by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 29, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
1. Be kind and generous: In every moment of every day it is possible to change someone’s life. Sometimes, it is as simple as just being kind.
2. Be clear about what does and does not work for you: People cannot work with you if they do not know what you are all about. If you are always compromising yourself, you will not be as effective.
3. Be your full self: Holding back because you think that is what others want is not helpful to anyone. You would not be who you are if it was not needed.
4. Let others be their full selves: The same goes for anyone else. If you think others need to be different, you are wrong. Let people be who they really are. If you don’t like it, figure out how to work with it.
5. Say thank you: People love to be appreciated. Let them know when you are grateful.
6. Look for ways to give back: Don’t lose track of making a contribution. No matter where you find yourself in your life, you can give back in a way that helps others.
7. Tip well and tip often: If you have money — and some might argue that this is true even if you don’t have money — make sure to support the people who are making minimum wage. They are working hard.
8. Support the things you believe in: Purchase what you want to support. Spend your time doing what you want to support. Talk about the things you want to support. You get the picture?
9. Really listen: Most people are not listened to enough. Pay attention to them and let them know they are important.
10. Focus: Know what you want to create and how you can help others. Then do it. Most everything else is a waste of time.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 26, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Your back aches, your coffee\’s luke warm, or you fall behind schedule.
There are myriad things that can and will go wrong every single day of your life. (And hey — there\’s also plenty that goes right, so keep track of that, too.)
Many of us allow one sour moment to spoil what would have otherwise been a perfectly sweet day. But it doesn\’t have to be this way. There are simple — really simple — ways to keep your stress in check and stop agonizing over the inevitable.
\”We\’re living in a society where we think the answers have to be really complicated,\” says Kathy Gruver, Ph.D., author of \”Conquer Your Stress With Mind/Body Techniques.\” \”We tend to complicate our own lives, but things can be ridiculously simple — and still work.\” The next time there\’s a bump in the road, remember a few of the mental tricks below to help yourself smoothly redirect back on course.
Just. Stop. Thinking. About. It. Certain pain, like an aching back, feels impossible to ignore. But agonizing over what hurts won\’t help you to feel any better. Instead, you\’re just suffering twice (once in your head, once in your back). \”You have the choice to think about something else,\” says Gruver, which is a somewhat shockingly simple truth. Just. Stop.
Focus on the breath.
\”Breathing is so cool because it happens automatically and it\’s something we can control,\” Gruver says. Breath concentration works anywhere and it gives you something positive to focus on. Gruver suggests thinking \”I am,\” on your inhale and \”at peace\” on your exhale. This technique it powerful: It overrides negative thoughts and redirects your focus. \”It\’s hard to stop thinking things, but it\’s easy to replace those thoughts with something else.\”
Don\’t beat yourself up if stress-inducing thoughts creep their way in.
It\’s normal and natural for this to happen, but judging yourself for it sort of defeats the purpose of the practice. Gruver says to dismiss these thoughts without judging yourself for having them, and carry on.
Visualize something that doesn\’t make you anxious.
\”Visualization gives you control and can help decrease your pain.\” Visualize anything from your favorite vacation spot when you\’re feeling on edge to your body actually healing itself when you\’re experiencing physical pain. \”The more real you can make it, the more it\’s going to work.\” The doctor herself visualizes a \”little construction worker\” moving around her body, working to mend and heal her whenever she feels achy or sick.
Use cues to remind you to be mindful.
\”Mindfulness isn’t about setting time aside and sitting on the pillow for meditation,\” says the practitioner. \”Mindfulness is about making your everyday activity a meditation.\” There are times when the practice of being mindful seems to slip our minds, and we get caught up in the heat of the moment. In these cases, it can be helpful to use \”mindful cues\” to bring us back to center. Whether it\’s an alarm on your phone, an app that reminds you to breathe or even the laugh of your colleague that you choose to associate with being present, setting these little reminders will prevent the chaos of the day from becoming too much to bear.
Rely on a someone you trust.
When you want to start making changes, ask a confidant to be a gentle reminder. If you want to stop complaining about your boss, mention it to someone you\’re close to. He\’s more likely to catch — and stop — you in the act. It\’s a system that\’ll keep you in check when you react to a stressful situation rather than respond to it.
reblogged from The Huffington Post
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 24, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
The covers of most men\’s and women\’s magazines have similar headlines: \”Get Great Abs\” and \”Have Amazing Sex.\” From the looks of it, these two issues have been recycled over and over (with some other stereotypically gender-relevant articles thrown in) on every Men\’s Health, Maxim, Cosmopolitan and Glamour cover since the dawn of time. In fact, I\’d bet that if we could get a better translation of cave drawings, they would read something like \”Grok get flat belly. Make girl Grok moan with joy.\”
And we keep buying them. We keep buying this lie that these things will make us happy. I\’ve had washboard abs (past tense) and I\’ve had some pretty phenomenal sex. Neither one made me a better person. Neither one completed me or made my life more fulfilling.
We chase this idea of \”I will be happy when… \”
I will be happy when I have a new car. I will be happy when I get married. I will be happy when I get a better job. I will be happy when I lose five pounds. What if instead we choose to be happy — right now?
If you can read this, your life is pretty awesome.
Setting aside our first-world problems and pettiness, if you are online reading this, you have both electricity and WiFi or access to them. Odds are you are in a shelter of some sort, or on a smart phone (and then kudos to you for reading this on the go). Life might bump and bruise us, it may not always go the way we plan and I know I get frustrated with mine, but here\’s the thing: You are alive.
Because you are alive, everything is possible. So about those eight tips…
1. Stop believing your bullshit.
All that stuff you tell yourself about how you are a commitment phobe or a coward or lazy or not creative or unlucky? Stop it. It\’s bullshit, and deep down you know it. We are all insecure 14 year olds at heart. We\’re all scared. We all have dreams inside of us that we\’ve tucked away because somewhere along the line we tacked on those ideas about who we are that buried that essential brilliant, childlike sense of wonder. The more we stick to these scripts about who we are, the longer we live a fraction of the life we could be living. Let it go. Be who you are beneath the bullshit.
2. Be happy now.
Not because The Secret says so. Not because of some shiny happy Oprah crap. But because we can choose to appreciate what is in our lives instead of being angry or regretful about what we lack. It\’s a small, significant shift in perspective. It\’s easier to look at what\’s wrong or missing in our lives and believe that is the big picture — but it isn\’t. We can choose to let the beautiful parts set the tone.
3. Look at the stars.
It won\’t fix the economy. It won\’t stop wars. It won\’t give you flat abs, or better sex or even help you figure out your relationship and what you want to do with your life. But it\’s important. It helps you remember that you and your problems are both infinitesimally small and conversely, that you are a piece of an amazing and vast universe. I do it daily — it helps.
4. Let people in.
Truly. Tell people that you trust when you need help, or you\’re depressed — or you\’re happy and you want to share it with them. Acknowledge that you care about them and let yourself feel it. Instead of doing that other thing we sometimes do, which is to play it cool and pretend we only care as much as the other person has admitted to caring, and only open up half way. Go all in — it\’s worth it.
5. Stop with the crazy making.
I got to a friend\’s doorstep the other day, slightly breathless and nearly in tears after getting a little lost, physically and existentially. She asked what was wrong and I started to explain and then stopped myself and admitted, \”I\’m being stupid and have decided to invent lots of problems in my head.\” Life is full of obstacles; we don\’t need to create extra ones. A great corollary to this one is from The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz: Don\’t take things personally. Most of the time, other people\’s choices and attitudes have absolutely nothing to do with you. Unless you\’ve been behaving like a jerk, in which case…
6. Learn to apologize.
Not the ridiculous, self-deprecating apologizing for who you are and for existing that some people seem to do (what\’s up with that, anyway?). The ability to sincerely apologize — without ever interjecting the word \”but\” — is an essential skill for living around other human beings. If you are going to be around other people, eventually you will need to apologize. It\’s an important practice.
7. Practice gratitude.
Practice it out loud to the people around you. Practice it silently when you bless your food. Practice it often. Gratitude is not a first world only virtue. I saw a photo recently, of a girl in abject poverty, surrounded by filth and destruction. Her face was completely lit up with joy and gratitude as she played with a hula hoop she\’d been given. Gratitude is what makes what we have enough. Gratitude is the most basic way to connect with that sense of being an integral part of the vastness of the universe; as I mentioned with looking up at the stars, it\’s that sense of wonder and humility, contrasted with celebrating our connection to all of life.
8. Be kind.
Kurt Vonnegut said it best (though admittedly, and somewhat ashamedly — I am not a Vonnegut fan): \”There\’s only one rule that I know of, babies — \’God damn it, you\’ve got to be kind.\’\” Kindness costs us nothing and pays exponential dividends. I can\’t save the whole world. I can\’t bring peace to Syria. I can\’t fix the environment or the health care system, and from the looks of it, I may end up burning my dinner. But I can be kind. If the biggest thing we do in life is to extend love and kindness to even one other human being, we have changed the world for the better. That\’s a hell of a lot more important than flat abs in my book.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 19, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I know some of you will remember the game show To Tell the Truth. It ran for 25 consecutive seasons and was a huge hit…actually setting the record for the longest running game show. At the end of the show, the final line before the contestant was revealed was, “Will the real…please stand up?” And, at times it was a real surprise! But leading up to that “truth” moment were two other people who were allowed to lie. So, was To Tell the Truth” an oxymoron?
It can be as confusing for our clients to know who we really are as it was for the celebrities who had to pick the real person who aligned with the career. Sometimes our be-ing and our do-ing are out of alignment. This can be a real barrier to launching a business and building relationships of trust with our clients. And trust is the glue that holds relationships together for the long term. So, what can we do to make sure our communication, our actions, and our character are congruent?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines authentic as: something real and true, as the quality of being real or true:
The Mirriam Webster Dictionary defines authentic as conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features…
If you blend those two it essentially points to the true innate character or qualities we were born with…not something we created on our own or continue to create with our egos.
Who are we…really? What character traits, values, and principles drive our decisions and responses? Have we even considered what authenticity means to us? Unfortunately, many people go through life never knowing who they really are. How can we be genuine, passionate, and in integrity in relationships both business and personal, if we’re confused about our true self?
The other mistake many people make is feeling that their authenticity will produce rejection. The truth is that, yes, there are people who will not be attracted to you, your message, and perhaps your beliefs, but there are also many who will be. You can’t be all things to all people and be authentic. Find your voice, declare your values, and attract those people who are perfect for you!
Authentic businesses do not strive for perfection or depend on outside approval, but look for ways to be genuine and congruent with products and service matching the message and image. Consumers are more savvy, educated, and informed and the trend is moving away from hype and moving toward buzz, according to David Lewis, author of The Soul of the New Consumer
If we want to serve one another in passion pursuits, make a difference in our world and be truly happy with ourselves, we must live genuine lives, live up to our commitments, and display authenticity in business.
reblogged from Leta Russell International (more…)
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 17, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
There is a reason you are the person you are. Really! Everything that exists has a place — and that includes you.
It is easy to feel like you don’t have a place. I felt like that for most of my life. When we feel like this, we can start to believe that we need to change ourselves in order to make things work. This is likely to be the first in a long line of mistakes! The only way we can make it work is by being ourselves and doing things the way we know they need to be done.
Of course, I am not saying that each of us does not have a lot to learn — we have a ton to learn from others and the world around us. Sometimes, learning requires us to temporarily set aside our own way of doing things — but only temporarily. We need to integrate what we learn into who we really are.
Both fulfillment and success result from being ourselves and living the expression of who we are. What I find is that people are not taught how to connect deeply to their own inner truth and wisdom. Most people go through life not even knowing what that means. We are taught myriad things in school and at home — such as how to set a table and do math — but most schools and homes are filled with adults who have no better sense of how to connect to themselves than the children do.
One way to connect with our essence is to write out our values. By creating a list of our values and why they are significant to us, we are able to gain access to what we find most important. This is who we really are. This is what we are meant to bring forward into the world.
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