by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 21, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
In my 20’s, I learned that if I worked hard I could change my circumstances. In my 30’s, I learned that if I let myself love then, no matter the outcome, whatever I did would be worth it. Now in my 40’s, I can see that if I don\’t have peace on the inside then it doesn\’t matter how much love or money I have in my life.
The truth is, lasting happiness comes from one thing – and that\’s peace.
I was in Thailand a few years ago to meet with a Russian Shaman. True story. She told me that I was meant to work with people around happiness – to really help them to be happy with their life.
At this moment, I see how true her statement really is.
I used to think that happiness was overrated. Now, I think it\’s underrated. Nothing matters more in our lives than how we feel on the inside.
The True Meaning of Life
I believe the secrets of the universe will stay secret. However, I don\’t think this prevents us from creating lives full of meaning and joy. There are few things in life that bring us true happiness. And they\’re not what you think they are.
So what are these things? Let\’s start at the top:
Peace in Your Heart
I have to say it – even at the risk of sounding like every other self-help guru: peace on the inside is where it\’s at.
Life will always have its ups and downs. And yes, you can count on the universe to send something unexpected your way. We can either let ourselves feel tossed around by life\’s inevitable twists and turns. Or we can create a kind of internal stability that won\’t flinch when life throws us a curve-ball. This stability comes from a sense of inner-peace. When this is in place, we know in a deep way that we\’re always going to be okay regardless of what\’s happening around us.
So, stop for a moment and ask yourself: what would your life be like if you spent as much time creating peace in your heart as you do working at your job or on your business? What would happen if you made sure to take some \”you-time\” everyday to bring a little more peace into your heart? Why not create a little experiment to test out your hypothesis?
Time with Those that Matter
Grandparents around the world, join me for an AMEN! They know that time teaches us about what matters most and who matters most in your life. But why wait until you\’re older to benefit from this essential life lesson? Why not build your life around the people you really care about right now?
If this rings true to you, then try this out: once a week for the next month, make a plan to spend some time with someone you really love. Do something that you both enjoy. Those good feelings and good times will build good memories and will help to grow your sense of peace.
Doing Something you Love and That You are Good At
It doesn\’t matter if you get paid for it or not. When we do something we love and we\’re good at, we feel great. And this is exactly what many people refer to as \”life purpose.\” This is why life purpose has more to do with something we create than something we find.
When we start doing things we love and look for ways to offer them to the world, our skill and satisfaction naturally multiplies.
Dare to Dream
There\’s a reason that the idea of the “bucket list” became so popular so fast. People yearn for permission to do things that excite them, bring them joy, and make their life meaningful. We feel happy when we let ourselves dream and when we meet even a few of our dreams.
So, ask yourself: what do I dream of doing? Big or small. It doesn\’t matter. Pick one of your dreams and begin to do things that in time will make it a reality.
Go Deep
Life is too short to stay on the surface. So, to tap into a sense of lasting inner-peace, you\’ll need to find out what is really going on with you and those around you. Be willing to ask challenging questions. Take the risk to create intimacy. Our internal landscape has as much room to explore as our external one.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 3, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When I work with people in my LifeWork Community program, we look for the easiest ways to effect big changes. Why? Because, often it\’s little shifts that create major transformations.
These little shifts tend to get overlooked because we\’re looking for the major breakthrough, the AHA! moment that changes everything. Yet, when you make the small changes the big moments will happen as they do and when they do. The benefit here is that you\’ll be further along in your personal transformation having made small changes along the way.
And so, the focus of this article is about the little ways you can fall in love with your life again.
Fall in Love with Your LIFE Again
Our lives are filled with lots of repetition and routine. It\’s common for many of us feel numb and bored from time to time.
Perhaps you have asked yourself questions like these:
Why has there been little change in my life over the past weeks or months?
Why is it that I\’m no longer excited by my relationship?
Somewhere along the way we came to believe that happiness was a place we were destined and entitled to arrive. We also came to believe that happiness came with having everything we want. These mistaken beliefs can really mislead us. If we aren’t feeling happy or we\’re not getting what we want, we tend to feel like something is wrong. But, nothing is wrong with your life and nothing is wrong with you.
To really access the marrow of life we need to learn some skills that help take our focus away from what we don’t have or should have and instead connect us with what is.
Here are three things you can do today to shift your thinking and to love the life you have before you.
Look for what\’s amazing in your everyday life.
Most of us have unconscious expectations about how our life should be. At the very least, we all have hopes that our lives will turn out in a particular way. When you\’re preoccupied with comparing what you have against what you think you should have, you\’re not able to appreciate what you have for what it is. One of the easiest ways to figure out if your expectations are keeping you from being satisfied with your life is to pay attention to your habits. Do you crave a sugary snack in the afternoon? Are you dissatisfied with your relationships after the initial honeymoon period? Do you start getting bored with work after the initial newness wears off? While there can be many reasons these habits develop, one of them is a lack of ability to see what\’s amazing in your day-to-day. If you\’re in the habit of waiting for something amazing to happen to you, challenge yourself to find what\’s wonderful in what\’s around you.
Find something to be grateful for.
One of the fastest ways to fall in love with your life is to look for things for which you\’re grateful. Take time to celebrate these aspects of your life. We\’re the meaning makers of our life. If we don’t create the meaning, appreciate the little thing, or feel gratitude for what is, then regardless of how good it really gets nothing is going to feel that special.
So, how do you get started? It\’s actually fairly simple. Take a moment during breakfast or dinner to turn to a loved one or friend and tell them one thing you\’re grateful for/ excited about/ intrigued by from your day. Or, you can keep a gratitude journal where you write down three things that happened during the day that you thought were special. Another approach is to tell one person per week how grateful you are for them or something they\’ve done. The great thing here is that when you express your gratitude, you feel good and those around you feel appreciated and noticed. It\’s a win for all involved.
Try to be intentional.
It takes intention to approach your day-to-day life from a place of gratitude. While this mind-set can take a little bit of practice, more often than not it really just requires that we be aware of what we want. When we\’re feeling bored or checked out, that\’s our reminder to check back in with our intention.
Here are some tips to move through your day with intention. When you wake up each morning, think about how you would like to go through the day. How would you like to feel as you move through it? If there\’s an aspect of your day that you anticipate will be challenging, see if you can come up with a way to go through it that\’s ideal for you.
As you go forward, you can build on and develop these skills so that you can add more enjoyment to your life. But, don’t worry if you have some days where you feel flat. It\’s normal. Remember that you can always wake up tomorrow and ask yourself, “what would I like today to be like?
by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 23, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I learned after years of working my tail off that if I did not take care of myself one of two things was going to happen. Either I was going to lose my health or I was going to lose in terms of my results. Self-care became my battle cry where as before I would sneer a little bit at people that talked about self-care thinking “How bourgeois!” Little did I know that I would be biting my tongue!
Not only did I learn the merits of self-care but I also learned that it was not as easy to get and keep on track with as I thought. In other words, the biggest tip for being your personal best is: Self Care, Self Care, Self Care!
Self Care is an investment in our personal resources. Whether what you demand of yourself is large or small you need to take care of your most important tool – you. Here are a list of 10 self care tools that you can use to be your personal best:
- Move your body/ Feed your body. Both movement and nutrition in balance create optimal self care. Learn to lovingly and joyfully move your body. Dance, do yoga, stretch, walk or even exercise. Feed yourself everything that your body needs to be healthy. If you are not sure what this is start by drinking more water and eating more greens.
- Take time in nature and with animals. Both of these experiences have a wonderful effect on us. It helps us destress and relax. If you can’t get out in nature, go to a local park, or get a plant (or two or three!). As far as spending time with animals, their playful and loving ways are a particularly healing form of self care. While there is little substitute for the real thing, you can always supplement with some photos or videos.
- Unplug and watch less TV. We are wired 24/7 these days. We go to sleep and wake up with our first things being smartphones and TV’s. If you have not already adopted a technology diet, putting one in place can have a fabulous effect on you.
- Be less negative and be around negative people less. It takes two to tango and if you are negative then chances are the people you are around are too and vice versa. Take some time to work on yourself first. Change the way you think and speak and then start making choices to be around people who reflect that.
- Let go of grudges. Nothing pulls you down more than uncleared anger and resentment towards others. The only person you are hurting with your negative thinking is you. People can be short-sighted and make mistakes but holding on to the mistakes is the biggest one of all.
- Spend time with awesome friends. Spending time with people you love and especially doing fun activities and laughing is a wonderful way to relax and connect – two important elements of self care.
- Mental Hygiene. Obsessive thinking and worry are so commonplace that people think they are normal. While common for sure, these are not healthy patterns. Learn to stop yourself when you are on a tear. Simply say “Stop” and focus your mind on something more pleasant or productive.
- Make A Difference. Being of Service in the world is a powerful way to feel better. It gives us a sense of meaning and we get the benefit of making other people happy. Take a weekend to volunteer at a food bank, Habitat for Humanity or any other cause that calls to you. Put some good energy in the world.
- Emotional Hygiene Sometimes you just need to clean the pipes. If you have a lot of built up emotion or if you have been dealing with a lot of stress, the best self care might be throwing a fit. Lie down on your bed and kick and hit with your arms and legs. Scream if it feels right. It may sound silly but after you will feel like a million bucks.
- Gratitude Nothing changes your attitude like gratitude. Take a moment every day to write or state at least three things that you are grateful for. So many of us have so much to be thankful for. Remember this is a form of self care.
What are some ways that you care for yourself? Please share below!
by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 19, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The day that I reached the 300k mark in my business I didn’t feel happy. I had been frequently attending fancy events staying in fancy hotels –you know the kind with really large water features, perfect gardens, and extremely polite staff –the kind who say “can I do anything else for you miss” right after they have done anything for you. I had a book published. People were seeking me out for my expertise daily. I was on my way to the big time!
I did not feel happy because it was not in alignment with who I am. I love healthy organic food, funky boutique hotels, intimate and powerful events. I love things that feed my soul not just my wallet. I am in business so that I can go to a balmy tropical island in the winter and feel the sand on my bare toes, so that I can continue to learn what is going on on the cutting edge of my field. I am in business so that I can create quality. I truly believe that business can have the power to change the world and what is more, I know some key things that entrepreneurs like you are missing when it comes to creating your very own business.
I was not paying attention the way I needed to be. I was too busy doing. The answer to fix this problem is coming back into alignment.
Alignment is when who you are and what you are about is unobstructed by thoughts, emotions or experiences. A simple way to say it is: You are thinking, feeling and doing what is right for you. Not right based on what your ego might want but right for you from the place deep inside –the deepest truest part of who you are.
A definition of alignment is a position of agreement or alliance.
It is also possible to describe alignment by the saying that the inner and outer are in agreement. They are mutually supportive. One of the ways that we can tell if there is alignment is through the experience of resonance.
While resonance can be used to direct ourselves in other ways, it can help us now if we are on the right track by giving us that feeling of “home” or “rightness.”
In physics, resonance is “A phenomenon that consists of a given system being driven by another vibrating system or by external forces to oscillate with greater amplitude at some preferential frequencies.”
Again, another way to put this is that when you are in the presence of something or someone that is resonant there is an effect that happens. Something on the outside of you resounds with something on the inside of you letting you know that there is an agreeable relationship.
You can use this experience to help you make choices in all parts of our life.
Here is the trick. Often, we do not have contact with the deepest and truest part of ourselves and so we need to develop that as well. Here are some ways to listen to what is truly important about who you are and what you are desiring:
- Meditate: Learn to see your mental and emotional chatter as simply that and not who you are.
- Pay attention: to what it feels like to be in an environment that you at least guess is ideal for you.
- Know with more than your mind. Your heart and your gut are great resources for staying on track.
- Watch what happens: Be an observer of your life. You will learn a ton!
As with most consciousness skills, observation is the starting point. They require that you pay attention to what is often overlooked. Slowing things down or taking pauses throughout your day can help immensely when growing these skills. And these skills can help immensely in growing a more successful and fulfilled life.
Like this topic? Join me for more on alignment and resonance on this weeks Real Answers Radio. The show is live and I would love for you to call in with your thoughts and questions!
by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 8, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I am not on top of the latest and greatest news the way that some people seem to be. I have a tendency to get things a little later than hot off the presses. However, I happened to watch the Bruce Jenner interview pretty much as soon as it was available. It was a fluke really. While I am very concerned with equality for and understanding of all types of issues especially those related to gender, I was relatively oblivious to all of the press. Yup, that is the truth. I don’t watch reality TV and my consumption of media is low.
The night of this interview I was looking for a something to watch on Hulu and I stumbled on this interview. After watching 10 minutes of it, I knew I needed to bring it to my coaching training program, which was having an intensive the next day. There was so much in that interview that made for rich discussion when working with people. But, what struck me more than anything was that it reminded me that people –all of us—struggle with knowing and being our full selves and that this challenge causes us so much pain.
We can’t be happy if we do not truly accept ourselves. But, what does true self-acceptance look like? Let me see if I can put it into some more concrete terms.
You are either OK with who you are or you are not. You are either on your own side or you are not. And, what this feels like, when you accept yourself, could almost be described as weightlessness.
If you wonder whether you accept yourself ask yourself these questions:
- Am I at peace with all my decisions?
- Do I love myself –even the not-so-great parts?
- When faced with information that supports a less than noble view of myself can I love myself and also challenge myself to be more?
- When in a disagreement, can I respect my own view while respecting the other person’s view?
- Do I know that no matter what I discover about myself that I am good?
If you answer “no” or are not certain, try some exercises taken from my book Real Answers to help you work on fully accepting yourself:
Powerful questions: With these next statements, you have the opportunity to become more aware of any areas of your life where it will benefit you to come to terms, as well as what you might be afraid of.
Complete these statements about yourself:
- One thing I have a difficult time accepting about my life, but deep down know is true, is:
- Some of the things I feel I need to accept about my life that may be difficult to accept are:
- The reason I know these things are difficult to accept is:
- I will know that I have fully accepted these things about my life when:
- This stops me from accepting these things about my life:
- I would accept these things about my life if only:
- I am afraid that, if I accept these things about my life, then:
- What I need to do to accept these things about my life is:
Speak your truth: One of the ways we can move into a deeper level of acceptance is to speak the truth about our lives, making it more real. This increased sense of reality just naturally works to increase our acceptance of what was. For example, I have an event in my life where I had a fight with a close friend of mine. After this fight, I begin to slip into some story around it. For example, my friend was really unfair or my friend overreacted. You can see that these are judgments, and as I was mentioning before, judgments are about the mask. If, instead, I am able to state the data about what happened, this is the actual sensory information. In other words, “What I saw was …,” “What I felt was …,” “What I experienced was …” If I am able to break down the information as truthfully as possible, I will begin to see the situation for what it is.
Talk to someone who was there: This is why personal growth groups and therapy groups work really well. If someone has gone through a similar experience―or, as is the case sometimes with family members, the same experience―sharing that experience with someone who can understand helps us accept that experience. We come to know that this is what truly happened and these are the effects it had. As I was saying earlier in this book, when people go through a trauma, they often minimize the effects or don’t recognize the effects. They do not see that what happened to them directly affects their life. For example, that their depression is related to the trauma or that their angry outbursts are related to the trauma. It is education, which allows us to see all these experiences connect inside of us―how we live them out. This is another example of how we can use acceptance to help with our awareness.
Bringing acceptance into your personal experience will radically change the way you approach almost every aspect of your life and ultimately will bring a lot of benefit to the world.
Like this topic and want to learn more? Join me for Real Answers Radio this Thursday, May 14th at 12pm EST. Real Answers airs live and your questions are always welcome! Tune in here
