The difference between self-indulgence and self-care

by | Feb 20, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Regardless of how hard we try, life can intrude upon our best laid plans and we can lose our grasp on the activities that help keep us healthy and happy. Once off track, it becomes even easier to get more off track as each infraction depletes us until we no longer feel very good. Remembering what to do when we start to get off track to take care of ourselves is so important. Being able to discern between what might just feel good (self-indulgence) and what will truly get us back on track (self-care) is key.

What\’s the difference between self-care and self-indulgence?

There is a sneaky underbelly to self-care. Sometimes what we call self-care is actually self-indulgence, sabotage, or avoidance. How do we tell the difference between what honors and takes care of us and what might just be another reason we are not where we want to be.

Self-care is an activity that strengthens, nourishes, or develops who we are at our core. It supports us in the full expression of our essence. 
 Self-indulgence is something that feels really good but does not have additional benefits beyond feeling good. It is an activity that gives us momentary pleasure but does not move us in the direction of our full expression.




It does not so much matter what it is that we are doing as much as the effect that it is having on us. One person\’s self-care might be another person\’s self-indulgence. A self-care act one day might turn into self-indulgence if used too often.




How do I tell the difference between self-care and self-indulgence?

To be able to tell the difference, we need to develop our capacity to feel the difference. Just as we can taste the difference in food that has a high nutrient content and food that is relatively empty, we can begin to tell the difference between the activities that truly are self-care and those that are just nice distractions.
 As we practice acts of self-care we become more and more attune to what it really is and more adept at choosing what is in service of what we really want.




If you are uncertain about whether your actions are self-care actions, you can gain clarity by asking yourself the question: Am I getting closer to feeling the way that I want to feel or reaching the goals that I am trying to reach? If you can answer yes you are likely taking self-care actions. If your answer is maybe or no, then you are likely caught up in some kind of self-indulgence.




What can I do?

If you want to return to your self-care after a time of self-indulgence, connect in with the core of who you are and ask yourself what activities will strengthen, nourish or develop this essence. 

Take the next step and learn more!




Inspired self-care ideas

by | Feb 13, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Self care may be a buzzword today, but it hasn\’t always been. Even concepts of \”the self\” are relatively young to public understanding. So how do we capitalize on today\’s understanding of the self and practice self care in a way that will have the greatest impact?

According to author Caroline Myss, \”the self\” that we talk about today is an idea that emerged in the nuclear age. It wasn’t until the 1950\’s that psychology and psychoanalysis became commonplace ways of thinking about people and their behavior. In turn, the rich inner-life that we all experience became just as real as our outer-world.


This new way of thinking about \”the self\” ushered in the birth of self-care. Until the 1950\’s people didn\’t talk about self-care. They didn\’t think about balancing their everyday life demands with things that foster their well-being. Fast forward to today, and self-care is a multi-billion dollar industry and an everyday conversation.


I think that the conversation about self-care leaves out one major thing: and that\’s inspiration. Inspiration is more than just happening upon a clever idea. It expresses our creativity and forges a path to real change in ourselves and in our world. When you\’re inspired, you feel alive!

So how do we move beyond the self care suggestions to eat healthier and exercise more (good suggestions!) and learn more inspired ways to feed our spirit and nurture our soul? Get creative, and get in touch with YOU.

Feeding your soul is self-care. Self-care is all about honoring and caring for yourself in ways that matter most. When you\’re able to practice inspired self-care your life becomes less of one huge to-do list and more of a field of abundant meaning and joy.

So take a look at the ways that you feel most enriched, and then put some real time and creative energy into creating some inspired self care practices for yourself. To get you started, here are 4 easy, rich, and deep ways YOU can bring more inspired self-care into your life.

Write a poem about someone you care for.

Inspiration is within reach most of the time. So, cozy up to your inner-bard and write a poem about your partner, your child, or a good friend. See if you can capture what you love about them in this expressive form. If you brainstorm adjectives, qualities, or feelings you associate with this person, you\’ll quickly create phrases that inspire you.

Notice the tiny, beautiful details and riff on them.

Say you\’re sitting at home or taking a walk through your neighborhood. Look around you, and free associate with what you see. For example, if you see thin blades of long grass growing by a wall, maybe they remind you of a time when you saw a piece of beautiful graffiti on a wall with grass just like that. Perhaps the grass near the wall reminds you of the eerie beauty and loneliness of neglected things. Let yourself wander into your thoughts. You\’ll be amazed where you wind up!

Create the most luxurious and perfect experience, FOR YOU.

If your version of self-care is to take a bath, a walk in the woods, or get a massage, then it\’s time to take it up a notch. Make a decadent, fantastic, and — yes — inspired experience for YOURSELF. Try new things. Mix and match your experience. Take a bubble bath with candlelight, wine, chocolate, the smell of jasmine, and opera music. Or, walk in the woods bundled in soft fabrics singing a song to yourself and noticing how the light hits things.

Give an impromptu gift that will make someone\’s day.


Tap into your inspiration and find something – or make something – that will let another person know how special they are to you. When you think about bringing pleasure to someone else’s life, you naturally think creatively and playfully about what\’s in the world and how to use it. And even better, when you give a gift your heart opens up and you feel satisfied on a deeper level.


It\’s too easy to let days slip by while we\’re distracted from what matters most. So challenge yourself to spend an hour each week doing one of these activities. It won\’t take long before you\’ll feel more inspired and your spirit will feel more nourished. Help remind yourself by printing out this list of ideas!

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Self-care ideas for success

by | Feb 6, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog, Uncategorized

Self-care helps me succeed and bring my best self to my work with you. I love what I do and all the lives I touch, but there is no denying that my job can sometimes be intense and draining. I put large portions of my self into my clients, my business, and my loved ones, which, if I\’m not careful, leaves little time for me. After years of working without adding self care to my life mix, I realized that if I didn’t take care of myself one of two things would happen: either I was going to compromise my health or I was going to compromise my results in my business.

Self-care became my battle cry and I am now a steadfast devotee. Through practice, I\’ve come to understand that, although practicing self-care can sometimes be difficult to fit into a busy day-to-day schedule, it\’s merits are undeniable and necessary. When I made my practice of self-care a priority, both my health and my ability to get better results in my business increased. This was a win-win for my life. My strongest suggestion to help you be your personal best is: Self Care, Self Care, Self Care! Let yourself succeed. Self Care is an investment in your personal resources. Whether the achievement of your goals requires a lot or a little of your resources, you need to take care of your most important tool – yourself.
 Here is a list of 10 self care techniques you can use to be your personal best.


  1. Move Your Body + Feed Your Body:

    Movement and nutrition are essential to self care. Learn to lovingly and joyfully move your body. Dance, do yoga, stretch, walk or engage in more vigorous exercise. Feed yourself everything your body needs to be healthy. If you’re not sure what this is, start by drinking more water and eating more greens.



  2. Spend Time in Nature and with Animals:

    Both of these experiences have a positive effect on our overall wellbeing. They help us de-stress and relax. Animal’s playful and loving ways do wonders for our moods. And taking a walk in the woods can help us feel connected to the larger world. If you can’t get outside, get a plant, or two or three.



  3. Unplug and Watch Less TV:

    We’re wired 24/7 these days. We wake up and almost immediately look at our smartphone or TV. If you haven’t already put yourself on a technology diet, I’d suggest doing so. Limiting the amount of time you spend looking at screens can have a fabulous effect on your quality of life.



  4. Be Less Negative and Spend Less Time Around Negative People:

    It takes two to tango. If you’re in a negative mindset, then chances are the people around you are too. Take some time to work on your mindset first. Bring more positivity into the way you think and speak. Then choose to be around people who reflect your new mindset, whether they are new acquaintances or not.



  5. Let Go of Grudges:

    Nothing pulls your well-being down more than un-cleared anger and resentment towards others. The only person suffering from your negative thinking is you. People can be short-sighted and can sometimes make mistakes. Yet, holding onto the mistakes of others is the biggest mistake of all.



  6. Spend Time with Awesome Friends:

    Spending time with people you love and doing fun things with them – especially things that include lots of laughter – is a wonderful way to relax and connect two important aspects of self care.

    7. 


  7. Mental Hygiene:

    Obsessive thinking and worry are so commonplace that people think it’s normal to act and feel these ways. While common for sure, these are not healthy patterns. Learn to stop yourself when your worry or catastrophic thinking gets the better of you. Simply say stop and focus your mind on something more pleasant or productive.



  8. Make A Difference:

    Being of service is a powerful way to bring good feeling and wellbeing into your life. Service to others gives us a sense of purpose in the world. So, take a weekend to volunteer at a food bank, community garden or your local Habitat for Humanity. You’ll put some good juju in the world.



  9. Emotional Hygiene:

    Sometimes you just need to tend to your emotional backlog. If you have a lot of built up emotion or if you’ve been dealing with a lot of stress, the best self care might actually be to throw a fit. Lie down on your bed and kick and hit the mattress with your arms and legs. Scream if it feels right. You’ll feel like a million bucks afterwards.



  10. Gratitude:

    Nothing changes your attitude like gratitude. Take a moment every day to write or state at least three things that you’re grateful for. So many of us have so much to be thankful for. Remember this is a form of self care.

Bonus content

Download or print out this handy list and tack it somewhere you will see on the daily!

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3 Great Reasons to Live in Truth

by | Jan 30, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Reason #1: The Truth Keeps You in Integrity

Oh, what tangled webs we weave! If the purpose of personal growth is to see ourselves and others clearly, then lies definitely get in the way. When we lie, we get out of integrity with ourselves. We could almost say that we lose a piece of ourselves in the process of lying.

Reason #2: The Truth Connects You

Some people like to convince themselves that small lies don\’t really hurt anyone. But what is the real price of being dishonest? Distance. When we are dishonest with others it is like saying we don\’t want to see a part of someone or we don\’t want them to see a part of us. It is a judgment that the other person is not strong enough to deal with the reality of things — or that we aren\’t, either.

Reason #3: The Truth Makes You Money

I think it is safe to say we are all sick of hype and distortions of the truth that are in our face every single day. The bottom line is that, no matter what you do for a living, being truthful earns you big points with others. If you tell the truth, people can count on you — not to be sold to — but to help them make the choices they need to make to get what they want.

Why You Should Learn Your Personal Truth

by | Jan 23, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Living your personal truth is the key to success in your personal development. Knowing what you want is only part of the process of living the life that you dream of. True life transformation begins when you can start to translate what you want into radical honesty in each moment – honesty with yourself and with everyone in your life. In order to harness this radical honesty, we must connect with our deeper self and uncover our personal truth.

When we live an “unconnected life” (that is, unconnected to our deeper self, our core, our personal truth), what we understand to be “our truth” is nothing more than our ego’s petulant desires. When we live a connected life, our deep truth guides us to live an aligned life by providing us with signs and signals along the way. Our job is just to listen to these signals and act accordingly. When we do, our life becomes infinitely more fulfilled.

Our emotional state is one of the best cues that we have about whether or not we are living our personal truth. However, our emotions only reflect a path for our true selves if they are tied to the present moment, independent of any other baggage we might be carrying. When we are aware of the feeling of liking something, we learn it is in alignment with our deeper truth. When we are aware of our feelings of discomfort, we learn that something is off, that we are somehow not in alignment with our deeper truth.

The most important part of connecting with your personal truth is listening – listening to yourself and then adjusting what you are doing to bring yourself into a place of alignment with your truth.

The challenge to trying to live your personal truth occurs when speaking your truth brings loss or pain. Our fearful ego interprets this loss or pain as punishment for a bad or unhealthy choice we have made, and pushes us to revert the change or avoid future ones. The truth is that pain and loss are a natural part of change.

At times, the transformation that comes when you start to live your personal truth includes letting go of the old to make room for things you desire in the here and now. For example, when you speak your needs in a relationship, you risk not having them met. When you are honest with yourself about your work not being satisfying, you may realize that it\’s time to look for new work. Your ego responds to the immediate pain of this sort of situation without taking into account the freedom and growth that come next. If you are able to challenge your ego’s fearful, knee-jerk response to transformation, you will be able to create real change for yourself.

Your truth can change everything around you. Learn how to speak and share your heart with the world, even when it is challenging, and tap into the profound strength that comes from this practice. If you need help learning your truth or practicing it, I can help you. My Personal Breakthrough Intensive is a great way to clear a path to living your truth. Click here to learn more.

6 Ways to Live from Your Core

by | Jan 16, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Connecting with your core is the key to your empowerment through choice. “Make a decision,” is a crippling command for many. When your mind is presenting dozens of different scenarios, how can you know which is the right way to move forward? Learning to connect with your core allows you to tune out the white noise of ego, doubt, and distraction, freeing you to clearly assess your options and make an empowered, conscious choice in any scenario.

When you are more connected to your core, your path forward seems clearer, you feel happier and more at peace, and you are able to have a more positive impact. Think about it this way; would you rather make your decision from a place where you are doing what you think you should do, where you are angry or fearful, or where you are in contact with the highest truest part of yourself? Yep, me too. Below, I have outlined 6 ways to connect with your core.

1. Challenge your Mask

Most of the time we walk around in the superficial part of our selves – the mask. In fact, many people don’t even know that is where they are living from. You can challenge you mask by asking if what you are thinking or feeling is actually true or if it might be able to be viewed from a different perspective. The work of Byron Katie does a wonderful job of challenging the mask and reconnecting people with a deeper part of themselves.

2. Express your Lower Self

We might want to pretend that this part of us is not even there at times. The whole reason it is the lower self is that it was shunned and shut down—deemed socially unacceptable—but it needs to have its time as well. When we learn to connect with and safely express our lower self, we gain a ton of energy and are much less likely to leak out our negativity in unconscious ways.

3. Do things you love

It is a very simple fact that if you do more things you love you feel happier, more fulfilled, and more at peace. The trick is to know if you REALLY love what you are doing or if you have just adopted it because it is socially acceptable. So, pay attention. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book Flow. This book states that when we are doing things we truly love we experience things like time “flying” because we are so engrossed in what we are doing.

4. Get inspired

From a beautiful painting to a sublime piece of music, we connect with our core when we are inspired. This effortless way of returning to our core can be used frequently through our days and weeks to nurture this connection.

5. Know your values

When we are in integrity with ourselves, we are more connected to the core of who we are. One of the things that I teach in my programs is that there are no methods or rules that guarantee a person fulfillment and success because each one of us needs to create a life and or business that is in alignment with who we are at a deep level and our values help us do this.

6. Return to love

The most challenging and most profoundly life-changing strategy for connecting with your core is simply returning to love when you have left it behind. This requires that you are experienced enough with feeling deep love and that you are aware enough to switch gears at will. This is also a central teaching in my work. I believe that as people learn to do this their lives becomes infinitely better.

The most important part of this is remembering to pay attention to where you are coming from so that you can apply these tools and reconnect with your core self. You can also download this pretty infographic and place it somewhere you will see it everyday, to help remind you of your focus.

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