How to Change Your Life Story Through Increased Awareness

by | Oct 23, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

It\’s ok if you haven\’t always known how to change your life story, or even what your life story is. At 15 years old, I was a mess. I was exceptionally miserable, smoking, drinking, and dabbling in drugs. Perhaps, some of you can relate? For me, on any particular day I could be sobbing in the bathroom, cutting myself, contemplating suicide, or just being plain reckless. I wish I could say that the despair started at 15, or ended then, but if I go back in my mind I can find it starting in my early childhood, and it lasted years later.

There are many ways that pain like this gets categorized: The histrionics of an adolescence, an uncommon experience of an unfortunate individual, growing pains (*rolls eyes*)… However you define it, my 15 year old self could not cope. For me, my pain became the story that guided the first part of my life. Learning how to change your life story is a skill that takes practice and it\’s something you need to truly want. Here’s what I learned from my own experience of channeling my awareness to wake up and change my story to one of happiness, abundance, and purpose.

How to recognize the problem

The first question is how did it happen in the first place?

What happened to me happens to many people. Repeatedly and systematically, I was told that my instincts were wrong, that my emotional responses were bad, that my way of being was unacceptable. I was told I needed to think a certain way to be smart. I needed to feel a certain way to be good. I needed to talk a certain way to be accepted. My life became a series of acts, transactions, and obligations. I was disconnected from my own truth.

My experience is not unique and this was not done to me out of cruelty. In fact, sometimes it was done by people who were trying their best to be loving and supportive. Collectively, we lack the broad knowledge of essential tools that help people create a personal experience that truly serves them. Instead, we default to a misguided status quo as if every individual would be fulfilled by meeting cookie cutter expectations and norms. It is very rare that anyone tell you, in the midst of your formation, that you can learn how to change your life story.

Unfortunately, by the time most people have reached the end of their childhood they have little idea of who they are, negligible emotional intelligence, and a profoundly deep belief that they need to be another person to be loved. We feel this way at the culmination of our “formative years.” We learn to compensate for what we have come to believe are our shortcomings and weaknesses – we act the part to get by. Most of us forget that there is an alternative.

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How to change your life story

Our limiting story has to be put into place.

Our first step in using awareness to change our life story is to begin to wake up to what is meaningful and enjoyable to us. It starts by pursuing a life where details large and small are things that are meaningful to us. We define what is “meaningful” through a process of personal inquiry into who we truly are. Giving ourselves this approach to life is a sign of love and respect.

As we begin to live in a way that feels right to us, we begin to uncover our own gifts. Often, these gifts have been covered over by the conditioning of our earlier lives. Many times, when we unpack what we thought was our fatal flaw we discover a powerful gift and a major part of our contribution to the world.

Our actions help us become more aware, they shift what we believe about ourselves and what we think is possible.

It is in this way that so much of who we are goes unrealized and our potential power to create our own wellbeing and positive change gets lost. Some of our seemingly meaningless quirks have a productive and positive application, we just need to wake up enough to begin looking for it. When we do, we feel better about ourselves and we begin to make a more positive contribution to the world.

ACCEPTANCE AND FORGIVENESS

Practicing forgiveness and acceptance is the key to changing our story. Acceptance and forgiveness are for both for ourselves and for others. It only takes a few trips to a therapist or an in depth writing exercise to become aware of our story. It takes a little more time to see how we keep ourselves on the hook and to begin the process of giving self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Many people never develop this foundational respect for themselves and instead mask it with things like accolades, egoism, or bitterness.

Likewise, we cannot truly move forward until we have accepted the events of our lives and forgiven the people who we believe have hurt us. If we can become more aware of where we are holding onto past hurts, we can release them and liberate ourselves to create an entirely different narrative.

SELF-LOVE

The third awareness tool for changing our story is self love. As we become aware of what true self-love looks and feels like and learn to live it more in each moment, we begin to see our story differently and to envision an alternative story that better suits us.

When our self-love is strong enough, we are able to face the painful challenges of life. We are able to learn from what is happening and apply it to our life in a way that makes us stronger and more ourselves. As a result, we change the narrative.

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Next Steps

Apply the wisdom that gets developed when living life from a place of self love and acceptance.

This wisdom can be applied to every moment of our lives. Our developed ability to hold ourselves in a place of love and take affirming action in the face of opposition has the power to transform our world. If we no longer negate ourselves or feel the need to justify and rationalize our pain, if we are able to act constructively when faced with the obstacles of life, if we are able to remember that we are the critical change agent of each moment, then what we can accomplish individually and collectively is without parallel.

Each day holds countless moments in which we can shift things in the direction of the positive, in which we have the opportunity to leave the past and create something powerful and new moving forward. I did it and I can help you if you want to learn how to change your life story. To learn more click here to sign up for my newsletter.

How to Easily Increase Your Monthly Income

by | Oct 17, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Whether you are already trained to work with people, or you are curious if coaching might be a good addition to your day job, learning how to coach people can be the key to your financial prosperity. Adding coaching to whatever you do is an easy way to increase your monthly income.

HOW COACHING CAN HELP YOU INCREASE YOUR MONTHLY INCOME

Even if you have no intention of ever calling yourself a Coach, learning to coach will help you gain fundamental interpersonal skills so that you can be better at whatever we are doing –parenting, sales, managing coworkers, or facilitating healing or transformational work. Developed from foundational helping skills from the field of psychology, Coaching teaches us how to best facilitate our interactions with others when we are trying to assist them.

Coaching skills will help you be more successful in almost any situation – in life or at work. If it seems like everyone you know is becoming a coach, it is because they are tuned into the opportunities that integrating coaching into their lives can open for them and they are pursuing them.

When I first started my career as a personal development coach, I added coaching to my healing and helping practice and it set me on the path to the success I have today. Learning how to coach opens the door for more success and better results. Increase your monthly income, strengthen your conflict-management skills, and boost your marketability by becoming a Coach.

YOU HAVE THE ABILITY, YOU JUST NEED THE TRAINING.

The best thing about learning to coach is, you already have ½ the toolkit! Being a coach is founded in human experience and the ability to listen. Coaching training helps us realize how our human experience can best be used to help guide others. It teaches us how to listen more effectively so that we can better understand how to be of assistance.

You need that other ½ of the toolkit to really be effective. You need to learn the do’s and don’ts of the foundational strategies of coaching so that you can easily move past your own limitations to understand your client’s process. The second ½ of the coaching toolkit is about training your natural ability so that you can get the best results possible.

Life coach training teaches you how to build structure into your work with others and how to convert this structure into financial success. If you are already working with others in a helping/healing capacity, coaching helps you make this work more accessible and effective. First, because it helps you qualify the results that you can get for your clients and second because when it is joined with business acumen, it allows you to see how to leverage your work more effectively.

The Integrative Transformation Coaching training is designed to teach you how to bring coaching work to what is most important to you – whether this is the growth of your practice or being more effective in a specific area of your life. Click here to learn more about how Integrative Transformational Coaching can help you be successful so that you can increase your monthly income.

When You Find Your Purpose, What Happens?

by | Oct 16, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

In case you have been in doubt about whether it would be helpful to find and live your life purpose, I can tell you that when you find your purpose your life will fundamentally change for the better. And, while, your life purpose is often less esoteric and much simpler than you would expect, the effects of finding it are beyond profound.


JUST THE GOOD STUFF

Finding your life purpose makes it obviously clear what is important and what is less important to you. This will shift the way that you make decisions in your life. It can change who you feel motivated to associate yourself with and how you decide to spend your time. People who know their life purpose are not content with letting life just roll on by – they are motivated to be deliberate and create a life that honors their purpose.

Knowing your life purpose will turn you into a magnet for the things that support your life purpose. Often times, when we connect to our life purpose we no longer have to work as hard to create what we want to create. The alignment with our life purpose helps create an ease and flow of between our life and what we need to fulfill it.

When you find your purpose, you feel more confident and find focus. If before you felt that you needed to be good at things that it was unlikely you would ever excel at, your life purpose will make it very clear where your strengths lie. Understanding and claiming your strengths will leave you exuding high levels of personal confidence.

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ALL ABOUT YOU

Another way to talk about life purpose is to say that it is a distilled and refined expression of who you truly are. There are lots of reasons people go looking for their life purpose, but when we are motivated by this refined expression, the results can be quite phenomenal – they can be life changing.

Finding your life purpose can help you know yourself better. We learn about ourselves both through reflection and action. As we start to live our life purpose, we perceive the process of living differently and it helps us understand more about who we are. The steps and actions we take become mirrors for seeing even more of who we truly are.

When we know and live our life purpose we are happier. Life is more meaningful and enjoyable. What may have seemed like the humdrum day becomes a powerful tool for bringing more of who we are into the world. This contributes to a sense of wellbeing that we do not have without our life purpose.

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THE GOOD BURN

When you find your purpose, it can feel like someone lit a match in your soul and that your whole life has somehow locked into place. You can have that “Oh yes, this is what it is all about” feeling, or you can have a subtle yet deep sense of realignment. It does not matter how you register the experience, so long as you have it. Like falling in love, aligning with your purpose is an indescribable experience worth every minute of getting there.

I help women find their purpose so they can bring positive change to their lives. To learn more, click here to sign up for my newsletter or here to learn about my Personal Breakthrough Intensive, a great way to take a big leap forward towards your purpose.

How to Be Happy Again After Depression Even If You\’re Still Sad

by | Oct 9, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Depression is a clinical term used to label a group of behaviors and internal experiences associated with a depressed mood. It is also a clinical diagnosis. Depression is different than being sad. Sadness is a normal part of life and, as long as you are not feeling it all the time, it is actually a healthy thing for you to feel. It is important to realize that learning how to be happy again after depression looks slightly different for everyone.

Sometimes, we battle our way through a bad bout of depression and come out on the other side, only to find ourselves still feeling sad. While this can be a frustrating and disappointing reality about life “after” depression, it is important to acknowledge that feeling sadness can be an indicator of positive progress. Depression often leaves us unable to feel anything at all, let alone sad. It may not be your first pick for your team, but sadness truly has its hidden virtues.

The truth is that “after depression” just isn’t a reality for many people. Depression is actually a lifelong challenge that we learn to live and work with, more and more effectively. So, it’s understandable that knowing how to be happy again after depression may seem far-fetched or unattainable to many. And if you’re depressed, you should not be ashamed about that experience or of asking for help. If you are in that “after-depression” space, it can take a bit to get back to regular habits.

Here are some tips to help you get back on track.

1. Give yourself time to be sad: If you are still feeling sad the most important thing you can do is give yourself space to feel that way. Be deliberate. Sit on the couch for an hour and let yourself be sad. Then, get up and get moving.

2. Start slow: Often times depression leads to inactivity which can push us out of the healthy habits that we might have at other points in our life. Don’t expect to jump straight back into all your activities. Give yourself lots of time to slowly bring things back. It is good to push yourself, but don’t push too hard.

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3. Make it easy: Sometimes what was a small step for us when feeling better is a huge step after being depressed for awhile. The smaller and easier you can make your new activities, the more likely you are to succeed. Give yourself that chance.

4. Acknowledge your progress: It can be easy to be critical of your abilities and your progress, especially if you have an anxiety disorder that exacerbates this behavior. It is vital that you acknowledge each new and beneficial thing you add to your life. You just ran an emotional marathon and now you are showing up at the gym. This is no small thing.

5. Choose the lesser of two evils: Our perspective gets skewed when we are depressed. We lose sight of what is good for us. When you are recovering from depression, you might feel as though you are choosing between something that is not so good and something that is worse. Try and choose the easier or slightly better option.

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6. Take a day off: Yes you want to get back on track, but if you give yourself a moment to breathe, it may help you get where you want to go faster in the end.

7. Stick with it: You did not get to where you are in one day. You won\’t get to where you want to be in one day either. Keep making efforts and you will see results, even if it takes time. You’ve got this.

Mental illness isn’t something you can just will to go away, but there are treatments that can help you deal with your depression.

If you’re still feeling sad after your depression, I hope these actionable tips help you. Life is a continuous journey and it usually isn’t a smooth one, especially if you\’re learning how to be happy again after depression. Whether you suffer from depression or not, the best thing you can do for yourself is build up these life skills and techniques so that you can put them into place when you’re able. My LifeWork Community program is a great way to help you build practices that will support your wellbeing. Click here to learn more.

Why is Finding Your Purpose So Important?

by | Sep 25, 2017 | Dr. Heléna Kate's Blog

Ever wonder, “Why is finding your purpose so important?” It seems like it requires a lot of effort (all that personal development work ), time (all those hours spent doing that personal development work), and even money (you probably pay someone to guide you in your work). So, is it worth it?

Well, yes.

There are two ways to go through life: We can strive to be conscious of our purpose and pursue it, or we can leave that call unanswered. When we choose to be more conscious, we live the same peaks and valleys of life as everyone else, but we experience them differently. The peaks and valleys in the life of a conscious person inform them, strengthen them, and ultimately lead them to greater well being.

If we live an unconscious life, without purpose, life just happens to us.

“Finding your Life Purpose means that you feel good with the way that you are situated in the world and your actions in it have a sense of meaning to you. It does not mean that you have suddenly discovered that you are going to be the person to cure cancer (although that is a possibility). Our purpose is, more often than not, not one act or one career, but a greater sense that our inside self and our outer life are in alignment.” [Excerpt from 4 Giant Ways Your Life Changes When You Find Your Purpose]


Why is finding your purpose so Important? Here are 7 Reasons Why:

1. Meaning: Finding your life purpose creates a sense of meaning in your life. You know what you love to do, what you are good at, and how you can contribute to the world.

2. Place: Finding a sense of meaning to life gives you a sense of place. When you have found your purpose, it is easier to know where you belong. You also gain an understanding of the environments and communities that you benefit from connecting with.

3. Choice: When you know your life purpose you are more easily able to exercise choice in each moment of your life. You know better whether a situation or person really fits in your life because you know why you are here and what you want to do.

4. Sense of self: Knowing your life purpose gives you a clearer sense of who you are. It is as if you have distilled your life down to its essence by connecting with your purpose.

5. Ease: Believe it or not, knowing your purpose makes life easier. You know what to pay attention to and what is less important. You spend less time and energy caught up on the things that don’t really have impact.

6. Positive Impact: Knowing your purpose allows you to have a much greater impact on the world. Your purpose allows you to have the most profound impact – but only if you actually live it. Find your purpose and help contribute to a better world.

7. Confidence: When you know your life purpose you are more confident. You know that you are here for a reason and that your contribution counts. Be confident in the knowledge that we ALL have a purpose, whether we have found it yet or not.

I help women step into their personal power and gain control of their life. To learn more, click here to sign up for my newsletter or visit the links below to read more about personal power and life purpose.

READ MORE ABOUT YOUR LIFE PURPOSE