by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 16, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Epic Failure
I was the presenter at a New England eWomen event on Wednesday and I totally enjoyed the people who were there. I highly recommend (if you are local and in business) checking them out.
I was all prepared for my speech. I had spoken at eWomen groups before. I felt at ease and confident. And then, a curve ball. Unexpectedly I was asked to talk about my business for 2 minutes.
When it was my turn, I froze. My mind just went completely blank. I have introduced myself this way hundreds of times but my brain could not access the information it needed and I stumbled over my words. YUCK! Who likes public failure? No one does!
So, with the desire to turn this uncomfortable event into something positive, I started to think about what good might come of it. I decided that this post would be the start. And, maybe a book. Inspiration comes in so many ways!
Transforming Failure Into Inspiration
One thing that I hear over and over is that people are afraid to fail. They are afraid of what others are going to think about them. They are afraid to feel the pain of failure and because of this fear of failure they stop short or do not take action at all.
I have definitely been someone that has been afraid of failure. I have been afraid of it to such a degree that at times it has been totally paralyzing.
Truth be told, I was once quoted as saying \”Everyone in my family is a perfectionist (including myself) but I suck at it.\” This is interesting in two ways. First, saying that means I was the pinnacle of perfectionism. Second, this way of being clearly comes with a desire to be mean to myself in the form of judging everything that is not perfect.
If you experience this you know how much it sucks.
Perfectionists never feel good enough. When they make a mistake, and they know that they made a mistake, it is enough to take them down –really far down.
Sometimes this stops them from doing anything at all. Their perfectionist streak can hurt both career and relationships but it\’s worst aspect is the internal judgement and negative dialog.
You can change the game by embracing your limitations and failures. This is not an easy thing to do and takes patience and practice, but it can be learned. Here are five things that you can do to become less of a perfectionist.
1. Stop performing: Do you find yourself making everything polished and perfect? Does everyone think you are amazing –all the time? It can be great to be amazing but know what is even better? Being liked for who you really are. Instead of perfect, aim for genuine.
2. Lean into your mistakes: If you are screwing up, let yourself screw up. It can even be fun. Take it from a serious person. Make a point of not taking YOURSELF to seriously.
3. See your mistakes as opportunities: There is something to be gained from every time we fail. How can you turn coal into a diamond?
4. Give credit to and enjoy both your strengths and limitations: Funny thing happens when you embrace either a strength or a limitation of yours, you become better able to embrace its opposite. This means you get to increasingly step more and more into your full self.
5. See it as a gift: When you are willing to be accepting of your limitations everyone around you is able to breath a bit more easily. Being honest about and accepting your shortcomings helps everyone around you heal themselves by creating an environment of love and acceptance. (more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 4, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What other life might you choose if you could choose more than one? Or, what is the archetypal expression of something that you are living out in your life that you can more fully embrace?
We often focus our attention on being our \”true\” selves and although this is a worthy process, it has it’s limitations. Our \”true\” self can have many faces and if we explore them we may come away with the realization that we are far more complex then we can imagine. As Walt Whitman famously wrote \”Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes\”
Kids express themselves in this way so easily. They play being a princess one moment and then a pirate, a spaceman –or in my case it was often a goat—the next. This allows them to explore the many possibilities of what they want to become. It allows them to expand beyond their daily limitations and the importance of this type of thinking is something adults often forget.
While there are a lot of benefits of knowing what we think, what we like, and who we like, it can also become a way of turning off and shutting down. It can become easy to habitually respond rather than take in the whole situation. We can become set in our ways and stop growing.
So, what might you learn about yourself by stretching outside of what you have come to identify with? How might that actually lead you home to being more of who you are?
Want a way to explore new realms of who you are are who you could be within a supportive and fun space? LifeWork Community offers you the tools to more fully all of who you are and better your life as well as that of your family and community. Learn more here
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 2, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I recently got to take part in an amazing relationship workshop with Caroline Myss at Omega. Below is a selection from her online library which I absolutely recommend you check out here.
Creative Expression
Many people take the very limited view that creativity refers only to the arts, sciences and other noble pursuits. Creative expression is not only alive in our major projects, but also present in the normal course of everyday life — how we organize our work space or our home, how we prepare our meals, or even how we structure our time.
Creativity is having ideas that we bring into physical form and as part of this process, everyone of us is given unique creative potentials. What is crucial to remember here is that your contribution will not look like anyone else\’s – you can be inspired by others but when it comes to true creative expression there is no such thing as duplication.
The center of creative expression in the body is second chakra because every person\’s energetic body is designed to give birth. However the creative process incarnates through your energetic system by traveling through each and every chakra. Along the way, creativity can be blocked in any of your energetic centers.
Common Blocks to Creativity
- Deep rooted fears related to self-esteem and failure: \”It would never work.\”
- Lack of courage to take financial or emotional risks, or withstand criticism from others.
- Destructive imaginary dialogues with friends, family and co-workers: \”My dad will think I\’m nuts if I try this.\” Fears about energy and health demands, or the changes in your life that might be required.
- Reluctance to take on the responsibility of seeing a creative idea to fruition.
Creativity begins as a simple notion; if the notion takes hold, it becomes a bona fide \”idea.\” It is at this point that you begin to strategize–the who, what, where, why, and how questions. Excessive strategizing can weigh the idea down, literally drowning your creativity. Once past the details, you\’ll find yourself dealing with self-doubt: \”Can I really do this?\” \”Do I have what it takes?\”
In addition to internal issues, creativity faces external pressures. The outside world will challenge the strength of your inner vision: \”What, are you nuts?\” \”Do you have any idea the risk you are taking?\” In order to forge ahead, your heart\’s energy must be fully engaged in supporting your creative vision.
Up until this point, it\’s all been theory. Now you must examine whether or not you\’ve got the guts to put your \”money\” where your mouth is: Sign up for the class, apply for that business loan, even something as basic as purchasing the wallpaper for your home office. Take the necessary physical steps to put your \”idea\” into action. As you do, new issues may arise, such as jealousy, competition, control, decision-making, money, trust, and the urge to give up. As you begin your new creative adventures, keep in mind that archetypal patterns of behavior can influence their direction. See if you can identify some of the more common patterns in your life. (more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 30, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Networking has a bad reputation as a forum for superficial small talk. Yet real networking is about establishing mutually beneficial, lasting connections, one person at a time. And with my modern approach to networking, even you can shine and thrive at a board meeting, convention, or free-floating cocktail party.
The reason so many of us hate networking – and profess to stink at it – is because we’ve been futilely following the wrong rules. Rules that only work for a paltry 15% of the population and require us to be phony – a sure fire way to short circuit.
Networking isn’t about working a room or telling everyone how fabulous you are. Real networking is building meaningful, lasting, mutually beneficial connections one person at a time.
This new and improved definition of networking means being true to you; capitalizing on your strengths, and tossing aside ‘rules’ that don’t match your temperament. The book’s self-assessment identifies your networking style. However, here are a few tidbits designed especially for you:
1. Be True To You
You are better qualified to be you than anyone else. Stamp out networking advice that demands you behave in ways that drain you. Harness natural abilities as networking strengths rather than liabilities. Like to listen, not talk? Do it. Energize alone? Go for it. Prefer one-on-one conversation? Arrange it.
2. Realize Less Is More
Be selective. Go to fewer events and be more focused when attending – rather than dragging your weary self to every business opportunity and showing up like a networking prisoner.
3. Plan Your First Impression
Cognitive scientists say it can take up to 200 times the amount of information to undo a first impression as it takes to make one. Who has that kind of spare time? Not you! Show up with the best version of you, every time. You never know who you are meeting.
4. Volunteer
Many of us dislike networking events because we don’t know what to say to a group of strangers. Free floating through a room is a fast track to free-floating anxiety. What to do? Simple. Volunteer to help out. Voila! You have a purpose and something to talk about. Even better, you position yourself as someone helpful – proving how indispensable you are rather than telling everyone about it.
5. Get In Line
This strategy is brilliant. You walk into a networking event with nowhere to go and no one to glom onto. What’s a desperate networker to do? Get in a queue. Any queue. The longer the better! Why? A queue gives you a place to put your body and a temporary purpose in the world. There are only two people to talk with – the person in front and person behind you. There is a reward – whatever is given out at the front of the queue. And a natural ending – the front of the queue. Nice meeting you! Ta-ta!
6. Set Challenging Yet Achievable Networking Goals
Well-formed goals vary by personality. At a networking event, task yourself with meeting one or two people, not a dozen. And follow up (see #10!).
7. Show Don’t Tell
Rather than boring others with a canned advert of how marvelous you are, demonstrate live-time your fabulous self. Be useful and gracious. Greet others with a warm smile and leap at every chance to be helpful.
8. Research
Rather than wandering cavernous expo halls at industry events, do your pre-work. Learn in advance what organizations are of particular interest. Spend more time with fewer people. Impress key targets with your knowledge of who they are and why you are a perfect match.
9. Listen
Ever sense your remarks just shoot off a cliff and crash to the ground? Who needs that kind of pressure? Instead focus on those around you, asking thoughtful questions. Network via a sincere interest in others rather than promoting your fine self.
10. Follow-Up Or Forget About It
If you’re not following up, you’re not networking! We forget half of what we hear within 48 hours. Write personalized follow-up within two days or risk having your brilliant remarks erased permanently from the minds of those you wowed. If you’re not following up, you’re not networking.
reblogged from www.careerealism.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 23, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Networking doesn\’t have to be dry and forced if you don\’t want it to be. In fact, it can be even more valuable if you don\’t treat it that way. Below are six ways to make networking suck less.
Be passionate and make it fun. Instead of trying to \”network,\” try to have fun, get to know people and build mutually-beneficial relationships over time. Remember, meeting people is fun! Learn to appreciate the experience of getting to know someone and building a relationship. Talk about stuff you like to talk about and ask questions that you legitimately want to hear the answer to.
Don\’t go to events. I actually hate the term \”networking\” because most people associate it with big conferences and events with lots of people selling things and giving out business cards. Don\’t go to those kinds of events.
Don\’t get me wrong, you can meet some awesome people at big events. Conferences and events are a great way to start meeting people in a given industry and forming a network. However, after building up an initial base, I\’ve found that the best networking doesn\’t happen at events.
Ask for introductions or reach out directly. Instead of going to events and hoping that you will serendipitously run into someone that you\’d love to meet, be more intentional. Think strategically about the people you want to have in your network and make a list. Find them on LinkedIn, and if you have any common connections, ask the shared connection for an introduction. If you don\’t have any common connections, try reaching out directly.
If you are someone they would benefit from knowing, they will gladly accept the introduction or respond to your outreach. To \”warm up\” your cold call, try interacting with them online by responding to their tweets or commenting on their blog. Make sure you have a strong online presence so that when they receive your or your shared contacts email they can easily see that you are someone they would benefit from knowing.
Host your own events. Invite a group of people and ask each of them to invite a couple more people. Good people usually know other good people, so if you invite good people, you will likely meet even more good people. The event could be a breakfast, happy hour, dinner, basketball game or pretty much anything you enjoy doing. Building relationships with your existing contacts is sometimes more valuable than meeting new people. In addition, by filtering this way, you\’re more likely to meet great people.
Blog and tweet to reach a wider audience. Amazingly, blogging can actually help you accomplish several core networking strategies. Blogging is a great way to engage your existing contacts, as well as reach a new audience.
Writing content that\’s valuable to your audience and displays your expertise is an effective way to reach a wider audience. It\’s also more \”scalable\” in that it enables you to reach more people in the same amount of time than having individual meetings or attending individual events.
Connect with connectors. Connectors are people who know a lot of people and make a regular practice of introducing their contacts to each other. They spend a lot of time networking and meeting new people. Knowing connectors gives you more eyes on the world and saves you time. If and when they find someone that you would benefit from knowing, they will introduce you.
Key takeaways:
- Networking doesn\’t have to suck unless you make it suck. Remind yourself to have fun meeting people, chatting about shared interests, and building relationships over time.
- Instead of going to business-card-swapping events hoping for serendipity, network more intentionally by meeting people through introductions, smaller private events and cold outreach.
- Blogging, social media and connecting with connectors are great ways to network in a more time effective way.
Re-blogged from Entrepreuer.com
About the Author: Mike Fishbein is the founder of Startup College and author of How to Build an Awesome Professional Network. Previously he was part of the founding team of a venture studio and corporate innovation firm.
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