistic psychology. A major challenge for individuals and cultures is how to live as fully as we can, despite individual trials and unbelievable horror we may confront. Certainly, the Holocaust is an example of such a horror. Lest we forget, Holocaust museums are stark reminders of how human beings can lose their humanity. In the face of such inhumanity, people such as Barbara’s parents and Viktor Frankl survived, created legacies, and made the world a better place. Frankl was a Holocaust survivor and founder of logotherapy, which stresses the importance of finding (or creating) meaning for existence. He strongly believed in the importance of freedom coupled with responsibility.
While not everyone will have experiences as horrific as the Holocaust, most people can identify problems they would like to address and causes about which they feel passionate. The thoughts expressed in Live Your Legacy Now are very consistent with existential-humanistic psychology, and the tagline of this website: “It matters that people have a way of looking at their lives that lets them ask the big questions and determine how they want to live.” Examining who we are and what we want to contribute “is vital to the transformation of our despairing and violent world.” Creating and living a legacy is a way to break “new ground to humanize the world around us.” What is your legacy? Or, even more important, what is the legacy you choose to live right now?
reblogged from the Saybrook University blog.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 3, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
So, I spent some time last week up at Star and Snake, an artist retreat in NH that my sister is developing . I periodically need time to get away and reflect on events of my life and my desires for the future. It is part of how I stay on my A game for my clients and of course it is essential to my own well-being.
I noticed something while I was holed away in this beautiful environment with a fire roaring and torrential rain coming down. I noticed that there were some areas of mental hygiene that needed to be addressed. I am not sure to say whether I was surprised by this or not but I can say that I was pleased. I was pleased because as soon as I saw it I new right away what needed to shift. That is what I will be writing about today.
Before leaving for my retreat, a client mentioned that she had started listening to Abraham Hicks and that she was finding the messages to be helpful. This was the second client to say this to me in a short amount of time so upon arriving at my retreat , I downloaded some of their work to see why this was coming to me at this time.
In doing some editing on my upcoming book Apathy is Noxious, I reread a chapter in which I talked about determination. Specifically, I talked about my determination as a child. I said that staying focused and moving towards my goal was what was most significant and the outcome was actually never doubted.
Unwavering focus is definitely a key ingredient to creating what we want. For those of you familiar with Abraham Hicks you know that they are a big proponent of focusing on what you desire.
With these two pieces of information up front in my mind, I began to look back over the events of the last month or so. Was I focused on what I wanted?
I consider myself pretty skilled at holding positive intent, seeing possibility, and seeing opportunities. I make regular time to get clear on what I want from each day, week and year. AND, I saw some room for improvement.
What a gift to have this time and to have these nudges to get refocused in a way that serves me!
So, here is what I saw: There were a couple key areas where I was off my game. I had started to focus on problems rather than solutions. So, I did a little writing and got refocused on what I really wanted to create rather than the problems that distracted me.
That is my suggestion this week: What are the problems that you are paying too much attention to? Can you refocus on what you WANT instead of focusing on the problems themselves?
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 31, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
First the definition:
\”The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.\”
Now the word:
Grit.
The definition of grit almost perfectly describes qualities every successful person possesses, because mental toughness builds the foundations for long-term success.
For example, successful people are great at delaying gratification. Successful people are great at withstanding temptation. Successful people area great at overcoming fear in order to do what they need to do. (Of course that doesn\’t mean they aren\’t scared–that does mean they\’re brave. Big difference.) Successful people don\’t just prioritize, they consistently keep doing what they have decided is most important.
All those qualities require mental strength and toughness–so it\’s no coincidence those are some of the qualities of remarkably successful people.
Here are ways you can become mentally stronger–and as a result more successful:
1. Always act as if you are in total control.
There\’s a quote often credited to Ignatius: \”Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.\” (Cool quote.)
The same premise applies to luck. Many people feel luck has a lot to do with success or failure. If they succeed, luck favored them and if they fail luck was against them.
Most successful people do feel good luck played some role in their success. But they don\’t wait for good luck… or worry about bad luck… they act as if success or failure is totally within their control. If they succeed, they caused it. If they fail, they caused it.
By not wasting mental energy worrying about what might happen to you, you can put all your effort into making things happen. (And then if you get lucky… hey, you\’re even better off.)
You can\’t control luck, but you can definitely control you.
2. Put aside things you have no ability to impact.
Mental strength is like muscle strength–no one has an unlimited supply. So why waste your power on things you can\’t control?
For some people it\’s politics. For others it\’s family. For others it\’s global warming. Whatever it is, you care… and you want others to care.
Fine. Do what you can do: Vote. Lend a listening ear. Recycle and reduce your carbon footprint. Do what you can do. Be your own change–but don\’t try to make everyone else change.
3. See the past as valuable training… and nothing more.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your perspective. When something bad happens to you, see it as an opportunity to learn something you didn\’t know. When another person makes a mistake, don\’t just learn from it–see it as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn\’t define you. Think about what went wrong but only in terms of how you will make sure that next time you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
4. Celebrate the success of others.
Many people–I guarantee you know at least a few–see success as a zero-sum game: there\’s only so much to go around. When someone else shines they think that diminishes the light from their stars.
Resentment sucks up a massive amount of mental energy–energy better applied elsewhere.
When a friend does something awesome, that doesn\’t preclude you from doing something awesome. In fact where success is concerned birds of a feather tend to flock together–so draw your unsuccessful friends even closer.
Don\’t resent awesomeness. Create and celebrate awesomeness, wherever you find it, and in time you\’ll find even more of it in yourself.
5. Never allow yourself to whine. (Or complain. Or criticize.)
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems always makes you feel worse, not better.
So if something is wrong don\’t waste time complaining. Put that mental energy into making the situation better. (Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you\’ll have to make it better.)
So why waste time? Fix it now. Don\’t talk about what\’s wrong. Talk about how you\’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don\’t just serve as a shoulder they can cry on. Friends don\’t let friends whine; friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Focus only on impressing yourself.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all \”things.\” People may like your things–but that doesn\’t mean they like you.
(Sure, superficially they might seem to like you, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship not based on substance is not a real relationship.)
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you\’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
And you\’ll have a lot more mental energy to spend on the people who really do matter in your life.
7. Count your blessings.
Take a second every night before you turn out the light and in that moment, quit worrying about what you don\’t have. Quit worrying about what others have that you don\’t.
Think about what you do have. You have a lot to be thankful for. Feels pretty good, doesn\’t it?
Feeling better about yourself is the best way to recharge your mental batteries of all.
Reblogged from Inc.com.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 29, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I consider myself really lucky to have worked and studied with some truly great people. One of those people is Lin Morel. I can’t even tell you how many times she has saved my butt or gotten me back on track when I needed it with her innate wisdom.
One of the things that Lin has helped me with is learning how to trust my intuition even more. This has been a lifelong process for me. I rely on it so heavily in all that I do and yet I still sometimes find myself overriding it with my head. So, this week has been about hearing it and taking immediate action. I highly suggest this. One week might change your life!
We all have a little voice inside that tells us what we should do. And, if you are like most people you have also wondered whether that voice should be listened to or whether it is actually just fear, doubt, escapism or fantasy. (If you are new to the little voice inside it might help you to know that this “voice” can be a feeling, words, or even colors and tastes.) When we develop our ability to listen to this inner voice we gain a lot of power to navigate our way through the world. So, how can we develop it?
First let’s start to look at some things that people mistake for their inner voice:
Fear and Doubt: Fear and doubt are sneaky and they quickly jump in the way of our highest and best self and potential. They tell us that it was all a mistake. Or, that this could not really be the right way. Or, sometimes they just shut us down completely.
Escapism and Fantasy: These two feel good but they keep us looking for something other than what we have. They are usually used to avoid the hard work that we might need to do.
Now let’s look at what might help us hear that inner voice more:
When it is good it is simple and clear: A client and brilliant yoga instructor and therapist, Grace Dulude said on the phone with me today “You go in the direction of the energy.” If it is intensely fearful or intensely good that is where you want to go. Why? Because, the energy is drawing you to the next step.
Ok! Well, I think you might have a clue of how challenging that can be at times. Especially when we are feeling intense negative emotions like fear or anger but give it a try. You will find that you inner guidance is a powerful GPS for your success and fulfillment.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 27, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What does it mean to be on your path? What does it mean to have a sense of deep purpose? A person who is connected to their life\’s intentions does not do good because of sheer willpower. They do it through a combination of humility and faith connected to something beyond just themselves … they hitch their wagon to a higher meaning, which is a power more powerful than self-will.
Such a person is at ease with the essential goodness of life in spite of in the tumult of daily life, with all it\’s burdens and setbacks, because they have connected the spark of goodness in themselves with the universal goodness inherent in every atom or creation.
Such people become a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela or a Rosa Parks or YOU. This is the soil on which greatness gives birth.
reblogged from quora.com
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