by Dr. Heléna Kate | Sep 15, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Practicing these 7 steps with a genuine intention for understanding will go a long way in our ability to understand and to relate to someone\’s experience.
1. Make eye contact.
2. Ask questions (and really want to hear the answer). Try these:
How are you?
What has been going on for you?
What have you been up to?
What have you been thinking about?
How have you been feeling?
3. Listen. It seems obvious, but we often think we are listening when instead we are formulating our response. Don’t talk. Don’t tell the other person how they feel. Don’t offer advice. Just listen.
4. Empathize. Affirm their feelings. Whether you agree or disagree with the individual, how they feel is how they feel. It is possible to be a good listener and not necessarily agree. You don’t need to tell them why you don’t agree. Offer moral support. Here are some empathetic statements:
I hear you.
I would feel the same way.
That sounds _____.
I understand how you feel.
Tell me more.
5. Wait. Usually the person will give you a sense of what they would like from you. All they may have wanted was for you to listen. Or they may ask: What do you think? What would you do? as a way to solicit advice. Or they may have more to share. Keep listening. And in case you haven’t seen it, this video always makes me laugh, as it pokes fun at a man’s desire to problem solve and a woman’s desire for listening.
6. Share. Vulnerability is a two-way street. Connection doesn’t occur unless both people are willing to be vulnerable. You can’t have all the benefits of connection without being vulnerable yourself. Connection develops when you let yourself be seen. If you aren’t sure what to say, tell them you don’t know what to say. We don’t want perfection. We want authenticity. We want you next to us in the arena. Get uncomfortable.
7. Compliment. Compliments are only powerful if they are genuine. We often hold back from offering compliments because we think the person already knows the trait we admire. Maybe. Maybe not. Offering a compliment can make someone’s day.
reblogged from Lorena Knapp\’s website Big State, Big Life: Tools for mindful living.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 29, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Having effective communication skills is imperative for your success. Positive communication will certainly increase the opportunities you find in your career and business. Having good communication skills will enable you to get ahead in certain areas where others who are less assertive may not succeed. A few things to keep your eyes on while practicing the fine art of communication are:
Body Language
Do not shy away from the person with whom you are speaking. Be sure to maintain a relaxed, but not slouching posture, regardless whether you are the one speaking or listening. Other things that ensure your body is communicating your attentiveness to the conversation can include:
Making eye contact.
Nodding occasionally to acknowledge a strong point in the conversation.
Standing with hands clasped in front of you, never crossing your arms.
Not displaying nervous ticks such as wringing hands, picking at your nails, or anything that the person communicating with you will view as a distraction from their conversation.
Speech and Attentiveness
When speaking, you need to be clear and concise. Speak on important matters directly and do not waste time with long drawn out stories that will cause your listener’s mind to wander. Make sure you ask whether they understand, and be willing to further explain any of your points. Do not expect someone to just “know” what you are saying, even if it is crystal clear in your own mind. In addition, one of the most important aspects of verbal communication is the ability to practice active listening. This is not just actively waiting to talk. Always make mental notes of key points when someone is speaking to you. That way once you are given a chance to speak, you can respond to the most vital issues being dealt with. When others are speaking, try to think about the exact words that they are saying. If you practice this, you will comprehend and contain 75 percent more of the information that you hear.
Communication Consistency
Maybe your weakness is in the quality or quantity with which you communicate to your employees. Communication seems to have dwindled to superficial small talk. Great communicators practice the ability of consistent communication by remaining available. Do not be afraid to be the one who voices any concerns or difficulties. However, ensure that you are practicing open and honest communication with those who may depend on you. Be available and bold with tact. Be sure to leave communication lines open to those who may need to address problems with you. You will find that you prevent the small issues that normally have the habit of becoming large ones by making those in your life aware that you are open to discussing issues at any time.
Patience
During your communications with others always give them time to communicate their issues as well. Remaining focused on what they are trying to communicate will show them that you are indeed open to assisting with their issues. Many of people’s communication lines tend to break down on the side where impatience is in a rush to get out of the conversation. Since you cannot control the other side, do yourself a favor and take a breath. The conversation you’re involved in is important.
If you are confused as to what someone may be requesting, than repeat back to him or her what you think they said and ask if that is correct. Often this will inspire the speaker to be more in-depth about their needs, which will help you to understand them fully.
Practicing Effective Communication Skills
If someone has communicated a need or an issue to you, then your main priority should be to aid him or her in repairing the problem. Following up on an issue is the only way to convince others whom you need to communicate with that you have listened to them and that their problems or issues are important to you as well.
Practicing strong follow-up will also leave the impression that you are involved in the bigger picture. When people see this commitment, they will know you are open to future communications. This creates a loyal and discerning surrounding that cultivates positive movement and communication. This will develop a strong sense of confidence in those with whom you communicate.
Looking for more ways to improve your ability to connect your peers, employees or partner? Attend Dr. Kate\’s LifeWork: Love & Money Retreat! (more…)
