by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 15, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When I first left my parents’ small farm at eighteen to move to “the city” for college, I was part terrified, part excited, and completely outside my comfort zone. As I found then, and have countless times in the years since, no worthwhile aspiration can be accomplished from within our comfort zone. Only in giving up the security of the known can we create new opportunity, build capability, and grow influence. As we do, we expand the perimeter of our ‘Courage Zone’ and our confidence to take on bigger challenges in the future.
It’s a lesson that was reinforced in my interviews with accomplished leaders across a diverse range of fields while researching my latest book Stop Playing Safe. While each had forged their own path to success – either up an organizational ladder or as an entrepreneur – the common thread of wisdom they all shared was that in todays competitive and fast changing workplace, we can never hope to achieve success unless we’re willing to embrace change and risk the discomfort of failure. In short, we must be willing to get comfortable with the discomfort involved with taking risks.
One of those leaders was Lori Garver, who worked her way up in the male-dominated aerospace industry from an administrative assistant role to the Deputy Director of NASA. Like so many other successful people, Lori has always been driven more by what inspires her than what scares her. She’s always been willing to challenge assumptions, and push the boundaries of possibility. She’s never let her fear of not having what it takes keep her from stepping beyond the confines of her comfort zone and expanding her confidence to take risks, try new things, speak up and act with the courage that has been a hallmark of her leadership at NASA. While it’s easy to assume that Lori is covered with psychological Teflon, the reality is that along her road to success, she experienced numerous setbacks, along with her fair share of criticism. She just hasn’t let her fear of it hold her back.
Throughout our careers we must continually assess whether we are letting our fear of failure or losing face keep us from taking the actions, and engaging in the conversations, that will move us forward and make the impact we want. Again and again, we have to decide:
Do I keep doing what’s always been done, or challenge old assumptions ad try new approaches to problems?
Do I proactively seek new challenges or just manage those I already have?
Do I risk being exposed and vulnerable, or act to protect my pride and patch of power?
Do I ask for what I really want, or just for what I think others want to give me?
Do I ‘toot my horn’ to ensure others know what I’m capable of, or just hope my efforts will be noticed?
Do I speak my mind or bite my lip, lest I ruffle feathers or subject myself to criticism?
Of course, being willing to take a risk doesn’t mean everything you try will work out. But as every successful person will tell you, it’s only by being willing to make mistakes and try something new that you can ever accomplish more than what’s been done before. As John F. Kennedy once said, “Nothing worthwhile has ever been accomplished with a guarantee of success.” Nothing ever will be.
Too often we let our mistakes and setbacks define us. Yet, as Dr Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology once said, “It’s not our failures that determine our future success, but how we explain them to ourselves.” Likewise, if you knew that no matter what happened, you could handle it, what actions would you take that you aren’t taking now? What conversations would you engage in that you’ve been putting off? Where would you step out onto center stage more fully and boldly in your own life – and in doing so, open up the possibility for new opportunities, new relationships, new alliances, new ideas to take bloom?
Cast your mind ahead ten years from now and think about the life you want to be living then. What do you want to be doing? With whom? Who do you want to have become in the process?
Ten years from now there will be people who have achieved extraordinary success. While we don’t know who they will be, one thing is sure – they won’t be people who have stayed inside their comfort zone. Rather, they will be people who have continued to stretch themselves, even when things are going smoothly, and who have been willing to risk failure or looking foolish, knowing that the biggest risk they take is not taking any risks at all. The question is – will you be one of them?!
In our ever more cautious and competitive world, there is little security in playing safe. Being willing to give up the familiarity of the known and embrace the discomfort that comes from being outside your comfort zone is increasingly crucial to your success in work and life.
Margie Warrell is an executive coach, keynote speaker and the bestselling author of Stop Playing Safe (Wiley) and Find Your Courage (McGraw-Hill). More information at www.margiewarrell.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 12, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
1. Get Moving: Exercise has been proven to elevate mood.
2. Talk to someone: When things go wrong, people tend to isolate. Telling someone about your difficulties provides you with connection which is ultimately healing.
However, do not dwell too long in the negative. Excessively repeating a negative story can actually prolong a bad mood and make it difficult to move forward.
3. Reframe the situation: There is usually something positive to be gleaned even from the worst of situation. Can you find the silver lining? Learning to reframe situations is a powerful coping strategy used by successful and confident people.
4. Plan your future steps: Things might not be good now but they do not need to stay that way. What are ways that you can build a better tomorrow? Imagine yourself doing these things. The imagination plays a powerful role in shaping our lives and our feelings about yourself.
5. Take an inventory of what IS working: Even if a lot has gone wrong chances are there are a few things that are still right. What are the things that are the things you can be grateful for? Write a list of everything you are grateful for each day. Read it again in the morning when you wake up.
6. Positive self-talk: When we continually repeat statements such as, \”It will never work out.\” or \”I am such a failure.\” These beliefs are the reality that we live with. Make a list of your negative beliefs and write a second list of positive –yet believable– beliefs. Try replacing your negative beliefs with your positive beliefs as you go about your day.
7. Give yourself specific times to worry: A cognitive-behavioral technique is to quarantine the time that you give to your negative mood. For example, for 30 minutes each day I will ruminate about what has gone wrong. After that, I will stop and focus on other things.
8. Throw a fit: Is it so bad that you can\’t imagine trying to find the good in it all. Take a few moments to jump up and down, scream, or hit something. Of course keep yours and other peoples safety in mind when you are doing this. You might feel a bit silly at first but you will feel much better as a result of giving yourself this time.
9. Focus on something else: If you find yourself dwelling in the negative, start distracting yourself. While it is important to feel your feelings, being stuck in negativity is not good for you. Find something else to occupy your attention and give yourself a break.
10. Do something you are good at: Mastery provides us will feeling of confidence, competence, and well-being. When you have experienced a set back, doing something you feel good helps you feel better.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 9, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Ever had that experience, where you are in a group of people, possibly those you consider as friends and join in the conversation, only to find someone changes the subject or talks over you?
Ever had the experience of instinctively knowing a plan, solution or process that would enhance your business, team or company only to find your suggestions/comments ignored?
Ever had the experiences of being told what to think, do or say?
How often have you had that feeling inside that the ‘Super Hero’ in you was trying to burst out? Maybe it was that feeling, deep down, of the freedom to spread your wings, expressing your individuality on seeing or hearing your favorite singer/actor/artist perform?
Then you come back from your lunchtime daydream or wake up at the start of yet another work day…into your current reality of invisibility. The frustration of knowing you are capable of so much more than your current life holds, yet having no idea of how to change it or how to become visible to the world, can be overwhelming.
I know…been there…done that!
It took me decades of being invisible to finally find how to make the changes and the secret key turned out to be inside me all the time. After spending years and years suffering other people’s insults, abuse, derision and control, I had the biggest challenge in accepting to myself I created all those experiences and I was the one keeping myself invisible!
Let me explain what happens energetically and scientifically, to make it so you create your own experiences and invisibility cloaks, as each of these are examples of allowing yourself to be invisible. Yes, I did say allowing, let me explain the science behind this:
You project out the holographic perception of your beliefs, which energetically transmute into experiences and opportunities. This is a scientifically verified FACT.
Your cells take their signal from your beliefs, this triggers electrical impulses to the Frontal Lobe in the brain, from there to the Thalamus, your processing center and where the by product of thought is created. From here signals will go to the Occipital Lobe, your visual center and your Peritoneal Lobe , it is this that is the crucial part of the process. The peritoneal lobe projects the holographic perception of your reality…from the power of your belief.
Therefore your external experiences are a reflection of your point of belief. Getting the picture?
OK, so why do you do this? Where does it begin?
When you hold low self worth, don’t value yourself or find it hard to love who you are; this is what you project into the external world. This through the transmutation of energy create your external experiences. So you really do allow situations to happen.
More often than not, the low self worth is also a reflection of you feeling invisible to yourself. When you are invisible to yourself , you mirror this in your external world and become invisible to others.
Are you getting a sense of how you create this now?
Through my own work with clients, working back on where the feelings of being invisible come from, can more often then not, be traced through generations.
Negative emotional memories are passed from mother to child at cellular level.
We hold these in and around the cells, which is the reason why, even with the best will in the world to be positive, it only takes a small, negative incident to move you back into feeling negative, as it is still held at cellular level and until you accept and acknowledge this, only then can it be energetically released.
It is crucially important to begin understanding the power you hold inside and how this dictates your external world. Once you can accept this, you then have the ability to clear out the internal baggage and begin consciously creating your external world through changing your beliefs.
This process begins through observance, contemplation and meditation.
This can start with simply getting out in nature and allowing yourself to be still to get ‘tuned in’. Nature is naturally abundant and will always help in the energetic process.
Other than this, begin the regular practice of me time, time to go into contemplation and meditation; this time will allow you to identify where your low self worth, the invisibility comes from.
To be ‘seen’ in your external experiences you have to first be visible to yourself and this takes finding the strength in your vulnerability to admit and acknowledge your fears and release them.
reblogged from http://consciouslifenews.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 5, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The power of positive thinking.
How many times have you heard that phrase thrown around? It’s so much a part of our vernacular now that it’s almost become meaningless. We’d all agree that thinking positively is a good thing. Especially when we’re feeling positive. When you’re feeling good, how much trouble is it to think, “Hey, I like me. My life is cool. Things are going great.”
But what about when things are crappy? What about those days when you’re so stressed the veins pop out of your forehead? When you hate your job — or you’ve lost it? What about those days when you are sucker-punched by a series of unfortunate events that makes the life of Job look like a garden party?
I’ve met people who remain perky during really bad times. And to be honest, they make me want to slap them around a bit. That Pollyanna, “life is still beautiful” attitude when things are falling apart just yanks my chain. However, I’ve come to learn that these people know something I don’t.
Here’s the secret that’s not really a secret. It’s revolutionary, exciting science.
Positive thinking really does change your brain. Not in some magical, woo woo kind of way, but in a real physical way.
The science is called neuroplasticity. It means that our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains. The idea was first introduced by William James in 1890, but it was soundly rejected by scientists who uniformly believed the brain is rigidly mapped out, with certain parts of the brain controlling certain functions. If that part is dead or damaged, the function is altered or lost. Well, it appears they were wrong.
Neuroplasticity now enjoys wide acceptance as scientists are proving the brain is endlessly adaptable and dynamic.
It has the power to change its own structure, even for those with the severe neurological afflictions. People with problems like strokes, cerebral palsy, and mental illness can train other areas of their brains through repetitive mental and physical activities. It is completely life-altering.
So what does this have to do with positive thinking and with you?
It means that repetitive positive thought and positive activity can rewire your brain and strengthen brain areas that stimulate positive feelings.
In \”The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science\”, Norman Doidge M.D. states plainly that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself and/or form new neural pathways — if we do the work. Just like exercise, the work requires repetition and activity to reinforce new learning.
Here are some actions you can take to change your own brain during the bad times.
Fear of failure.
Everyone fears doing something new because we don’t wait to fail. The truth is, we can do most anything if we take action, stop negative thinking, and shift our perceptions of the truth about our abilities.
Action steps: Force yourself to stop thinking about reasons you can’t do something, even if you don’t feel brave or capable. Every time a negative thought creeps in, retrain your brain to think a positive thought about your abilities instead. Then take small actions every day toward achieving your goal or desired change. Nike’s slogan, “Just do it,” has real validity.
Over-thinking/Worrying
Have you ever found yourself trapped in obsessive over-thinking about a problem or in a state of anxiety or worry that lasts for days or even weeks? It drains your energy, affects your sleep, and spirals your mood and outlook on life. Focusing on your problem only strengthens the worry function in your brain.
Action steps: When you find yourself in that cycle of worry or compulsive thinking, remember the three R’s — rename, re-frame, and redirect. When the worry begins, mentally yell “Stop!” Rename the issue by reminding yourself that worry isn’t real. Rename it as a compulsive reaction, not reality. Re-frame your thinking by focusing on positive or distracting thoughts, even if you still feel anxious. Force yourself to think different thoughts. Redirect your actions. Go do something uplifting, fun or mentally engaging. The key is following these steps repeatedly, every time you worry obsessively, to break the pattern and rewire your brain.
Mood Disorders/Phobias
Sometimes we might feel blue or out-of-sorts, and it’s just a temporary fog that settles in and lifts after a few days. Some mood disorders, like depression or serious anxieties that morph into phobias, can be debilitating and unrelenting. Psychologists and therapists have used treatments based on neuroplasticity to get to the cognitive root of these disorders and put a patient’s life back on track.
Action steps: A serious mood disorder or phobia requires the help of a trained counselor. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that helps people learn how to identify and change destructive thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior and feelings. If you suffer from severe anxiety or depression, you need someone skilled to help you get to the root of these thoughts and to show you how to change them. Ask them about CBT.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 3, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Here is the last of my \”Dirty Little Success Secrets\”! Thanks to the many who wrote me personally to say that you enjoyed these posts. I always love hearing your feedback!
Dirty Little Success Secret #6 – No Such Thing As A Happy Pill
I don’t like to talk about the fact that I have struggled with depression because there is so much stigma around it. People on one level still believe that you can just pull yourself out of a depression. I have definitely felt that way in the past, given myself a hard time for not being able to just shrug off its effects. But the fact is that depression is an illness and just like many other illnesses some of us are born with it built into our genes.
I teach about fulfillment. Is it could be easy to judge me for being on an antidepressant. Maybe I am just as positive as I am because I am drugged? I am sure someone reading this believes that. This is a majorly misinformed opinion but one I face regularly.
How has depression helped me be more successful? Depression is not who I am. It is a part of my experience. When I talk about healing yourself, I am not talking from a textbook. I am talking from experience. Each person needs something different to heal. No pill will fix you. It is much more complex than that. But the best guide knows the land. Depression like the other challenges I have faced in my life helps me be able to help others in a profound way.
Your difficulties become your greatest assets. Whatever you are struggling with – today, in this very moment – has the potential to be what brings your life the most depth, strength and character. What is vital is getting the outside support that helps manifest your transformation.
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