by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jan 4, 2015 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I am not really one for New Year resolutions. I kind of think I need to be continually making changes and improvements throughout the year. However, this year, I cleaned closets, rearranged my kitchen, brought stuff to the Salvation Army, AND, of course fit in some time for both relaxation and celebration. I am not sure what got into me. It just felt like the right thing to do –clear things out and make room for the new! So, I thought I would spend a little time talking about how to tell if there are things that need to be let go of in your life.
The fact is if we do not clean things out, whether they are our houses, our bodies, or our businesses, things start to fall apart. Sometimes, this is a relatively easy process like the falling of a leaf and other times what we do not let go of becomes like a bad smell in the refrigerator –difficult to find and getting more and more unpleasant every day. So, how can we know if it is time to clean house either actually or metaphorically?
Our emotions are keys to helping us know what needs to go. Once we start tuning into our emotions, then we have a powerful tool for keep all aspect of our lives clean. The following are some examples of emotions we might feel and what they might be telling us.
Grumpy: Are you feeling frustrated when you come to work, does the idea of picking up the phone and talking to that “friend” make you grumble like and old mountain man with a hound dog and a shotgun? When things are healthy they are also happy. The key is to figure out whether you need to let go completely or just make some kind of change inside yourself so that you feel more in alignment with what you are doing.
Unfocused: Do you find yourself spacing out while reading that book or unable to complete an essential task? Perhaps you need to pay attention to what you are not doing. What I mean is that sometimes we have a difficult time focusing on something we know we need to do or even under other conditions might want to do because we are not attending to other parts of our lives. Have you had fun or spent alone time recently? Doing something you have not been fitting in might balance you out and increase your focus.
Sleepy: Ok, so, sleepy is really just bored –most of the time. It is time to freshen things up! What is the new way that you can engage whatever is boring you to tears? It could be an aspect of your work, it could be a new program that you started. Find out if there is a fresh way of connecting to what you are doing or let it go.
Overwhelmed: Are you cupboards a mess, do you have too much to do, are you over stimulated by your life? Overwhelm is the experience of too much or even chaos. You can even have too much of really good stuff but in the end the too much becomes a problem. So what can you weed out of your life so that you feel less overwhelmed and more at peace on a daily basis?
If you like this topic and would like to hear more about it or even have a chance to ask some questions, tune in this Thursday, January 8th at 9am PST, 12pm EST for my radio show, Real Answers!
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 23, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Recently, in my Celebrity Expert spot that will be on CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX affiliates across the country, Bob Guiney asked me if people are put off by my tattoos. I said that my work is about being yourself and living fully. So, whether people like them or not they at least show I am walking my talk!
The world is constantly going to give us feedback about ourselves, some of which is bound to not be positive.
One of the things that I see happen to my clients is that they sometimes get caught up in the idea that since they want to improve themselves that means there is something wrong with the way they are now and they should try and change as quickly as possible. They take negative feedback from others as sign that this is true. This way of thinking is very logical but not very accurate.
There does not need to be anything wrong with a flower for it to closed for a time before it blooms, right?
Sometimes the best way to move forward is to actually love and accept where we are when we are starting. Today’s starting point, was after all, a desired destination at one point in time whether or not we were conscious of it. And, where we are headed will one day be what we are eager to leave behind.
Then, of course, there are those parts of our self that we don’t like that never seem to change at all. For example, I can’t spell and I am often late. These are not my favorite traits but I can either love them or hate them but they are more likely than not going to be hanging around for a bit.
When we are confronted with parts of our self that we just do not like, it is helpful to remember that we are multifaceted people and that our strengths may actually need our weaknesses to be what they are. Who ever came up with the idea we were supposed to be without flaws anyway? Everyone has them and somehow they are still viewed as something that needs to be fixed.
What would happen in your life if you decided it is ok to have your flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings?
One of the things that I always liked about the Greek gods is that they are all incredibly flawed. They were not powerful because they were perfect. They were powerful because that was the truth of who they were – flaws and all.
The best change comes from a loving unfolding of who we are in the world and a deep appreciation for the truth of who we are, every last bit of it.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 21, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
It is human to avoid. This trait probably even predates homo sapiens, by about a zillion years. The creatures who stayed in their holes in the ground survived, while the ones who ventured outside were eaten. It ain’t survival of the fittest. It’s survival of the most anxious.
The survival strategy of remaining frozen in your burrow clearly works to a point, but when used willy-nilly, it becomes hard to get anything done. It leads to that old bug-a-boo, procrastination. Freud’s favorite word, neurotic, can be defined as using a survival strategy after its outlived its usefulness. This genetic atavism leads to the number one problem that people present in my psychotherapy office: “I know what I should do – I even know what I wanna do – why don’t I do it?”
This monumental impediment and its fix, especially around creativity, is the subject of Steven Pressfield’s terrific little book, The War of Art.
Pressfield uses another old Freudian word to describe the problem: resistance. This progress-stopper has been called by lots of names: the gremlin, the devil, maleficent, the underminer, the underdog. Like anyone who has encountered the power of the thing that prevents us from writing that novel, inventing that app, working to end sexual abuse, or losing that fifty pounds, Pressfield knows that this is an uncanny force of indomitable strength, that by all appearances has a life of its own.
Pressfield tells us that the first thing we need to do to beat this damn thing is to acknowledge its existence and understand its power. Stay close to your friends, but get closer to your enemies, kind of thing. In pithy, compelling, powerful, and entertaining chapters, Pressfield does as good a job as anyone describing just what this nasty little demon is like. If you want to know what’s getting in your way, you’ll find the answer here.
The author then goes on to give us the solution. It’s also pretty simple: do it anyway. This requires, just in the beginning, feeling fear. Avoidance, or resistance, happens so we don’t feel the fear. Instead, we feel indifference, boredom, tiredness, laziness, or we come up with all kinds of excuses – my toenail itches, it’s too cold outside, my mother wasn’t nice to me – rather than feel the fear that actually doing something involves. So, if you take action, you will be scared. After all, you, in all probability, will screw up and fail. But who cares? It’s not like you are going to get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger.
Once you get through that hard part, and you devote yourself to the daily work come hell-or-high-water, then, Pressfield tells us, a miraculous thing happens. Other forces – benevolent forces – come to our aid. The devil has us if we are sitting on the couch with our fingers up our noses. But the minute we just start and practice, something like God comes to visit.
Here, Pressfield is right on. He tells us not to wait for passion or inspiration, because it isn’t there in the beginning. We don’t get it for free. Inspiration is a gift we receive for hard work. It comes long after we begin.
I’ve watched these powers at work over and over again in my own, and others, lives, and I’ve tried to enlighten my clients about this about every way I could think of. But Pressfield lays it out better than I can manage. The only part I don’t like is when he tells people not to go to therapy! Having tried every technique against this formidable foe, I accept that there’s no magic formula to what is gonna hit the magic button for someone.
Just buying the book, and even reading it, is no guarantee of getting the message. When that inner critic is in force, he can even snark out Pressfield’s sage advice. But don’t listen to that cigar chomping skeptic that sits on your left shoulder who tells you that Pressfield doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Pressfield isn’t somebody who found it all easy and just gets to lord it over us mortals with his elephant poop wisdom. It took Pressfield seventeen years to have his inner breakthrough. And when he did, at fifty-two, he finally sold something. He wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, which was turned into a movie directed by Robert Redford, starring Will Smith, Matt Damon, and Charlize Theron. Now, if that’s not a proof that miracles come to those who just keep doing it, I don’t know what is.
reblogged from www.glennberger.net Dr. Berger is a Dr. Berger is a psychotherapist, relationship counselor, business coach, artist coach, and young person\’s mentor.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 18, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Making a positive impact in the world starts with our everyday actions and with a deep sense of caring for our own lives. Here are 10 simple and profound steps you can take today.
1. Be kind and generous: In every moment of every day it is possible to change someone\’s life. Sometimes, it is as simple as just being kind. Whenever you have an opportunity to go the extra mile for someone – take it.
2. Be clear about what does and does not work for you: People cannot work with you if they do not know what you are all about. If you are always compromising yourself, you will not be as effective. Be honest and direct about what you are willing to take part in.
3. Be your full self: Holding back because you think that is what others want is not helpful to anyone. You would not be who you are if it was not needed. Expressing yourself authentically may cause waves at first, but in the end it will surround you with the people and circumstances that truly reflect your inner experience.
4. Let others be their full selves: The same goes for anyone else. If you think
others need to be different, you are wrong. Let people be who they really are.
If you don\’t like it, figure out how to work with it. One of the most generous and healthy things we can do is just let others be themselves.
5. Say thank you: People love to be appreciated. Let them know when you are grateful. When you do, you are more likely to keep receiving these positive things.
6. Look for ways to give back: Don\’t lose track of making a contribution. No
matter where you find yourself in your life, you can give back in a way that helps others.
7. Tip well and tip often: If you have money — and some might argue that this
is true even if you don\’t have money — make sure to support the people who Support the things you believe in: Purchase what you want to support.
Spend your time doing what you want to support. Talk about the things you want to support. You get the picture?
8. Care for your health: It is hard to be our best selves when we are under the weather or treating our bodies badly. When we are not taking care of our physical self it spills over to the rest of our life and then to the others around us. Conversely, when you care for your body you not only are inspiring example to others, you will have more energy to give back.
9. Really listen: Most people are not listened to enough. Pay attention to them and let them know they are important. When you really listen to others you increase your connection and consequently your appreciation of others.
10. Focus: Know what you want to create and how you can help others. Then do it. Most everything else is a waste of time.
Want more ways to make your life and the world around you change for the better? Write me directly at admin@projectspace.in and we can set up a time to talk about what next steps are right for you!
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 14, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I am writing you from 30,000 feet. It is 10pm and I got delayed. I should have arrived three hours ago. I’ve been doing a lot of travel this week and am hungry so naturally I am up here in the air thinking reflecting on unhappiness!
Clearly, the airline and airports made a few mistakes to get me here but the most bothersome part of the flight delay that let to my missing my next flight is that during the whole thing no one even showed an ounce of compassion. I swear they were all Zombies. I get it – airline employees deal with so many problems in the course of the day. But the degree to which these people were unhappy with their jobs and unhappy with me by proxy was astounding. So I want to focus this week on joy.
Emotional Zombies
At any given time, there can be one or more parts of your life that you are less than totally satisfied with. Some of this has to do with the continual changes that we are going through –what once worked now does not. However, sometimes we never had satisfaction to begin with.
If you do not take care of what is making you unhappy, you will find yourself shutting down more and more –turning into an emotional zombie. There are some rules of thumb when it comes to being a happier person that can never hurt for us to be reminded of.
Know that you are 100% responsible for your life –every last bit of it. It may seem like this is a recipe for misery but it is a crucial component in being happier in every moment.
Take care of the things that are not working for you. When your engine light comes on, if you do not take your car to the shop it is only going to get worse from there on. Your life is the same.
Be kind to people – including yourself. This is the reminder that I got from the people in the airport. Even if you are in a bad mood, do your best to find it in yourself to be authentically nice to all the people you encounter.
These three steps alone will help you feel more energetic, joyful, and help you feel alive as you go through your life.
Do you know that the above changes can make you happier but not sure HOW? Consider working with me and get the tools and support you need to create change! www.katesiner.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Dec 11, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Wow, I am really having a really busy time right now! I am writing this newsletter standing up at my kitchen counter scarfing down tangerines because I haven\’t had time for a real meal. I know that I am often talking about balance but sometimes regardless of what you do you still need to sprint at full speed and this is one of those times.
Not only is it the holidays but I am working on a finishing up an new image for my business, making my national network TV debut , and starting my own radio show. In case you have to ask, that is a lot of work! 2014 is going out with a BANG or maybe that is better said with a ZOOM.
What I am really grateful at when I am this busy is how well I am supported. Not just by others but also by myself. It has taken time to put my life together so that I can persist and thrive even when I am in such a busy time!
I know Thanksgiving was two weeks ago but there is never a time where gratitude is unimportant. Today I want to talk about gratitude for support.
This last Thursday I was at the Massachusetts Conference for Women. There were literally thousands of women in attendance and the message I kept hearing as I connected with people is \”It is so good to be here because I feel so much support.\”. I think most of us were on a high to see so many women stepping up for themselves and for the world and to feel that we are doing it together, each in our own way.
If you have every found yourself thinking that you did something all by yourself, whether you felt proud or lonely, you were wrong. While it is so important to acknowledge our own efforts, the bottom line is that we never succeed without the help of others. NEVER! As a matter of fact, there is really no aspect of our life that is untouched by another person.
That being said it might be helpful to take a moment and think about who is in our corner. Maybe it is time to let them know how grateful you are for their support. Take a few moments this week to go out of your way to notice the support you get from others and acknowledge them for their efforts.
I would like to lead by example:
First, a deep debt of gratitude goes out to my sister and right hand woman. Not only has she helped me advance my business but she is also a continual inspiration to me. I am certain I would not be the person I am today if she were not a part of my life –and I also forget many less appointments which simply cannot be overrated!
My second debt of gratitude is for my friends. It is a blessing to have the phone ring and hear a voice that has been a part of my life for years or even decades. Nothing beats laughing with someone who has seen you through both the good and the bad times.
Clearly that is just barely the beginning of a long list of people who have made my life what it is, made ME possible. As I said things are crazy busy and I am still standing here still writing this, finishing my tangerines. But now I am smiling. I may be busy and at moments stressed but I know I have the ability to face any challenge that comes my way because of my awesome support.
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