by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 12, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What ever goes on within the confines of your mind will surely reflect on your outside actions. What does that mean? What you think about and how you think about them will determine the level of income you earn, the type of house you live in, the type of car you drive, the type of relationships you have, etc. Take a look at what you have right now. Everything that you have around you will tell you what type of thoughts you grant attention to.
This can make a real impact on your life. Since your most dominant thoughts will determine the type of actions you take which will determine the type of lifestyle you live, it would be best to expand your mind by learning all that you can. A person who only knows of working for wages cannot hope to attain the millionaire mark. But by learning and applying different and honorable ways to earn income, the chances of attaining such a mark increase. I know we all have thought, “I\’ve heard that before. It’s nothing new”. But that is precisely why so many people still work for wages and a small amount earn giant amounts of income. Because one may have heard helpful information before, doesn’t mean that one utilizes it.
It is not enough to just “know” about something. It’s useless if you don’t put it to practical use. Here is one secret to success: Listen from those who have gone to where you want to go (i.e. books, mentors, programs, seminars), apply those steps to your own venture, and leave nature no choice but to send success your way. This alone will entirely change the way you think. Therefore, changing your actions and creating a different set of results you wouldn’t have gotten if you didn’t apply the one secret to success. This also works on other aspects other than money. The bottom line: Expand your mind in the direction you want to go, exceed your limits, and create desired results.
Reblogged from the Success Coach Corner
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 10, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Most people like to think what they have to say is important. If you or I make the effort to share thoughts, feelings, or knowledge, then we want to believe the intended recipient is listening. But honestly, many people are too distracted to really take it all in when someone else is doing the talking. What\’s worse is that so many just watch mouths move, waiting for the chance to chime in.
Great leaders understand the value of active listening and get the most benefit from what others have to share. They understand that if you want to be heard and understood, the first step is learning how to listen yourself. The following are actions shared by those who truly know how to listen. Integrate them into your conversational behavior and you might be surprised what you learn.
1. Be present. Being \”in the moment\” is not just for yoga or Grateful Dead concerts. If you are going to take in what someone is saying, you have to truly focus your mental awareness on the person. Push distractions aside. Give a person the gift of your attention. Put down the smartphone, turn off your computer screen, put down the book or magazine, and look at him or her with a neutral or pleasant expression. Most people are so accustomed to having half of someone else\’s focus at any given moment that this gesture alone will make them feel important and it will allow you to actually hear what they are saying.
2. Turn down the inner voice. Internal analysis of any conversation is unavoidable and necessary, but often it\’s at the expense of objectivity. That voice can actually take over in your brain to the point at which you are no longer listening to the person talking and instead simply listening to the diatribe in your head. There is plenty of time after a conversation to assess the value of what you heard, but first you have to hear it. One technique for quieting the inner voice is simple note taking. Writing down even key words or short phrases will force you to absorb the information coming in. Then you can process it on your own outside the presence of the speaker. As an added benefit, you\’ll have a more accurate representation of what was actually said for later discussion.
3. Hold up a mirror. This is a technique many psychologists and counselors recommend to help alleviate conflict. When the opportunity arises, speak up and describe for the person what you have just heard him or her say. It is OK to rephrase in your own words. Be sure to end with a request for confirmation: \”So what you\’re most concerned about is that the new hires lack training. Is that accurate?\” The speaker then knows you are paying attention and fully engaged.
4. Ask for clarification. During a conversation, hunt for areas of interest where you might further inquire. Without derailing his or her train of thought, ask the speaker to expand and clarify: \”What do you mean by \’interesting?\’\” or \”Why do you think that is so important?\” The speaker will appreciate the interaction, and you will gain better understanding of the person\’s perspective as well as your own perception of the information.
5. Establish follow-up. At the end of any conversation, discuss and determine if there are action steps required. This check-in will alert speakers to your actual concern for what they said, and help them assess their own relevancy to your needs. Express appreciation for their sharing, and let them know what you found to be valuable from the conversation. Making them feel heard increases the odds they\’ll truly listen to you when you have something to say you believe is important.
reblogged from Inc.com. For more articles by Kevin Daum sign up here.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 7, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
This morning, I was on the phone with one of the most dynamic women I’ve ever met. We were talking about a joint venture based on her initial success with clients of a particular product she launched. She then uttered the words that I’ve heard time and time again from women, including myself:
“I’m just not sure that I’m credible enough yet to lead this. Have I done enough in the industry to show that I’m the right person to do it?”
And that, my friends, is the key to what holds us back. While it’s a generalization, of course, it’s one that I’ve seen throughout my career. Women remain steadily focused on competence, while men are focused on confidence. When offered an opportunity, we women wonder: ,”Am I good enough? Do I deserve this? Do I have enough expertise in this area?” While men, when offered that same opportunity, tend to jump up and volunteer — even when they don’t know what they’re talking about. They say yes first, and figure it out later.
Competence is an amazing and necessary thing. But, as you grow in your career, ask yourself if you’ve worked as hard on your confidence as you have on your competence. Granted, there’s no MBA in “confidence,” but it is a skill that most certainly can be taught.
Here are a few ways to build up your confidence:
1. Set a MVC metric.
Knowledge is key, but we often hide behind needing to “know more” before we act. What is the minimal amount of competence that you need on a subject before you can push forward? Figure out the Minimum Viable Competence (MVC) needed — then go get that. You can (and should) continue to learn, of course, but once you have MVC, it’s time to go for it.
2. Ask for feedback.
Look for people who are invested in you and ask them what it is about you that makes you great. It’s not fishing for compliments; it’s building your tolerance for hearing great things about yourself without cringing. Even better? Also ask for areas of improvement. Work on those, but don’t stop pushing forward as you’re doing that hard work. Learning how to take constructive feedback (both positive and negative) is vital.
3. Dream big.
Imagine what your life and career would be like if nothing was holding you back. No barriers, no politics, nothing. Write it down. Then ask yourself: Why on earth you are letting anything stand between you and what you really want? Aren’t you worth that dream? Aren’t you competent enough to execute against that dream? If not, why not? Find out if it’s an actual physical challenge — or if it’s just negative self-talk and lack of confidence that’s holding you back.
By the time I had finished my call with that brilliant young woman I spoke with this morning, we had hatched an idea for a business that will hopefully be a great success for her. It may, of course, fall flat on its face. But one thing is for sure: There’s nothing in the world holding her, or anyone else, back from just going for it.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 3, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
So, I spent some time last week up at Star and Snake, an artist retreat in NH that my sister is developing . I periodically need time to get away and reflect on events of my life and my desires for the future. It is part of how I stay on my A game for my clients and of course it is essential to my own well-being.
I noticed something while I was holed away in this beautiful environment with a fire roaring and torrential rain coming down. I noticed that there were some areas of mental hygiene that needed to be addressed. I am not sure to say whether I was surprised by this or not but I can say that I was pleased. I was pleased because as soon as I saw it I new right away what needed to shift. That is what I will be writing about today.
Before leaving for my retreat, a client mentioned that she had started listening to Abraham Hicks and that she was finding the messages to be helpful. This was the second client to say this to me in a short amount of time so upon arriving at my retreat , I downloaded some of their work to see why this was coming to me at this time.
In doing some editing on my upcoming book Apathy is Noxious, I reread a chapter in which I talked about determination. Specifically, I talked about my determination as a child. I said that staying focused and moving towards my goal was what was most significant and the outcome was actually never doubted.
Unwavering focus is definitely a key ingredient to creating what we want. For those of you familiar with Abraham Hicks you know that they are a big proponent of focusing on what you desire.
With these two pieces of information up front in my mind, I began to look back over the events of the last month or so. Was I focused on what I wanted?
I consider myself pretty skilled at holding positive intent, seeing possibility, and seeing opportunities. I make regular time to get clear on what I want from each day, week and year. AND, I saw some room for improvement.
What a gift to have this time and to have these nudges to get refocused in a way that serves me!
So, here is what I saw: There were a couple key areas where I was off my game. I had started to focus on problems rather than solutions. So, I did a little writing and got refocused on what I really wanted to create rather than the problems that distracted me.
That is my suggestion this week: What are the problems that you are paying too much attention to? Can you refocus on what you WANT instead of focusing on the problems themselves?
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 31, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
First the definition:
\”The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.\”
Now the word:
Grit.
The definition of grit almost perfectly describes qualities every successful person possesses, because mental toughness builds the foundations for long-term success.
For example, successful people are great at delaying gratification. Successful people are great at withstanding temptation. Successful people area great at overcoming fear in order to do what they need to do. (Of course that doesn\’t mean they aren\’t scared–that does mean they\’re brave. Big difference.) Successful people don\’t just prioritize, they consistently keep doing what they have decided is most important.
All those qualities require mental strength and toughness–so it\’s no coincidence those are some of the qualities of remarkably successful people.
Here are ways you can become mentally stronger–and as a result more successful:
1. Always act as if you are in total control.
There\’s a quote often credited to Ignatius: \”Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.\” (Cool quote.)
The same premise applies to luck. Many people feel luck has a lot to do with success or failure. If they succeed, luck favored them and if they fail luck was against them.
Most successful people do feel good luck played some role in their success. But they don\’t wait for good luck… or worry about bad luck… they act as if success or failure is totally within their control. If they succeed, they caused it. If they fail, they caused it.
By not wasting mental energy worrying about what might happen to you, you can put all your effort into making things happen. (And then if you get lucky… hey, you\’re even better off.)
You can\’t control luck, but you can definitely control you.
2. Put aside things you have no ability to impact.
Mental strength is like muscle strength–no one has an unlimited supply. So why waste your power on things you can\’t control?
For some people it\’s politics. For others it\’s family. For others it\’s global warming. Whatever it is, you care… and you want others to care.
Fine. Do what you can do: Vote. Lend a listening ear. Recycle and reduce your carbon footprint. Do what you can do. Be your own change–but don\’t try to make everyone else change.
3. See the past as valuable training… and nothing more.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your perspective. When something bad happens to you, see it as an opportunity to learn something you didn\’t know. When another person makes a mistake, don\’t just learn from it–see it as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn\’t define you. Think about what went wrong but only in terms of how you will make sure that next time you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
4. Celebrate the success of others.
Many people–I guarantee you know at least a few–see success as a zero-sum game: there\’s only so much to go around. When someone else shines they think that diminishes the light from their stars.
Resentment sucks up a massive amount of mental energy–energy better applied elsewhere.
When a friend does something awesome, that doesn\’t preclude you from doing something awesome. In fact where success is concerned birds of a feather tend to flock together–so draw your unsuccessful friends even closer.
Don\’t resent awesomeness. Create and celebrate awesomeness, wherever you find it, and in time you\’ll find even more of it in yourself.
5. Never allow yourself to whine. (Or complain. Or criticize.)
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems always makes you feel worse, not better.
So if something is wrong don\’t waste time complaining. Put that mental energy into making the situation better. (Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you\’ll have to make it better.)
So why waste time? Fix it now. Don\’t talk about what\’s wrong. Talk about how you\’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don\’t just serve as a shoulder they can cry on. Friends don\’t let friends whine; friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Focus only on impressing yourself.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all \”things.\” People may like your things–but that doesn\’t mean they like you.
(Sure, superficially they might seem to like you, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship not based on substance is not a real relationship.)
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you\’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
And you\’ll have a lot more mental energy to spend on the people who really do matter in your life.
7. Count your blessings.
Take a second every night before you turn out the light and in that moment, quit worrying about what you don\’t have. Quit worrying about what others have that you don\’t.
Think about what you do have. You have a lot to be thankful for. Feels pretty good, doesn\’t it?
Feeling better about yourself is the best way to recharge your mental batteries of all.
Reblogged from Inc.com.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 29, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I consider myself really lucky to have worked and studied with some truly great people. One of those people is Lin Morel. I can’t even tell you how many times she has saved my butt or gotten me back on track when I needed it with her innate wisdom.
One of the things that Lin has helped me with is learning how to trust my intuition even more. This has been a lifelong process for me. I rely on it so heavily in all that I do and yet I still sometimes find myself overriding it with my head. So, this week has been about hearing it and taking immediate action. I highly suggest this. One week might change your life!
We all have a little voice inside that tells us what we should do. And, if you are like most people you have also wondered whether that voice should be listened to or whether it is actually just fear, doubt, escapism or fantasy. (If you are new to the little voice inside it might help you to know that this “voice” can be a feeling, words, or even colors and tastes.) When we develop our ability to listen to this inner voice we gain a lot of power to navigate our way through the world. So, how can we develop it?
First let’s start to look at some things that people mistake for their inner voice:
Fear and Doubt: Fear and doubt are sneaky and they quickly jump in the way of our highest and best self and potential. They tell us that it was all a mistake. Or, that this could not really be the right way. Or, sometimes they just shut us down completely.
Escapism and Fantasy: These two feel good but they keep us looking for something other than what we have. They are usually used to avoid the hard work that we might need to do.
Now let’s look at what might help us hear that inner voice more:
When it is good it is simple and clear: A client and brilliant yoga instructor and therapist, Grace Dulude said on the phone with me today “You go in the direction of the energy.” If it is intensely fearful or intensely good that is where you want to go. Why? Because, the energy is drawing you to the next step.
Ok! Well, I think you might have a clue of how challenging that can be at times. Especially when we are feeling intense negative emotions like fear or anger but give it a try. You will find that you inner guidance is a powerful GPS for your success and fulfillment.
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