by Dr. Heléna Kate | Apr 24, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Whether you lost your job because of a company cut back, a major mistake, or a personal issue, losing your job can cut to the core of how you feel about yourself and can seriously affect your ability to carry on with life as usual. As with any difficult time, it is incredibly important to take action that affirms who you are and allows you to regain personal power after losing your job.
This list of practices will help you figure out how to regain your power after losing your job, but it isn’t only that! This is a list to keep someplace you will see it every day — to remind you to keep doing things that will help you stay on track, pick yourself up, and move on with your life after challenges.
How To Regain Personal Power After Losing Your Job
Give yourself a moment to breath: Like any loss, grief is a healthy part of the process of losing your job. It is all too easy to move on too quickly and not give ourselves a moment to feel the impact of what has happened. When you bolt from pain like this it actually holds you back later on in life. Taking some time to grieve now will mean that you will be less likely to get really off track when you start moving forward.
Focus on what you did right: Without being defensive or negative, remember that even if you lost your job, there were many things that went right for you and that you did, in fact, do right. Take stock of how you were successful and effective in your job. This will help you to feel better and to better represent yourself when looking for future work.
Learn from your mistakes: Again, without being defensive or negative, take an honest inventory of where you might have done better or what you might have done differently. Any “failed” situation provides us with new insights into how we might change our behavior to get better results. Yes, there are situation that are totally out of our control, but it can never hurt to consider how you might do things differently going forward.
Get support: You will need support in many ways to continue to move forward: emotional support from family and friends, professional development support in getting yourself ready to get back in the job market, networking support in contact the right people, and so on. Independence and self-isolation are not the same thing. You cannot do this alone and it is counterproductive to your empowerment and happiness for you to try. Embrace the resources around you!
Take action: There is a time to pause and a time to take action. If you want another job, you will benefit from creating an action plan and strategy for getting a new job and moving forward. When you take action you will feel more powerful and capable in your life. This will result in both short and long term gains.
Reframe: Is the sudden increase in your free time after the loss of your job a benefit or a detractor from your life? Is it possible that losing your job is actually freeing you to find something better? These are the kinds of reframes that empower you to take action and make change. As bad as things are, try to open to the potential positive impact of every situation. Ask yourself, what is the good that will come out of this?
Keep your Perspective: There is no doubt that losing your job is a life experience that most of us want to avoid. Nevertheless, it is an experience that many of us do have. If you find yourself in this difficult situation, it does not mean much of anything about who you are or what you are capable of. Keep your self-talk framed around “I lost my job, now what?” instead of “I lost my job, I am worthless.” Avoid making this experience mean more than it does.
Stay the course: If you have a difficult time finding work after losing your job, keep practicing this list of suggestions. Each of these practices will keep you feeling more powerful in your circumstance. Do not worry if you have a bad day. Just get back on track as soon as you can.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Mar 27, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
When we get hit with a challenging life event, it pushes us, boldly and forcefully, to change. But what about the rest of the time, when nothing is horribly or chaotically wrong? Without the big signposts of high-impact life events, how do you know when its time to change your life, and how do you start to actually take action? It might be a change in a daily activity or it might be a change in a big part of our life. Here are some clues that you are ready for a life change.
- Unfocused: Do you find yourself unable to complete an essential task, or spacing out while reading a book? Perhaps you need to pay attention to what you are not doing. What I mean is that sometimes we have difficulty focusing on an activity at hand because we are not attending to other parts of our lives. Have you had fun or spent time alone recently? If you’re having trouble focusing on daily activities, doing something you have not been fitting into your life might balance you out and increase your focus.
- Sleepy: Ok, so, sleepy is really just bored most of the time, but sometimes it is a sign of too much heaviness – you’re still carrying around things that no longer serve you. It is time to freshen things up! What is the new way that you can engage with whatever is boring you to tears? It could be an aspect of your work, it could be a new program that you started.. Find out if there is a fresh way of connecting to what you are doing, or just let it go. Drop the heavy!
- Grumpy: Are you feeling frustrated when you come to work, does the idea of picking up the phone and talking to that “friend” make you grumble like an old mountain man with a hound dog and a shotgun? When things are healthy they are also happy. The key is to figure out whether you need to let go completely or make smaller changes inside yourself so that you feel more in alignment with what you are doing.
- Overwhelmed: Are your cupboards a mess, do you have too much to do, or are you over stimulated by your life? Being overwhelmed is the experience of “too much,” or even chaos. You can even have too much of really good stuff because, in the end, too much is too much! So what can you weed out of your life so that you feel less overwhelmed and more at peace on a daily basis?
I help women take action when its time for a life change, so that they can start living the life they have always dreamed of. Click here to learn more about how to find happiness for yourself, with Dr. Kate\’s help.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Mar 23, 2016 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
There are events in which we lose something we never thought we’d lose: our perspective, our health, a loved one. These life-altering events can leave us reeling. In these moments it can seem that the world is an unfair place and we are at its mercy. Or perhaps we fail to judge the fairness of our situation and simply grieve that it’s happening.
In these moments we often grasp at what’s familiar. We try to negotiate a way to have and to hold what we previously held so dear. We fight, we deny, and we pretend that things have not changed. Yet, we can not un-know what we know – things are no longer the same.
These are the least peaceful times in our lives. This is when what we want to be and what is are at odds.
In his very powerful essay, David Whyte describes anger as our response to seeing something we held dear destroyed. This can be an idea, a relationship, or a state of being. Our anger states: “I have loved this and I’m not ready to let it go. I’m not ready to accept its fate. I’m not willing to accept my fate.”
When we approach the gravesite of what we once held dear, we are fraught with anguish. We want justice. We want to hold someone accountable. While others might be involved, they will never hold enough responsibility for the situation to appease our need for retribution.
We can keep fighting or we can be humbled by our humanity, by our intrinsic vulnerability.
We can find within ourselves a bravery that allows us to accept the ebb and flow of life. This kind of bravery sources its sense of peace from the practice of acceptance and not protection.
Protection is a strong and peculiar habit. We believe that we protect ourselves by cloaking our vulnerability and disappointment with anger, sadness, or avoidance. We convince ourselves that donning an outer armor is the only way that we can survive the inevitable heartache that comes with loss. But a shield expects an onslaught. Our protective gestures create the environment for a continual fight.
Conversely, acceptance is the fabric of a durable, permeable peace. It permits us to open to life, to allow for its expansion and contraction. It enfranchises us to give a rightful place to our anger and need to hold only as long as serves us. Most important, acceptance allows us to be remade again and again in the fire of what we believe we cannot bear. And this is where we find our peace.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 30, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Change is the only constant in life. Whether you want to change your life, or it happens on its own, change is inevitable. We often shy away from change because we fear the negative outcomes it sometimes brings, or we shy away from the adjustment that comes even with positive outcomes of change. Whatever the nature of our resistance, we\’re often unsure of how to work with change – or if we even want to.
It is natural to crave constancy in life. It seems like it would make things easier. The truth is that when we stop changing, we stop growing. And when we cease to grow we lose our mojo. We feel flat and wonder what the meaning of life is, anyway.
To live life to its fullest, we need to learn how to work WITH change – to adapt, flex, and even roll with the punches life throws our way. When we embrace change we get more of what we want from each and every moment.
This week\’s article is about how you can work WITH change and not AGAINST it.
The Wonderful Things That Happen When You Work WITH Change
Over two years ago, I left my marriage and with it the home I lovingly restored and the consistency I had developed in my relationship and in the rest of my life.
At first, I struggled. But then a curious thing happened. After I got through all the challenging emotions that come with a situation like that, my life opened up before me.
There\’s a saying: “freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.” While this is true, I\’d like to put a positive spin on this idea.
Because, in truth, my life opened up before me not simply because things changed, but because I WELCOMED the change.
Of course, there was some part of me that wanted to hold onto how things were “supposed to be.” I\’d come to view my life and my future in a particular way and I didn\’t want to let go of that vision. There was a part of me that wanted to assign a meaning to my divorce so that I could protect myself from future heartache and loss. Another part of me wanted to play the victim. I can tell you that none of these inclinations were helpful.
Acceptance Really is Your Greatest Ally
We come up with notions about what our life is supposed to be like. I call this the proverbial \”white picket fence\” syndrome. With \”white picket fence\” syndrome, we attach our ideas about what will make us happy to a particular thing, person or scenario. For me, this meant being in my relationship for the rest of my life and all that came along with it.
Yet, the more that we cling to this image of what our life should be like, the more we suffer. The fact of the matter is that right now, your life looks exactly as it\’s supposed to look. The uncertainty and doubt, the joy and passion, the tedium and boredom – these are all necessary sensations that make up the life you have in front of you. These feelings are, in a sense, information. And you can make a lot of decisions about what you want to do next with the information you have at hand.
When we look at the life we have before us – and not the one we trick ourselves into thinking we have – we\’re able to see what truly serves us. This perspective allows us to increase our happiness in infinite ways.
Change Calls for Brave Hearts
Unfortunately, most of us are entranced with the false idea that we\’re destined to “have what we want”. We\’ve mistakenly come to think of \”having what we want\” as a guarantee for enduring happiness. Sadly, this is not how things work. \”Having what we want\” is the net result of an ongoing and evolving effort through which we bring into our lives what works for us and strip away what no longer serves us.
There are times when life throws us a curve ball and we lose something we want or value. It\’s easy to clench up in these moments. It\’s understandable that we\’ll do just about anything to prevent uncomfortable feelings such as loss or grief. When unexpected change or loss occurs, we tend say to things to ourselves like I made a bad choice, I\’m never going to do that again, or – worse yet – I\’m not meant to have this thing I really want.
But what if you grew your tolerance for difficult emotions? What if you actively built your ability to shift into positive emotions? How might you respond differently to change with these skills at hand?
It\’s likely that you\’ve noticed that even in the most painful moments of your life you\’ve seen glimmers of potential happiness.
When we embrace change we also embrace the trust that we\’ll be able to withstand the pains that can come with change. The only constant in life is change. And yes, some of that change will be painful. But if we put courage in our heart, we can move confidently into change with the faith that even the worst of it can be traversed.
Freedom\’s Just Another Word for the Ability to Choose
Blame is many people’s favorite way to deal with the loss of what they want. People who blame others feel that if they hold someone else accountable they will somehow retain their sense of power.
However, this is not power, but rather a false sense of control. True power is the ability we have within ourselves to take charge of our own life and our own emotions.
This is the opposite of blame. This is accountability.
A wonderful thing happens when we know that we have the ability to make choices in our life. When we don’t like something – whether it\’s momentary or more chronic – we can change it. When we know on a deep level that we have the ability to make a new choice, and change our situation, we feel empowered.
This is why I get so excited about teaching personal development work. Because once people have a sense of their own power and gain the skills to navigate life, their life never looks the same to them again.
Change can feel overwhelming at times and there will be moments that challenge us like we never believed possible. But we can learn to embrace the changes that come our way. When we do this, our hearts, minds, and bodies feel lighter as each day passes. I help people achieve this lightness and empowered state every day through my Personal Breakthrough Intensive. Ready to transform your life? Click here to learn more.
by Dr. Heléna Kate | Oct 5, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Have you ever had the experience of finding yourself on a new path in life and suddenly you feel like you’re all alone? You’ve just stepped into a new version of yourself. You’re becoming more aware and you’re paying closer attention to the choices you’re making. Things that used to be your ‘norm’ no longer interest you, and creative ideas are manifesting more easily. You’re exploring new paradigms and experiencing next-level shifts. AND you’re probably feeling more inspired and alive than ever before.
Welcome to the Next Phase of Your Journey
This is just the beginning. As you progressively begin to rely less on purely logical levels of thinking, and shift toward trusting your inner sense of what feels right, you’ll experience greater clarity and a deeper knowingness. From that knowingness, a driving desire is born to explore whatever it is that you’re being drawn toward.
As you follow the breadcrumbs of internal guidance, you’ll find yourself taking action and making different choices. You may start to revel in awe at how your perception and life experience is changing. The energy builds on that and we keep moving in this newfound seemingly directionless direction. But …
But Wait! Where Did Everyone Go?!?!
It\’s often at this juncture that those new to the path encounter some emotional turbulence. This is a natural part of the integration process; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As your strides turn into quantum leaps, it can become challenging for others in your life to hang on. As a result, there are a few common things that tend to show up…
Sometimes the people in your life will start to tease and poke fun at your new path. Their joking may seem light-hearted, yet to the new trailblazer it may stir up some confusion, sadness, or anger. I mean, “Why can’t they just be happy for me?” It may not mean they don’t want to be supportive of the newfangled you; it could mean that they don’t know how to be supportive. This is new territory for them as well.
Another common occurrence is the realization that the people we were previously associating with aren’t ready to make the leap, so they start to fall away. At first you may perceive this as being a negative experience. “I’m losing all my friends! What is happening here? I’m becoming a better person and now nobody gets me.” (sad face) This can create feelings of emptiness, which may lead to more solitude. It\’s in this solitude that you lean more into that which is calling to you on a soul level, and you find some comfort there.
Here are a few tips for helping you to set your trajectory and maintain your momentum as if your life depends on it. Because it does.
5 Tips to Help You Through the Transition
- Intend clear passage. This is your path. What is right for you is what is right for YOU. We’ve all heard that perception is projection and that we create our reality. That which you go looking for, you are apt to find. That being said, set the intention for clarity of purpose and purity of heart as you journey ever more deeply into that which you seek.
- Listen to your inner guidance. Practice trusting your inner guidance and the art of detachment to outcome. Let go of specific ideas of how you, others, or the end result should look, sound, or feel like. The Universe rarely delivers in precisely the way we are imagining things. In some cases this is an incredible gift. Bottom line: be on the lookout for signs that you’re on the right track. You’ll recognize them when you feel yourself light up with excitement.
- Tend to mindfulness-based practices. Establish your Sadhana, a Sanskrit word that translates into a spiritual discipline undertaken in the pursuit of a goal. Eat food that is alive and nutrient-rich, exercise daily, take time for stillness and silence, acknowledge and be present with your emotions, choose your words carefully, and get lots of fresh air, clean water, and rest.
- Surround yourself with positive, successful people. It’s been said that we take on the qualities of the five people we spend the most time with. Be selective of who you are surrounding yourself with and make it a point to be connected with those who inspire you to keep learning, growing, and evolving. Anything less simply has to go!
- Don’t give up! There is nothing simple and easy about pioneering a new path. Personal development is tough work, but it’s also exhilarating and fulfilling work. In fact, it’s your only work. As someone who has charted my own course through both torrential downpour and golden sunsets, I can say for certain that, had I chosen the path of least resistance, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Now go out there and shine. Really shine! I’m rooting for you.
reblogged from Chopra Centered LifeStyle
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