by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 7, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
This morning, I was on the phone with one of the most dynamic women I’ve ever met. We were talking about a joint venture based on her initial success with clients of a particular product she launched. She then uttered the words that I’ve heard time and time again from women, including myself:
“I’m just not sure that I’m credible enough yet to lead this. Have I done enough in the industry to show that I’m the right person to do it?”
And that, my friends, is the key to what holds us back. While it’s a generalization, of course, it’s one that I’ve seen throughout my career. Women remain steadily focused on competence, while men are focused on confidence. When offered an opportunity, we women wonder: ,”Am I good enough? Do I deserve this? Do I have enough expertise in this area?” While men, when offered that same opportunity, tend to jump up and volunteer — even when they don’t know what they’re talking about. They say yes first, and figure it out later.
Competence is an amazing and necessary thing. But, as you grow in your career, ask yourself if you’ve worked as hard on your confidence as you have on your competence. Granted, there’s no MBA in “confidence,” but it is a skill that most certainly can be taught.
Here are a few ways to build up your confidence:
1. Set a MVC metric.
Knowledge is key, but we often hide behind needing to “know more” before we act. What is the minimal amount of competence that you need on a subject before you can push forward? Figure out the Minimum Viable Competence (MVC) needed — then go get that. You can (and should) continue to learn, of course, but once you have MVC, it’s time to go for it.
2. Ask for feedback.
Look for people who are invested in you and ask them what it is about you that makes you great. It’s not fishing for compliments; it’s building your tolerance for hearing great things about yourself without cringing. Even better? Also ask for areas of improvement. Work on those, but don’t stop pushing forward as you’re doing that hard work. Learning how to take constructive feedback (both positive and negative) is vital.
3. Dream big.
Imagine what your life and career would be like if nothing was holding you back. No barriers, no politics, nothing. Write it down. Then ask yourself: Why on earth you are letting anything stand between you and what you really want? Aren’t you worth that dream? Aren’t you competent enough to execute against that dream? If not, why not? Find out if it’s an actual physical challenge — or if it’s just negative self-talk and lack of confidence that’s holding you back.
By the time I had finished my call with that brilliant young woman I spoke with this morning, we had hatched an idea for a business that will hopefully be a great success for her. It may, of course, fall flat on its face. But one thing is for sure: There’s nothing in the world holding her, or anyone else, back from just going for it.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | May 8, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Most people agree that self-confidence is one of the most important factors in how well we do in life.
We are born with perfect self-confidence, but that is eroded by many factors as we grow up.
Instead of focusing on the things that drag down our confidence, it is important to remember the things that boost it. Whether we are going to a job interview, a first date, giving a speech, or just getting through the day, there are some basic ways that we can give ourselves that extra boost of confidence that will win the day:
1. Focus On Wins
Have reminders of your achievements in full view so you can see them every night before going to bed and every morning when you wake up. They can be trophies, awards achieved, or anything that you are proud of. If you have no visible record, write down at least five things you are proud having achieved and post them by the mirror in your bathroom and on the wall in your workplace.
2. Remember What You Are Proud Of
List all the things you are proud of. What can you put on your résumé? What did you do that took courage? Perhaps you moved away from your family, struck out on your own, or left an abusive relationship. Things that others would be afraid of doing, but you did them. How about the people you helped? Or maybe things you didn’t do, like say negative things about someone when everyone else was. Have you gone out of your way to help someone, when others might not have?
List these things and read them whenever you face a situation where you will need all your confidence.
3. Always Give Your Best
Give your best in all situations. The outcome may not be what you wanted, but you will come away feeling good about yourself–every time you do you will come away a stronger person. Stand up for what you believe in and what is right. Defend someone who is weaker, someone who is being bullied, or someone being treated unfairly. Resist the urge to go along just to get along. Be true to yourself and you will respect yourself and earn respect from those that matter.
4. Just Do It
We all are afraid of doing unfamiliar things for the first time, but those who succeed do things they have a fear of doing. Get into the habit of pushing your comfort zone and doing things you are a little bit frightened to do. Make a list of something every week and every month. They don’t have to be huge but require some courage for you to do.
Try taking a dancing class, going to a movie alone, or starting a conversation with a stranger. See how it makes you feel after. Keep track of these things on a calendar. Review them every so often, or before that big date, interview, or event that is going to demand all the confidence you can muster.
5. Keep Building Your Wins
Don’t get into comparing your win with that of others. Your achievement is as important as anyone else’s.
Only share what you are doing with those that totally support you. Confidence builds upon itself, and the more you think you can do, the more you will attempt and be successful at. Keep adding to your win list and watch yourself soar.
reblogged from fastcompany.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 17, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
There is a reason you are the person you are. Really! Everything that exists has a place — and that includes you.
It is easy to feel like you don’t have a place. I felt like that for most of my life. When we feel like this, we can start to believe that we need to change ourselves in order to make things work. This is likely to be the first in a long line of mistakes! The only way we can make it work is by being ourselves and doing things the way we know they need to be done.
Of course, I am not saying that each of us does not have a lot to learn — we have a ton to learn from others and the world around us. Sometimes, learning requires us to temporarily set aside our own way of doing things — but only temporarily. We need to integrate what we learn into who we really are.
Both fulfillment and success result from being ourselves and living the expression of who we are. What I find is that people are not taught how to connect deeply to their own inner truth and wisdom. Most people go through life not even knowing what that means. We are taught myriad things in school and at home — such as how to set a table and do math — but most schools and homes are filled with adults who have no better sense of how to connect to themselves than the children do.
One way to connect with our essence is to write out our values. By creating a list of our values and why they are significant to us, we are able to gain access to what we find most important. This is who we really are. This is what we are meant to bring forward into the world.
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