by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 30, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I listen for a living. Over the years, I\’ve developed my ability to listen into what people say and – sometimes more importantly – what they don\’t say. My ability to listen closely to my clients is a big part of how I help them get the results they seek.
Really listening to what people say has changed my life in many ways. Over time, I\’ve witnessed many unique experiences, feelings, and thoughts behind a person’s individual perspective. This has strengthened my compassion and broadened my world-view.
This week I\’d like to explore the art of listening and how it can change your life for the better.
Learning to Listen Can Change Your Life
Listening is central to creating relationship. When you deeply listen to what someone says, they feel cared about and understood. People who feel cared about and understood will undoubtably change your life for the better. However, the real impact of listening is how it changes you.
During our lifetime, we hit a million instances of misunderstanding. In fact, most of us spend a lot of time feeling misunderstood. Regardless of how much each of us might try, it\’s virtually impossible to easily navigate the myriad of perspectives contained in each person with total understanding.
This is why it feels so good when we come across someone who is willing to really listen to us. When a person listens to what we say, they show us they care. They demonstrate their desire to know what we think and feel. They want to understand. Their willingness to be present to our thoughts and feelings encourages our loyalty. The payoff is that we\’re much more likely to go to bat for someone who has worked hard to understand what we\’re all about.
But, truth be told, there is a greater benefit to listening well. When we learn to listen, we stop – or at the very least decrease – the amount of misunderstanding there is in the world. The simple act of listening contributes to everyone\’s overall sense of connectedness and wellbeing. Here\’s how this happens –
We learn to see other points of view:
Each of us live in a bit of a bubble. Even the most reflective of us spend the majority of our time reinforcing our established beliefs. If we do not try to see things through other people’s eyes, well, we just don’t. In the best case scenario, this entrenchment in our own perspective leads to misunderstanding. In the worse case scenario, this mode of myopic thinking contributes to things like hate-crimes and wars. Yet, our ability to see other people’s points of view can have powerful and lasting effects. It can inspire innovation and change the course of cultures.
We develop our ability to empathize:
To \”walk a mile in someone else’s shoes\” is a standard piece of wisdom for a really good reason. While seeing another’s point of view can be helpful for creating intellectual understanding, empathizing helps us feel into the emotional factors that guide other\’s beliefs. Empathy forms a “human” bond. It allows us to disagree and still relate to other person\’s emotional experience. This increases our desire to find solutions that benefit both parties.
We stop the cycle of reaction:
When we chose not to listen, understand or empathize, we\’re likely to get caught up in reactivity. In these moments, we will inevitably disagree or get triggered by another person\’s actions. If we don\’t stop to listen or try to promote mutual understanding, we\’re likely to react to what is being said versus responding to it. This makes matters exponentially worse. Listening helps us break the cycle of reaction and creates new outcomes.
We see our limitations:
If we have enough ego-resilience, we can deal with being wrong and we recognize that we are limited – just like everyone else is. Listening to others and suspending our judgments can help us recognize our own limitations and support us to grow and change in positive ways. The very first limitation that listening is likely to reveal is our need to be right. In order to listen well we need to put aside this need. Instead, we must chose to truly hear what the other person is saying.
We see our contributions to misunderstanding:
We often unconsciously do things that perpetuate misunderstanding Our default patterns can go unnoticed if we don\’t listen to other people’s perception of us. By deeply listening to others, we can start to see how we have contributed to the challenges at hand.
So, if you want to change the world, you can start by getting quiet and listening to the people around you. Begin to let what others say and how they say it challenge or even change your limited ways of being in the world. And, by doing this, you may open up the potential for all of us to co-exist more peacefully.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 24, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When I went to high school my teachers had it backwards. Instead of helping their students to develop the right thinking necessary to solve a problem, they simply encouraged them to have the right answer to a problem. Their answer-based rather than thought-based focus of education amplified my weaknesses and not my strengths. In turn, my observations of my teachers\’ motivations were less than welcome.
So, I got out of high school with the belief that I just wasn’t smart. I had no idea what do with myself because I had no idea what my strengths actually were.
After making the choice to explore what I loved, because, well, why the hell not… I learned that I had some strengths that never before seemed like strengths. Ever since this point, my life has been infinitely more fulfilling.
This week\’s article is devoted to helping you clarify what your personal strengths are and how you can use them more often in your life and work.
Discover and Use Your Personal Strengths
Many people have the experience of getting a good chunk of the way through their life without really knowing what their strengths are. Because of this, they can feel inadequate, unable to take risks, or just plain unsatisfied. This is especially true for people whose strengths are not clearly defined by our academic and work institutions.
It would be great if as children we were educated about how to see our own innate strengths and brilliance and if our education encouraged us to use these skills. However, this is rarely the case.
The following is a list of questions that will help you get clear on what your strengths are as well as some suggestions about how you can use your strengths to create more success and fulfillment in your life.
What do you love to do?
You\’ve heard it before. If you want to be happy do what you love to do. Yet, an often overlooked fact is that what you love to do is also a reflection of your strengths. In other words, because you love to do it you\’re likely to do it better. So, if you\’re unclear about what your strengths are – do what you love to do.
What do others say about you?
We get feedback from others throughout our lives. This feedback can be very similar at times. We might hear the same things over and over whether they be good or bad. If you\’ve heard others say things about you that you like, they\’re most likely pointing out your strengths. If you\’ve heard things you don’t like, then I suggest that you try to reframe what you\’ve heard to be more positive. For example, if others have called you flakey, a positive twist on this would be that you demonstrate spontaneity. If you can’t remember what people have said about you, ask some of the people you trust most in your life what they see as your strengths and why they see them as strengths.
What are you particularly good at?
Sometimes we do something so well that we take it for granted and don’t recognize it as our strength. We often think: \”how could this be a strength if it is so easy for me to do?\” Yet, our strengths make things easy for us to do. So, pay attention to which things seem effortless and ask other people how they feel about doing them. See how effortless – or effortful – these things are to them. By doing this you will gain a greater appreciation of your strengths.
What do you feel great after doing?
Doing what we love and know we do well leaves us feeling GREAT. A sure sign that you\’re using your strengths is that you feel energized after doing something. Once you recognize where and when you feel this energized feeling, you might notice that there is potential for you to feel it more often. To do this, stay with how you feel after doing something you love. Notice what small changes you can make to other things you\’re doing that might help you sustain that energized feeling.
What do you do differently?
If you zig when others zag, you might be looking at a strength of yours. Sometimes our strengths have us doing things differently from the masses. So, if you find yourself playing Bach to other people\’s three chord wonder then take a moment to figure out why. Since marching to your own beat can be frowned upon by others at times, make sure to give yourself ample latitude to see the value in what you\’re bringing forward.
Who do you admire?
If you get totally stumped about your strengths, one of the best things to do is to think about people you admire and why you admire them. This exercise gets us out of our own way. We don’t have to think about our own strengths, we can just think about who we admire and why we admire them. Take this information and see how you can find those qualities in yourself. Even if they haven\’t been nurtured, they are likely to be strengths that you possess.
You can also take a quiz like Personal Strengths quiz on Penn Universities Authentic Happiness page https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/ to help you discover your strengths.
Once you start to see your strengths you can take any activity – or part of your life – and see how you can use a particular strength to improve your satisfaction and your results. For example, how might I use my strength of spontaneity to strengthen my relationship?
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Nov 28, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Q:Why do you believe that having a business coach or mentor is important? How have they helped you?
Having a coach or mentor is really important because they are an independent sounding board with business experience and great wisdom. A coach is not a consultant who comes into your business and tells you what to do or does it for you. Rather, a coach spends time listening to where you’re at in your business and then initiates discussions to facilitate problem solving and strategic planning.
This concept was a little hard to get my head around at first, I couldn’t believe that I was paying a lot of money to do all the work myself. However, the ‘coaching’ technique is definitely invaluable because it is not the quick fix that many consultants who come in and out of your business in a hurry usually provide. Instead,
When I started my business I was definitely an experienced electrician but I had no real idea about running a business. Eighteen months along and working almost 90 hours a week, I employed the services of a business coach and have never looked back.
The best thing about a coach or mentor is that they keep you accountable to your vision. Often as a small business owner you can get caught working in your business and not spending enough time working on it and moving toward your business goals. Having weekly or even fortnightly meetings with a coach forces you to take a few hours out to specifically think about your business and where it’s heading.
Although taking this time out is extremely important, small business owners often say they are too busy and don’t prioritize it. This is dangerous and small business owners often don’t meet their goals because they don’t spend enough time strategically planning. This is where coaches keep you accountable and regularly challenge you on your progress.
I have also found that having a coach can stop you from learning the hard way and making big mistakes. Because I have listened to the words of wisdom of other people, it has allowed me to progress quickly without too many deterrents as a result of making wrong choices.
Joshua Nicholls is the owner of Platinum Electrical Contractors, which in just four years has experienced a growth of 790%. From it’s humble beginnings, Platinum Electrical has now grown to have over 30 employees and has been a finalist and won many small business awards.
reblogged from www.businessblueprint.com.au
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 6, 2013 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
So what is meant by the term \”vision\”? It\’s simple. Whatever difference you want to make in the world — ending hunger and war, teaching parents how to raise children better, teaching partners how to love better, or however you want to make the world a better place — it is important to have a clear desired end result.
Your vision is your all-encompassing goal. You might never ultimately achieve this goal on your own — after all, ending world hunger is a pretty tall order — but your contribution will get the world closer to that goal.
Your first step is to create your Vision Statement. Most businesses use this step, as well, to help them formulate their business plan. It\’s a good way to help clarify your project.
Here is the first part of an exercise to help you write your Vision Statement:
Answer the following questions:
What I want to change about the world is:
One to three things I think the world needs are:
What I want to communicate to the world is:
How is your life and your business currently in line with your vision? What steps can you take today and this week that will bring you closer to living your purpose through this vision?
Does your visions include helping others? Dr. Kate\’s Master Transformational Coach Certification will give you a foundation from which you can reach those you most want to effect AND make money doing it.
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