by Dr. Heléna Kate | Aug 3, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
So, I spent some time last week up at Star and Snake, an artist retreat in NH that my sister is developing . I periodically need time to get away and reflect on events of my life and my desires for the future. It is part of how I stay on my A game for my clients and of course it is essential to my own well-being.
I noticed something while I was holed away in this beautiful environment with a fire roaring and torrential rain coming down. I noticed that there were some areas of mental hygiene that needed to be addressed. I am not sure to say whether I was surprised by this or not but I can say that I was pleased. I was pleased because as soon as I saw it I new right away what needed to shift. That is what I will be writing about today.
Before leaving for my retreat, a client mentioned that she had started listening to Abraham Hicks and that she was finding the messages to be helpful. This was the second client to say this to me in a short amount of time so upon arriving at my retreat , I downloaded some of their work to see why this was coming to me at this time.
In doing some editing on my upcoming book Apathy is Noxious, I reread a chapter in which I talked about determination. Specifically, I talked about my determination as a child. I said that staying focused and moving towards my goal was what was most significant and the outcome was actually never doubted.
Unwavering focus is definitely a key ingredient to creating what we want. For those of you familiar with Abraham Hicks you know that they are a big proponent of focusing on what you desire.
With these two pieces of information up front in my mind, I began to look back over the events of the last month or so. Was I focused on what I wanted?
I consider myself pretty skilled at holding positive intent, seeing possibility, and seeing opportunities. I make regular time to get clear on what I want from each day, week and year. AND, I saw some room for improvement.
What a gift to have this time and to have these nudges to get refocused in a way that serves me!
So, here is what I saw: There were a couple key areas where I was off my game. I had started to focus on problems rather than solutions. So, I did a little writing and got refocused on what I really wanted to create rather than the problems that distracted me.
That is my suggestion this week: What are the problems that you are paying too much attention to? Can you refocus on what you WANT instead of focusing on the problems themselves?
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 31, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
First the definition:
\”The ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure and adversity; the inner quality that enables individuals to work hard and stick to their long-term passions and goals.\”
Now the word:
Grit.
The definition of grit almost perfectly describes qualities every successful person possesses, because mental toughness builds the foundations for long-term success.
For example, successful people are great at delaying gratification. Successful people are great at withstanding temptation. Successful people area great at overcoming fear in order to do what they need to do. (Of course that doesn\’t mean they aren\’t scared–that does mean they\’re brave. Big difference.) Successful people don\’t just prioritize, they consistently keep doing what they have decided is most important.
All those qualities require mental strength and toughness–so it\’s no coincidence those are some of the qualities of remarkably successful people.
Here are ways you can become mentally stronger–and as a result more successful:
1. Always act as if you are in total control.
There\’s a quote often credited to Ignatius: \”Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.\” (Cool quote.)
The same premise applies to luck. Many people feel luck has a lot to do with success or failure. If they succeed, luck favored them and if they fail luck was against them.
Most successful people do feel good luck played some role in their success. But they don\’t wait for good luck… or worry about bad luck… they act as if success or failure is totally within their control. If they succeed, they caused it. If they fail, they caused it.
By not wasting mental energy worrying about what might happen to you, you can put all your effort into making things happen. (And then if you get lucky… hey, you\’re even better off.)
You can\’t control luck, but you can definitely control you.
2. Put aside things you have no ability to impact.
Mental strength is like muscle strength–no one has an unlimited supply. So why waste your power on things you can\’t control?
For some people it\’s politics. For others it\’s family. For others it\’s global warming. Whatever it is, you care… and you want others to care.
Fine. Do what you can do: Vote. Lend a listening ear. Recycle and reduce your carbon footprint. Do what you can do. Be your own change–but don\’t try to make everyone else change.
3. See the past as valuable training… and nothing more.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your perspective. When something bad happens to you, see it as an opportunity to learn something you didn\’t know. When another person makes a mistake, don\’t just learn from it–see it as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn\’t define you. Think about what went wrong but only in terms of how you will make sure that next time you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
4. Celebrate the success of others.
Many people–I guarantee you know at least a few–see success as a zero-sum game: there\’s only so much to go around. When someone else shines they think that diminishes the light from their stars.
Resentment sucks up a massive amount of mental energy–energy better applied elsewhere.
When a friend does something awesome, that doesn\’t preclude you from doing something awesome. In fact where success is concerned birds of a feather tend to flock together–so draw your unsuccessful friends even closer.
Don\’t resent awesomeness. Create and celebrate awesomeness, wherever you find it, and in time you\’ll find even more of it in yourself.
5. Never allow yourself to whine. (Or complain. Or criticize.)
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems always makes you feel worse, not better.
So if something is wrong don\’t waste time complaining. Put that mental energy into making the situation better. (Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you\’ll have to make it better.)
So why waste time? Fix it now. Don\’t talk about what\’s wrong. Talk about how you\’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don\’t just serve as a shoulder they can cry on. Friends don\’t let friends whine; friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Focus only on impressing yourself.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all \”things.\” People may like your things–but that doesn\’t mean they like you.
(Sure, superficially they might seem to like you, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship not based on substance is not a real relationship.)
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you\’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
And you\’ll have a lot more mental energy to spend on the people who really do matter in your life.
7. Count your blessings.
Take a second every night before you turn out the light and in that moment, quit worrying about what you don\’t have. Quit worrying about what others have that you don\’t.
Think about what you do have. You have a lot to be thankful for. Feels pretty good, doesn\’t it?
Feeling better about yourself is the best way to recharge your mental batteries of all.
Reblogged from Inc.com.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 29, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
I consider myself really lucky to have worked and studied with some truly great people. One of those people is Lin Morel. I can’t even tell you how many times she has saved my butt or gotten me back on track when I needed it with her innate wisdom.
One of the things that Lin has helped me with is learning how to trust my intuition even more. This has been a lifelong process for me. I rely on it so heavily in all that I do and yet I still sometimes find myself overriding it with my head. So, this week has been about hearing it and taking immediate action. I highly suggest this. One week might change your life!
We all have a little voice inside that tells us what we should do. And, if you are like most people you have also wondered whether that voice should be listened to or whether it is actually just fear, doubt, escapism or fantasy. (If you are new to the little voice inside it might help you to know that this “voice” can be a feeling, words, or even colors and tastes.) When we develop our ability to listen to this inner voice we gain a lot of power to navigate our way through the world. So, how can we develop it?
First let’s start to look at some things that people mistake for their inner voice:
Fear and Doubt: Fear and doubt are sneaky and they quickly jump in the way of our highest and best self and potential. They tell us that it was all a mistake. Or, that this could not really be the right way. Or, sometimes they just shut us down completely.
Escapism and Fantasy: These two feel good but they keep us looking for something other than what we have. They are usually used to avoid the hard work that we might need to do.
Now let’s look at what might help us hear that inner voice more:
When it is good it is simple and clear: A client and brilliant yoga instructor and therapist, Grace Dulude said on the phone with me today “You go in the direction of the energy.” If it is intensely fearful or intensely good that is where you want to go. Why? Because, the energy is drawing you to the next step.
Ok! Well, I think you might have a clue of how challenging that can be at times. Especially when we are feeling intense negative emotions like fear or anger but give it a try. You will find that you inner guidance is a powerful GPS for your success and fulfillment.
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 27, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
What does it mean to be on your path? What does it mean to have a sense of deep purpose? A person who is connected to their life\’s intentions does not do good because of sheer willpower. They do it through a combination of humility and faith connected to something beyond just themselves … they hitch their wagon to a higher meaning, which is a power more powerful than self-will.
Such a person is at ease with the essential goodness of life in spite of in the tumult of daily life, with all it\’s burdens and setbacks, because they have connected the spark of goodness in themselves with the universal goodness inherent in every atom or creation.
Such people become a Gandhi or a Nelson Mandela or a Rosa Parks or YOU. This is the soil on which greatness gives birth.
reblogged from quora.com
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by Dr. Heléna Kate | Jul 24, 2014 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog
Have you ever noticed how stressed most people seem to be on a regular basis? People are tired, burnt out, and mentality fried. This is something that is completely avoidable. I believe a large reason why this occurs is people possess a “have to” mentality. They really don’t want to be doing something be feel obligated or burdened. They “have to” do it. This week we’re going to discuss why life would be a lot more enjoyable if we all possessed a “get to” mentality.
First, lets talk about having kids. Too often it seems as if parents “have to” do something with their kids. We have a pretty cool neighborhood pool for kids, it has water slide, lazy river, swings, fountains, and lap pool. I take my three-year old son up there quite regularly and we have a blast playing in the pool. What’s sad is that I notice too many parents at the pool who possess the “have to” mentality. They have to take their kids there. These are the parents who don’t pay attention to their kids as they sit and gossip with other parents, sunbathe, or play on phones. My mentality is that I “get to” take my son to the pool and play. Right now it’s cool for him to spend every minute playing in the water with dad, especially repeatedly dunking me under water! I cherish those moments. I “get to” have them.
It’s important as parents that we maintain this “get to” perspective. My wife and I were talking about this the other day about our two-week old son. Right now we are in the middle of three-hour sleep shifts and feedings throughout the night. But it’s like the Darius Rucker song; It Won’t Be Like This For Long. Things change so quickly, time flies by, and the time will come too soon when our boys are all grown up and out of the house. It’s important to remind ourselves of this when our child wants to read the same book, watch the same movie, play with same toy over and over again. We are going to miss those precious moments when they’re a teenager and those things are not cool anymore. Whether it’s late night feedings, cuddling and tucking in at bedtime, we need to cherish those moments while having the “get to” mentality.
We can apply the same “get to” mentality with work. Too many people are unhappy with and dread going to their jobs. I’ve never really understood this; if you’re unhappy, do something about it. Change your job or career path. People should be more thankful for being physically and mentally able to work. There are many people who are not so fortunate throughout the world. They’d gladly trade positions. Many people struggle to pay bills and feed their families. If you’re able to do this comfortably you’re one of the lucky ones. When we adopt the “get to” mindset with work it will take us to new heights. Our energy, outlook, focus, and production will all improve. I love teaching and coaching. It’s not something that feels like a job. It’s not I “have to” go to work, it’s I “get to” go to work.
One of the guarantees that we all have in life is facing obstacles. At some point in our lives we all will face hardships. The difference between those who overcome them and those who don’t is all in how the obstacle is approached. If we use the “get to” mindset we can see an obstacle as an opportunity for self-improvement. A setback will be seen as an opportunity for a comeback. We will only see this hardship as a bump in the road and not the final destination. By using the “get to” approach we come out better, stronger, and more confident through overcoming the challenge.
The great thing about sports is that no matter the sport, this lesson can and should be taught at all levels. As coaches, we can make a positive impact on the world by teaching our athletes to attack everything with the “get to” mindset. Those who have it will be the most successful.
reblogged from Kyle Elmendorf\’s coaching blog.
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