Years ago, when Brené Brown shared her research on vulnerability, she didn’t just give a TED Talk—she cracked open a collective blind spot. In her now-famous words, she confessed that she didn’t believe she was “supposed to” feel vulnerable. But what she discovered was that her resistance to vulnerability was closing her off from the most meaningful parts of life—namely, intimacy and connection.

I’m deeply grateful for her work. She helped normalize what so many of us feel but rarely speak: the fear of being seen. Truly seen. And the undeniable cost of hiding from that fear.

But here’s what we often miss: vulnerability is not passive. It is an active, embodied discipline. Especially in moments when we feel unsafe, threatened, or misunderstood. It demands that we pause, set aside our pride, and open ourselves to a deeper truth—the one that lives beneath our reactive defenses.

Let me paint a picture you might recognize.

I’m in a conversation. Something shifts, and suddenly I feel myself armoring up. My body tightens. My mind races. I feel misjudged or unseen. And even though I know better, every part of me wants to protect instead of connect.

Sound familiar?

There’s an automatic quality to this response—it happens fast. But when I can pause long enough to feel the contraction, to breathe into it and not run from it, I remember: this moment is not asking me to be right. It’s asking me to be real.

So I drop the story. I let go of the pride. I soften. And when I do, my heart opens. My words land more gently. Now, something new can happen. Now, we can build something honest.

Here’s a step-by-step breakdown of how to work with your emotional triggers and move into vulnerability instead of reactivity:

1. Recognize that you’re triggered. Feel the body. Notice the story.
2. Stay present. Do your best not to escalate or project.
3. Remove yourself if necessary. Step out to reset your system.
4. Let off steam—consciously. Journal, move, speak your feelings without making them the truth.
5. Name the root. What’s the deeper fear or unmet need? (Hint: It’s rarely about the current situation.)
6. Give yourself compassion. This is vital. Again and again.
7. Name the blame, victimhood, or denial—then choose to release it.
8. Return to what you really want in this relationship or situation.
9. Approach the other person from that deeper desire.

Here’s why vulnerability is essential—not just nice to have.

1. Without vulnerability, there is no intimacy. You cannot build real, enduring relationships if you’re constantly protecting yourself from being hurt.
2. Without vulnerability, life becomes a performance. We’re stuck in the exhausting cycle of pretending to be untouchable. And over time, it makes us deeply unhappy.

True fulfillment comes from being known and being seen. And that only happens when we allow ourselves to show up as we are.

If you want to experience emotional healing, build authentic connections, and live from greater self-awareness, vulnerability is the path.

It’s not always easy—but it’s always worth it.

✨ Want to explore how to use vulnerability to transform your relationships? Tune into this week’s episode of Real Answers Radio, where we’re talking about how to bring more meaning and magic into your connections through courageous openness. The show is live and your questions are always welcome.